"How could TA fall in love with me? I'm so bad..."
Before we fell in love, we always thought we were brave and fearless prides of heaven. However, once we stood in front of the person we like, we would become timid and always felt that we were "not good enough" everywhere.
As we are troubled by As inferiority , we always make many abnormal "low posture" actions when we get along with our partners:
All morning and night greetings every day
Any request from the other party is unconditionally satisfied, just to let TA see you more
After arguing, even if we are in charge, we are willing to give up, hold our grievances in our hearts, and look back to please the other party
Just Zhang Ailing Zhang As described in , "When I met you, I became very low and low, all the way down to the dust."
1. Why do we feel inferior in love
Mimi knows that this question may have an answer in your mind, it comes from the following aspects:
1. The reenactment of the original family
In fact, everyone's attitude towards love is closely related to the original family, and "inferiority" is also born from this.
During the period of establishing personality cognition, if parents instill in their children the paranoid concept of "you must be perfect, otherwise no one will like you", or if the parents and their family status is not equal, one party will always please the other party.
Once affected by this family environment, children will seriously reject their shortcomings, thus creating inferiority. When he grows up, he projected into love, and he also plays the role of a "humble person", and even constantly pleases and caters to the other party.
2. Anxiety of Self-worth
Everyone has shortcomings. In daily life, we can coexist with shortcomings. But once you get into love, the situation becomes different. We may infinitely amplify our shortcomings and be very afraid that these shortcomings will become the other party’s dissatisfaction, thus believing in your guilt and inferiority.
3. Excessive filters beautify the other party
When the other party's personal value has a higher side than you, such as social status, appearance and temperament, these will create the other party's appearance of being "better". The more dazzling aura you have, the more you will feel ashamed and feel that you are not worthy of the other person.
4. Suppression from the other party or the outside world
If two people are together, if there are voices opposing by the outside world, and this opposition is provoking the relationship between the two parties, it is easy to cause changes in the mentality of the parties involved.
"You are not very compatible, the other party's family background is much better than you, so you still have to be a good match."
"He looks much younger than you, you really make a profit"...
If you hear too much of these words, it is easy to accept other people's hints and will deny yourself.
2. Characteristic characteristics of love inferiority syndrome
People who are not confident in love usually have the following personality:
① Lack of security and worrying about gains and losses;
② Too clingy, although sometimes you can restrain yourself, you still want to know your dynamic every minute and every second;
③ Paranoid, difficult to deal with, and easy to get angry;
④ If you tend to please, you will take the initiative to move closer to the other party’s “ideal”;
⑤ When dealing with various tortures in your relationship, you will usually admit defeat, but rarely act rationally and stop loss in time.
3. Methods to get rid of love inferiority syndrome
Inferiority destroys love invisibly and destroys yourself. To get out of this predicament, you must get rid of this emotion:
1. Positive hints, tell yourself: I am not that bad
First of all, you must be clear that since the other party chooses to be with you, it must be because you are attractive enough to make him fall in love with you. Since this is the case, you should think that your "lower self-esteem" is actually a self-cognitive error.
You must believe that you are worthy of being loved, you can and can have a beautiful love. Only when you love yourself enough and see the shining points in yourself can you love others better.
Especially for women who are sensitive to the heart, you must believe that you are good enough, that you deserve to love yourself and be loved by others!
2. Don’t deify the other person, treat love correctly
Don’t always selectively ignore the other person’s shortcomings, exaggerate the other person’s strengths, or use the other person’s strengths to compare your own weaknesses, while denying yourself, then elevate the other person. You must know that in this relationship, you are equal, and you are just one of the countless people.
At the same time, don’t take love too seriously. All joys and sorrows are based on the other person’s emotions. You must have your own circle, your own thoughts, and your consciousness, rather than sticking to your body like a candy.
3. Improve the external image
"Only people who are good-looking can have youth"
The sentence is enough to show that for most people, appearance is a major factor that determines confidence.
If you have poor figure, go to fitness and adjust your diet; if you have poor skin, learn to take care of your skin and learn to put on makeup to make yourself more refined. Improve your appearance and gain more praise, and your confidence will gradually improve.
4. Improve inner cultivation
The beautiful skin is the same, and the interesting soul is one in a million.
If you have enough wisdom and maturity, you will naturally be able to look at problems and love more objectively, which will also make you more confident in love, because you know that you have the ability to master your love.
5. Control excessive efforts and recognize yourself in reality
People with inferiority in love will try to do a lot of things that aggrieved themselves to express love, but this negative energy will destroy the joy and beauty of love. So, don’t overdo it and don’t be wronged.
And confidence is connected with the real world. What you need to do is to gain recognition from others in the real world in terms of your own advantages, so that you will have confidence in your heart and be full of confidence in your future with him.
Finally, you must learn to accept your imperfections and believe that you have highlights and deserve to be loved. This is all for today's sharing.
I am Seven, a post-90s emotional expert, focusing on sharing more emotional knowledge, sex-to-distance skills, and business-enhancing skills. See you next time ~
