01
In recent years, with the popularization of psychological science, the public, especially in first-tier cities, have become increasingly accepting psychological counseling. However, there are still many people who reject psychological counseling, and even equate psychological counseling with fortune-telling and advanced chatting.
Many people have a strong rejection of psychological counseling for two reasons: thinks that they do not need psychological assistance, or do not think that the counselor has the ability to help them.
In recent years, psychology has blossomed everywhere, and the public has also gained an objective and correct understanding of psychological counseling. Many people have realized that each of us is in a relationship, and psychological counseling can make our relationship better. But the second reason is that the doubts about whether the consultant is capable of helping him or not have not decreased, but have increased. Or it can be said that some unreliable consultants have made the doubts of thousands of netizens even more serious:
Is it abnormal for psychologists?
Isn’t it a pity to seek death if I seek help from a consultant who is not normal?
How to identify whether the psychologist around you is a reliable person?
How to tell if the psychologist around you is a master or a psychopath?
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(1) Is your consultant "perverted peeping crazy"?
Teacher Zhang said that to become a psychological counselor, you must have rich interests and desire to explore in people’s lifestyles and people’s hearts, emotions, fantasies and thinking. First of all, consultants should be curious about this industry, otherwise it will be difficult to persist in this profession; if you have curiosity, this profession will not be boring, will not abuse yourself, nor will it become bored with the spirit of serving others. But curiosity should be controlled. If the counselor blindly wants to satisfy his curiosity, it may lead to the client's painful exposure too early or too much, which will cause unnecessary pain to the client.
In other words, a high-quality consultant should be a person with a noble enthusiasm for this industry. The counselor's curiosity should be to help others better be aware of themselves and understand, rather than satisfying their own curiosity. He focuses on your own problems and emotions, and his curiosity is based on exploring the causes of your problems, not other private lives that are not related to the problems.
If your consultant is too curious about your private affairs and always keeps rushing into your private affairs and ignores your feelings and emotions, then you must be cautious. Low-quality consultants either have no interest in this profession, just to make money quickly or make a living, or they just use their profession to peek at the dark side of others and meet their abnormal needs, which will eventually harm others and yourself.
(2) Can your consultant accurately identify the problem?
Some parents completely "raising their children according to the book, applying the general rules and standards of children's growth mentioned in the book to measure their children's development. For example, a 3-year-old child saw that the child’s rubber was very beautiful and secretly took it home. As a parent, you think theft is serious, so you go to consult a so-called professional consultant. After hearing your question, the counselor said, "Ah, theft is very serious. This anti-social behavior will affect the child's interpersonal relationships, and in turn affect his social and psychological relationships. Over time, the child may be isolated." A professional analysis scares you.
And a truly professional consultant has a very in-depth understanding of what stages and characteristics of individual development, and can identify whether your child’s problems are normal or abnormal behaviors. Teacher Du, a psychotherapy expert in children and adolescents, mentioned that children’s psychological needs are different at different ages and the significance of behavioral development is also different.
According to Teacher Du's analysis, it is normal for a 3-year-old child to steal the things he likes home, because the child's consciousness has not yet been differentiated, he does not know the ownership, and he cannot recognize whether his behavior is appropriate. But if a 6-year-old takes home what he likes, there is a problem. Because the 6-year-old child has different consciousness and has clear ownership. He knows that his behavior is inappropriate but still has to do it. This is the difference.
. If a consultant doesn’t even understand the basic development psychology common sense, he just attended several training classes and came to do consultation. It’s not harmful to others.
(3) Is your consultant too good at being a teacher?
When your child makes a mistake in school, the teacher may invite you to the office. You accept the criticism of the teacher like a child who made a mistake. When you are worried about your child's affairs, you will also feel guilty about "I, a parent, have not done it properly." And when you take your child to seek family therapy , your family therapist may say, "Because your parents didn't do it well, the child has problems." You are placed on the trial table and are eager to defend yourself. As for the so-called consultant, seeing that you can't raise your head in front of you like a child who made a mistake, he feels happy and feels that he is very professional.
The family therapist Mr. Liu is very suspicious of the widely circulated saying that "If a child has a problem, it is not the child has a problem, but the parents have a problem." She believes that children's growth comes from the efforts of the family. Although problems a child has to do with the family situation and the attitude of their parents, we should not blame their parents, and good counselors will not turn psychological counseling into a "parent criticism conference" or a "parent transformation conference". A true family therapist will mobilize the family members to use resources to solve children's problems.
When you ask a consultant for help with a family problem, if he bombards your behavior and shortcomings in turn, making you feel that "it's all my fault now, it's all my fault", then you'd better end such consultation as soon as possible.
(4) Can your consultant see himself and you?
Many unreliable consultants are eager to show their professionalism in the first consultation, so they will take advantage of the situation to urge professional terms, life philosophy, and sharp views, so that you can't understand and be proud of yourself. In this way, you can pay money easily and even make an appointment for a dozen or twenty consultations at once. This is a typical manifestation of unreliable consultation.
Whether a consultant has real materials is difficult to find out after one or two contacts. However, we can identify whether he has a humble heart from contact as soon as possible - a good psychological counselor should be someone who can see both himself and the visitors.
Teacher Zhang mentioned a case. During the consultation, the patient said that he was studying Buddhism recently and talked with Teacher Zhang in depth about the words "stay in the face" and other words. Teacher Zhang humbly said that he didn't know what "stay in the world" is, and started reading " Diamond Sutra " and asked many Buddhists. Through this case, he wrote an article about impedance in psychoanalytical therapy and the abide by the state of residence in Buddhist practice.
Zhang Tianbu is humble to the visitors, willing to change themselves in order to narrow the distance with the visitors and help the visitors, and is more willing to present themselves truly. This is what a professional consultant should look like.
Teacher Zou said: "Many people often want to play the role of a consultant and unconsciously disguise themselves. In fact,... the client hopes to see his own existence through your real existence. If the consultant himself disguises himself and disappears, the client will not be able to see himself in your eyes."
Being a real person requires better self-function than being a disguised person. So, when you go to the consultant with questions such as "Who am I, where am I from, where am I going?", you must first find out whether the master you are looking for is clear about who you are, where you come from, and where you are going, so as not to be taken into the ditch in a confused manner.
03
Indeed, the water for psychological counseling is very deep, and practitioners in this industry are of varying quality. It would be our luck to meet professional and helpful people like the 25 big names in China and Durban. However, in the face of the thousands of pains in the world and wilderness, there are few good teachers after all. Therefore, we should cultivate ourselves more and have a keen identification of shallow psychological problems, so that we can be less "stupid, stupid, and easy to cheat". After all, when facing visitors who have "see the world", no matter how deep the skills are, they will have to clamp their tails.
three views must be correct. A good consultant must have a positive view of the three views. As Teacher Zhao Xudong said, psychological counselors must have both self-awareness and value positions. As the saying goes, those who correct others should first correct themselves, and those who help others should first help themselves. A good psychological counselor is clear about his vision and pattern, and is more aware that his views on good and bad will affect the person who comes to seek help.
Psychological counseling is done, not said. If your consultant is just talking freely and talking on paper, but does not have enough practical experience, then you must avoid it.
psychotherapy is not "satisfied with you". If the counselor has been very nice to you and you cannot develop negative emotions in the treatment, especially negative emotions to the counselor, then your trauma will be difficult to heal.
The soul of a psychological counselor must be interesting. A good consultant must be a person with a complete personality, and his life has clear boundaries: work professionally and live happily. Psychological counseling is to establish a connection between people. If a counselor’s soul is boring, he only loves consultation but not life, and has no personal interest, he will not help you.
Don’t worry too much about the consultant’s skills and therapy. Although most of the current consultants specialize in certain technologies, such as psychoanalysis or family therapy, Shi Qijia teacher believes that the roots of these technical schools are the same, and their core is relationships, catharsis, exposure and scene reappearance. So, if a consultant can provide you with positive attention, acceptance and listening, so that you can gain self-awareness and growth in it, it is a good consultant.
Psychological counselors are also humans, and they can also have injuries and pain. Consultants are not perfect people, they live in relationships and can be hurt. As Teacher Li Mengchao said, we all have wounds. He even said that except for gynecological diseases, he suspected that he had other diseases. But a good consultant can become an expert due to illness, and such a person is the one who can truly heal us.
Everyone has their own path and must independently find the meaning of life.Even a true psychological counseling expert is just a witness and companion for you as your walking crutch. However, it is precisely because the road of life is difficult to walk, that we need such a group of people to accompany us through endless darkness and despair, right?
