Nowadays, many people label themselves as "social terror", and it seems that many behaviors can be attributed to "social terror".
The so-called "social phobia" is the full name of "social phobia", and is also called "social anxiety disorder" in medicine. In fact, the "social terror" claimed by many people may actually show that they don't like to join in the fun and don't like to attend multiple parties, and then use "social terror" to make fun of themselves, which has not really reached the level of the disease.
In reality, how will people who truly suffer from social phobia feel and behave? Today I will use a case to talk to you.
Because she was afraid of socializing, she hid in the bathroom for two days
Last week, a girl from high school was sent to my consultation room. Her parents said that the girl was a little disgusted with school recently and hoped that I could give her psychological counseling.
But after having a meeting with the client, I found that this senior high school girl was not disgusted with school, but might have suffered from social phobia.
To facilitate readers to read, in the following article, I gave the client the pseudonym Xiaofang:
Xiaofang was originally an extroverted, sunny and cheerful girl. Before entering the second year of high school, Xiaofang was very popular until after re-assigning classes, she felt uncomfortable.
First of all, Xiaofang feels that the current class teacher doesn’t like her. In his first year of high school, Xiaofang had good academic performance and served as a representative of a certain subject and was often praised by teachers. But shortly after the second year of high school started, Xiaofang was 5 minutes late because she ate breakfast a little slower, so her class teacher asked Xiaofang to stand for two days. Xiaofang felt that she was not familiar with her teachers and classmates just after she was divided, and this time the penalty for standings must have left a very bad impression on everyone.
In addition, after re-sorting shifts to dormitories, Xiaofang felt that her roommate always seemed to be isolated. Whenever she walked to the door of the dormitory, she heard the conversation and laughing inside, but when she pushed the door open, everyone stopped talking. Xiaofang didn't understand why and tried to analyze the reasons. Then she suddenly realized that when she was in her first year of high school, she had a little conflict with a girl in the dormitory now. It must be that she said a lot of bad things about her behind her back, so the other roommates isolated themselves together!
From then on, Xiaofang would unconsciously pay attention to her roommate's words and deeds. When a roommate in the class talked to other classmates, she couldn't help but wonder if she was talking about herself and felt embarrassed. The dining table in the canteen is seated according to the dormitory. In order to avoid roommates, Xiaofang did not even go to the canteen to have a meal.
The consequence of not eating on time is that Xiaofang's body has a lot of discomfort, and Xiaofang escapes from classmates and roommates, so Xiaofang takes leave every few days to go home.
Just last week, Xiaofang's father suddenly received a call from the class teacher, saying that there was a study material for students voluntarily subscribed, and asked Xiaofang if she wanted to subscribe. Xiaofang's father was very strange. He asked the teacher: "Isn't it enough to just subscribe information and ask the students directly?" Xiaofang's head teacher said: "Xiaofang is not in school, so I called for your opinions."
Xiaofang's father panicked: He was sending his child to the school at 6:30 in the morning, and watching her enter the school gate, how could he not be in school? The head teacher said: "I didn't see Xiaofang coming to class yesterday. Maybe she was feeling unwell and went back to the dormitory to rest. I'll go and see it later." A few minutes later, the teacher replied: Xiaofang is not in the dormitory either.
Where did Xiaofang go? Just when Xiaofang's father was anxious, he received a call from the teacher: Xiaofang has found it. It turned out that Xiaofang had been hiding in the toilet these two days!
In the consultation room, Xiaofang told me the real reason. She said: "I am afraid of seeing teachers and classmates, especially roommates. I think they are laughing at me and laughing at me as a fool. I am indeed like a fool. I think it will be a little better to hide..."
Social phobia is actually very common
not only introverts can get social phobia. Extroverts will also suffer from social phobia due to defense, sensitivity, and lack of confidence after encountering social frustrations. Xiaofang is the latter.
According to American Psychiatric Society statistics, about 15 million adults in the United States suffer from social anxiety disorders, accounting for about 7% of the population. There are no specific statistics in our country for the time being, but many people will share their voices as a "social terrorist" on the Internet:
♀️ When speaking in public, although they made preparations over and over again, the scene was still stuttering;
♂️ I met an acquaintance on the way off work, and I didn't dare to say hello, so I quickly lowered my head and pretended not to see it;
♀️ I didn't dare to attend the party, but I really couldn't escape. The whole show was like a pin and needle and just wanted to go offline;
♂️ I came up to greet me, but I blushed, embarrassed and at a loss...
In fact, many people have had similar experiences and experiences. This kind of "social terrorist" may not have too much impact and obstacles on study, work, and life, so everyone would not think of doing psychological treatment. But in situations like Xiaofang, psychological intervention is required.
Social phobia is mainly manifested as excessive and unreasonable fear of some objective things or situations in the outside world. The patient knows that this fear reaction is unreasonable and excessive, but he still cannot control his own thoughts, and will repeatedly experience some unaccommodating physiological reactions, such as hand shaking, sweating, chest tightness, , etc.
Six adjustment suggestions
Based on Xiaofang's situation, I gave her 6 suggestions. Patients with social phobia who have similar feelings as Xiaofang can also learn from and adjust themselves in time.
01 Change unreasonable beliefs
"Others are looking at me", "They are whispering together, they must be talking about me." When these thoughts appear in their minds, be aware of them in time, correct them in time, and tell yourself: these beliefs are unreasonable, and the facts are not like this. I need to clarify the following 3 facts by myself:
1. Others are very busy, and no one will talk about others all day long.
2. I am just an ordinary person, not a star or an alien. There are not so many people paying attention to my every move at all times.
3. Even if someone talks about me behind my back, 24 hours a day, they will not talk about me for more than 1/24 because they need to deal with work, study, and life.
02 Do not escape, multi-social
evasion can only aggravate social terror, but cannot truly solve the problem. If you want to improve your social phobia, you must bravely face the crowd. You can start with a small circle where you feel safe, such as having dinner with familiar classmates and friends, outings, outdoor activities, etc. Believe that every step you take is towards a more positive and sunny direction.
03 Exercise to accept your imperfect courage
Unconditionally accept yourself and accept your nervous and embarrassing reactions. Because people often fall into psychological hints of "the more repulsive, the worse they become." For example, you keep telling yourself in your mind, "Don't think of a gray elephant, don't think of a gray elephant..." If you close your eyes and try, is it that your mind is full of a gray elephant?
Everyone is not perfect, and no matter how outstanding people are, they will have moments of embarrassment or helplessness. If pursuing perfection is a manifestation of excellence, then being able to accept imperfection is also a manifestation of courage. A drop of ink poured into the sea will still not affect the azure of the sea. An occasional mistake will not affect your excellence.
remind yourself at all times: "I accept my current state because this is a necessary exercise to become a warrior."
04 Set small goals, rebuild the inner sense of order
Set several small goals for yourself for learning or work, such as memorizing 20 English words every day, practicing a calligraphy, etc., accumulate confidence through small things, and enhance the sense of intrinsic value. This is conducive to the reconstruction of inner order. When a person's inner order is restored, her concentration will also increase accordingly, and she can "live in the present and do what she deserves."
05 Learn to ask for help and talk to the outside world
Social phobia is like a cocoon. If you don’t think about it and stay in this cocoon, if you keep going on for a long time, it will definitely lead to deterioration of social functions and will also cause more psychological diseases such as anxiety and depression. So even if you are really reluctant, you should try your best to remind yourself and ask yourself to chat with relatives and friends, and talk about your inner feelings.
Maybe they can't really solve your problem, but they can remind you to be aware of some limitations of your own cognition, such as, "Who will stare at others all day long? Do they have so much free time?" This may bring you reflection.
Of course, regular psychological counseling or treatment will be more conducive to getting out of the social terror as soon as possible.
06 Mindfulness Practice
When you realize that you are overly sensitive and over-interpret others' reactions, learn to use mindfulness to bring those random thoughts back to the present. Focus only on your own breathing and feel the subtle changes in your body during your breathing. This can help you return to the present, relieve physical discomfort, pull back your chaotic thoughts, and return to rationality in peace.
As a senior animal of sociality and socialization, humans are destined to require interpersonal relationships. No one can live as an isolated island on their own.
Wish everyone is not afraid or defensive when facing others. We can choose social distance and social frequency that suits us and makes us feel comfortable. We will decide on our closeness and distance. This is a healthy, harmonious and beneficial social interaction.
