text | Baduanjin
First release
Old rules, There is a surprise at the end of the article ~
01
Inferiority is a double-edged sword
Children's inferiority complex is innate. Inferiority will stimulate their imagination and gradually alleviate or eliminate the psychological state of inferiority complex by improving the situation. This is the compensation theory in psychology .
Hot sense of inferiority is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it will help us achieve our personal goals, and on the other hand, it will also widen the gap between feelings and objective reality due to the psychological compensation effect.
The more you think about it, the more you feel that you are not good enough.
inferiority complex and psychological compensation mechanism leads to greater possibility of making mistakes. Excessive inferiority complex will make the child set paranoid goals and will never be satisfied.
02
Psychology of missing love for children and being spoiled for children
Like children with congenital disabilities
Inappropriate parenting can cause children's "psychological disability". Children who lack love, spoiled children, and children with congenital disabilities have similar psychological characteristics.
People who have been in this mental state for a long time will be nervous and even behave strangely. When they develop to extreme states, they are self-centered, irresponsible, escapist, and rely on daydreaming and unrealistic fantasy to build inner peace.
03
Social emotional level
is the decisive factor in the growth process
As parents and teachers, children should not be allowed to rely on only one person. In the long run, it will be difficult for them to adapt to their future life.
Campus life is one of the first severe tests children have to face. By observing their adaptability when they first enter school life, they can judge their social and emotional level.
Children are frustrated in school. This signal does not specifically refer to academic failure, but indicates that there is a problem with the child's mental health, which means that the child begins to lose confidence in himself.
04
Three basic problems in life
reflects the truest self
There are three basic problems in human individuals and social life, and the attitude towards these three basic problems reflects his truest self.
The first basic problem is Social relations . Social relations are not only limited to making friends and meeting others, but also involve concepts such as friendship, cooperation, sincerity and loyalty. These abstract concepts belong to the understanding of social relations.
The second basic question is how to spend life , which is what role we want to assume in the social division of labor. Success is not determined by personal will, but is related to objective reality.
The third basic problem is that comes from the fact that humans are divided into genders.
"What do I think of the opposite sex?", Most people do not understand this issue completely correctly.
Problems in love and marriage need to be solved in the right way. Any deviation means that there are defects in personality.
Individual psychology emphasizes the use of children's socialization to measure their growth. By observing children's life problems, we can see whether they are "correct" preparations.
05
Excessive competitive awareness
Not conducive to children's growth
Some children always want to surpass others and compete with others everywhere. In the process of hard work, they may form unpopular personality traits, which are prone to envy and jealous of other students.
The behavior of planning life with the goal of surpassing others is not conducive to the normal growth of children.
must tell children that life is not just about school books, they should participate in outdoor activities more, play with friends, and spend some time on their interests and hobbies.
06
Don't punish the child twice for the same thing
Do not punish the child twice for the same mistake, and we think one punishment is enough.
Sometimes double punishment can cause serious consequences.
For example, a child needs to take a bad transcript home. At home, he was afraid of being scolded by his parents, so he secretly hid his transcript; at school, he was afraid of being punished, so he chose to skip school or forge his parents' signature.
07
It is not advisable to be too strict or gentle
The most important thing is to understand
Individual psychologists believe that parenting methods should neither be too strict nor too gentle.
Too strictness is a harm to children and will frustrate their confidence; and spoiled education will cultivate children with strong dependence, who may lose their ability to be independent.
The most important thing is to understand , avoid wrong methods, constantly encourage children to face and solve problems, and cultivate their social emotions.
08
Family order
It has a great influence on the child's personality
The development of each child is closely related to the order of his seniority in the family. The order of brothers and sisters, competition, and their interaction with their parents have a great influence on personality development.
Excellent children know that being well-behaved and sensible can get more recognition from their families, and he has successfully defeated his "not excellent" brothers and sisters.
When two children in a family compete for family recognition, if the first child cannot surpass the other by becoming better, he will try to work in the opposite direction and become the devil in the world.
The youngest children often have two extreme types, either do the best or do nothing.
They are often lively and active, always want to be central, want to surpass all their brothers and sisters, and letting them add up is not as good as themselves, so they will work harder.
In fairy tales in different countries, the youngest children are the best. However, it is difficult to achieve too high goals. There is also a kind of child who does not seek to improve because of his discouragement and disappointment.
The oldest children are often conservative, and they firmly believe in power, rules, and laws that cannot be violated.
The first child born in many families will experience a state of confusion or tension and anxiety because they feel that they are incapable of competing with their younger brothers and sisters.
Sadly, no one can understand their situation.
09
The best way to prevent adolescence problems
Adolescent children are more sensitive, and they can easily feel that they are not as popular as before.
Self-provement is the most common symptom in adolescence. The way to eliminate this symptom is to explain to teenagers that they do not need to prove to anyone that they are no longer children and that true growth does not require that evidence.
Through such communication, teenagers avoid those extreme behaviors.
One of the best ways to prevent adolescence problems is Create friendship . For teenagers, they are each other's best friends and companions.
Whether it is family or teachers, they should get along with them like friends and trust each other. Parents and teachers who gain trust in their children will not be excluded by them during adolescence and can continue to guide them.
10
Like to mock women as a manifestation of inner weakness
No matter how tolerant we are, it is impossible to accept the concept that girls should raise like boys.
This common saying in society that attacks women is that women have not achieved any great achievements. This statement is meaningless because the goal of society in cultivating women has nothing to do with greatness.
The raising process of girls is often suppressed in all aspects. When they were young, they were even ridiculed and criticized by their parents and brothers. After marriage, men will throw their socks to women and try to convince them that housework is their job.
Psychologists know that The behavior of boys ridicule and criticize girls comes from their inner weakness. It feels completely different to being able to really be able to look capable.
On the one hand, society lowers the goal of cultivating women, and on the other hand, it condemns them for being mediocre. This is the fundamental reason why women hate their gender.
Women who are not satisfied with their own gender think marriage is a derogatory to themselves, and even if they finally choose marriage, they try to become the dominant one; they also hate female professions and think that they have no value.
Some women hate men's power and superiority, and hate them so much that they refuse to accept their gender and want to act like men. Individual psychologists call this mentality "male envy."
Girls are shrouded in inferiority, their development is restricted, and boys bear too many expectations, which has a negative impact on the growth of boys and girls
This is a failure in the development of social civilization.
Written at the end
The personality of childhood will affect the behavior of the present and future, but this does not mean that a series of events that occur in life are mechanically determined by the past and genetics, but rather tells us that the future and past of an individual are an uninterrupted continuum.
For parents and teachers, in the process of educating children, the most serious mistake of is to predict that a child has no future.
Irresponsible prophecies will make children more cowardly, which will make the situation worse.
What we need to do is actually very simple. Treat children with gentleness, give them enough care and understanding, and encourage them to be positive and optimistic, and then they may show unexpected wisdom and ability.
As Virgil said, "They can do it because they believe they can do it" .
We must believe that there is always a way to help children. Even in the worst case, there will be hope, and of course we need to work hard to find.
You need to know: Children are just temporarily lost.
Statement: Some of the content comes from "Children's Education", published with the authorization of publication, and reproduction is prohibited without permission.
· End ·
This issue of gift books
Baduanjin has prepared 2 books for everyone "Children's Education"
Follow the headline number @Psychology for mothers
View related micro headers
Free lottery
Want to learn more about parent-child relationships and educational psychology,
Follow @Psychology for mothers
Do not anxious to solve problems, love children and love yourself~
· End ·
