What is narcissistic personality disorder? How should we identify it? If your partner has a narcissistic personality, should you stay or leave?
book is both a psychology primary book, and a practical survival guide for how to get along with narcissists. Author Ramani Devasula PhD is a professor of psychology at the University of California. She has been focusing on personality disorder research for decades and has been awarded the "Robust Scholar Award" by the American Women's Association. In the author's opinion, narcissistic personality is more hidden than PUA, but it will also cause great harm to people.
Part 1: What is narcissistic personality disorder and what are its typical symptoms? In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition), narcissistic personality disorder is defined as "a universal behavioral pattern that is arrogant, conceited, desires attention to thousands of people, and lacks empathy."
The typical symptoms of patients with narcissistic personality disorder are: gorgeous and delicate appearance, pretentious heart, strong jealousy, arrogant and rude, lack of empathy, and can only establish superficial "intimate" relationships in terms of emotions.
Vanity makes them rely on other people's recognition. Therefore, they will pay more attention to appearance and success in the secular sense, such as pursuing good education, decent work, and promising partners. As long as they are praised, the world is beautiful to them; but if they are criticized, their fragile hearts are severely frustrated. Therefore, getting along with them is like riding a roller coaster, and it is easy to suffer psychological damage.
Narcissistic personality disorder is considered one of the "dark trio" and is always closely related to the other two personalities, forming a very destructive and complex personality.
"Dark Three Personality" refers to Machiavelliism , psychopathy and narcissism, which are three characters that overlap but have different characteristics.
Machiavelliism refers to the use and manipulation of others, as well as cynicism. Machiavelliists especially have ethical and moral issues and deceptive behaviors in interpersonal relationships.
Psychopathy is a kind of pathological selfishness. People with such personality have become the norm for violating laws, rules and norms, and they never regret repent and reform themselves. Their attitudes and behaviors are ruthless. Because of the lack of remorse and guilt, unwillingness or inability to take responsibility, psychopathic patients are generally particularly dangerous.
How to determine whether your partner is a narcissistic personality disorder?
Very practical test questionnaire: 30 test questions, each question only answers yes or no, and records the number of "yes". book is both a psychology primary book, and a practical survival guide for how to get along with narcissists. Author Ramani Devasula PhD is a professor of psychology at the University of California. She has been focusing on personality disorder research for decades and has been awarded the "Robust Scholar Award" by the American Women's Association. In the author's opinion, narcissistic personality is more hidden than PUA, but it will also cause great harm to people. Part 1: What is narcissistic personality disorder and what are its typical symptoms? In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fifth Edition), narcissistic personality disorder is defined as "a universal behavioral pattern that is arrogant, conceited, desires attention to thousands of people, and lacks empathy." The typical symptoms of patients with narcissistic personality disorder are: gorgeous and delicate appearance, pretentious heart, strong jealousy, arrogant and rude, lack of empathy, and can only establish superficial "intimate" relationships in terms of emotions. Vanity makes them rely on other people's recognition. Therefore, they will pay more attention to appearance and success in the secular sense, such as pursuing good education, decent work, and promising partners. As long as they are praised, the world is beautiful to them; but if they are criticized, their fragile hearts are severely frustrated. Therefore, getting along with them is like riding a roller coaster, and it is easy to suffer psychological damage. Narcissistic personality disorder is considered one of the "dark trio" and is always closely related to the other two personalities, forming a very destructive and complex personality. "Dark Three Personality" refers to Machiavelliism , psychopathy and narcissism, which are three characters that overlap but have different characteristics. Machiavelliism refers to the use and manipulation of others, as well as cynicism. Machiavelliists especially have ethical and moral issues and deceptive behaviors in interpersonal relationships. Psychopathy is a kind of pathological selfishness. People with such personality have become the norm for violating laws, rules and norms, and they never regret repent and reform themselves. Their attitudes and behaviors are ruthless. Because of the lack of remorse and guilt, unwillingness or inability to take responsibility, psychopathic patients are generally particularly dangerous. How to determine whether your partner is a narcissistic personality disorder? Very practical test questionnaire: 30 test questions, each question only answers yes or no, and records the number of "yes". 1. Is your partner acting indifferent or incomprehensible about your feelings and others? 2.Do your partner exaggerate and like to brag about his life, achievements and work? 3. Does your partner think that the world is the only one, so he should enjoy preferential treatment in all aspects? Will he get angry when he doesn't get the desired preferential treatment? 4. Will your partner use others and the environment to meet their needs regardless of the feelings of others? 5. Is your partner irritable and irritable? Often making big fuss? 6.Do your partner often think that people are approaching him to take advantage of him? 7. Is your partner often nitpicking about others, but can’t tolerate any unpleasant words? 8. Is your partner always jealous of the friends you make, the interpersonal relationships you build, the success you achieve and the opportunities you gain? 9. After your partner has done something wrong, does he feel guilty and even does not realize that he has done something bad? 10. Does your partner need to constantly praise and recognize others, such as praise, rewards and glory, and will he spare no effort to seek all this (for example, constantly showing off his achievements on WeChat)? 11.Do your partner often lie, avoid important details, and speak nonsense? 12. Is your partner good at performing? No matter what you do, you will be sensational, such as the parties you hold, the cars you drive, the places you have been, and the way you live? 13. Does your partner often project his emotions on you (for example, he yells at you and accuses you of being petty, or his life is chaotic but accuses you of being unfaithful)? 14. Is your partner greedy for money and profit, and uses any means? 15. Will your partner be indifferent to you when you are emotionally excited? 16. Is your partner often suspicious of you and lacks trust, so that you feel that you are "crazy"? 17. Does your partner rarely accompany you and are reluctant to spend money on you? Is it only when it is in his favor that he will show generosity? 18.Do your partner often shirk responsibility and blame others whenever there is a problem? 19. Is your partner vain and only paying attention to his appearance? 20. Does your partner have a strong desire to control? Do you always want to control everything about you? Is his need for order of life, surroundings and schedules almost stubbornly paranoid? 21. Are your partner’s emotions, behaviors and lifestyle unpredictable and contradictory? 22. Is your partner often using you and others to achieve personal goals? 23. Is your partner happy to see others’ failures? Will you gloat about other people's life and career failures? 24. Is your partner afraid of being alone? 25. When interacting with others, does your partner lack awareness of boundaries? When your relationship with friends and colleagues goes beyond boundaries, do you still do whatever you want even if you know you are unhappy with it? 26. Has your partner ever had physical or mentally cheating on ? 27.When you talk, does your partner act like he ignores him? For example, yawning, staring at your phone, viewing files or doing other things? 28.When you encounter stress or encounter discomfort, does your partner become extremely fragile or sensitive? 29. Does your partner often ignore or pay no attention to basic communication etiquette and politeness (e.g., deliberately late, thorny, careless, and ignoring others' feelings)? 30.Do your partner often attract others' attention through his glamorous appearance and charming charm? Are you good at flirting, often flirting with others, and making kitsch jokes with others through social media or text messages? If 15 or more of these questions have the answer to "yes", then your partner is likely to be a pathological narcissist.If there are 20 or more answers that are "yes", then you can basically be sure that he is a pathological narcissist. Part 2: How does narcissistic personality disorder form? is mainly affected by two aspects: 1. The early living environment mainly refers to the parent-child relationship. 2. Our mainstream culture. 1. "Mirror Reflection" experience in early environments: Mirror Reflection refers to parents need to make appropriate responses to their children's value, grades and achievements like mirrors, similar to what we usually say, rewarding correct behaviors and punishing wrong behaviors. Over time, under the influence of the parents' "mirror", children can gradually complete the transformation from "external affirmation" to "self-affirmation", thereby forming a true self-awareness. Narcissist is because of the lack of this experience in childhood, which leads to adulthood still sticking to their unrealistic ideas and constantly looking for a mirror in the world. Therefore, they still need to rely on the recognition and approval of the world to enhance their self-esteem. Once the feedback from the outside world is not enough or is not positive, they will become irritable and irritable and attribute all their mistakes to others. 2. Mainstream culture has formed a fertile soil for cultivating narcissists. The transformation of modern technology and educational methods has encouraged the breeding of narcissism. In this new era of eye economy, many people realize that narcissism seems to help gain fame and wealth at the moment. In terms of education, the book points out that the educational methods of American society have undergone major changes over the past 25 years. From an era when children use rulers to teach lessons without following the rules, they suddenly jumped to the encouragement education of "everyone has a trophy". This has led to many children not experiencing setbacks and being unable to form a clear self-awareness. Part 3: What should you do if your partner has a narcissistic personality? Stay or leave? What should I do to reduce the damage? Whether you choose to stay or leave, before making this important judgment, I hope everyone knows the following two points first. First point, narcissist will never change. The second point is that in the relationship with patients with narcissistic personality disorder, the most common feeling is: "I feel that I am not good enough; self-doubt; frequent apology; helplessness and despair; sadness or depression; anxiety, depression; restlessness; loss of life pleasure; shame; mental exhaustion and emotional exhaustion". If you choose to stay after weighing the trade-offs, then you need to manage your expectations, learn to share information correctly, and reduce friction in communication. "Three Principles of Message": Divide communication information into good news, fast news, and irrelevant news. Share these messages with your partner in different ways to reduce the negative impact on you when communicating with him. If you choose to stay, you need to prepare from both practical and psychological aspects. In practical terms, you can keep records and archive them in case the other party is anxious and move away as soon as possible while keeping in touch with friends and family, because the other party was the person closest to you and knows your private information well. They are likely to do irrational behaviors in anger, causing trouble to you or your family. In terms of psychology, you can get yourself out through psychological treatment or psychological counseling, but beware of treatments that try to push you back on the path of "communication". What is narcissistic personality disorder? How should we identify it? If your partner has a narcissistic personality, should you stay or leave?
Share a book every day, I am complaining about Lao Deng
Part 2: How does narcissistic personality disorder form?
is mainly affected by two aspects: 1. The early living environment mainly refers to the parent-child relationship. 2. Our mainstream culture.
1. "Mirror Reflection" experience in early environments: Mirror Reflection refers to parents need to make appropriate responses to their children's value, grades and achievements like mirrors, similar to what we usually say, rewarding correct behaviors and punishing wrong behaviors. Over time, under the influence of the parents' "mirror", children can gradually complete the transformation from "external affirmation" to "self-affirmation", thereby forming a true self-awareness.
Narcissist is because of the lack of this experience in childhood, which leads to adulthood still sticking to their unrealistic ideas and constantly looking for a mirror in the world. Therefore, they still need to rely on the recognition and approval of the world to enhance their self-esteem. Once the feedback from the outside world is not enough or is not positive, they will become irritable and irritable and attribute all their mistakes to others.
2. Mainstream culture has formed a fertile soil for cultivating narcissists. The transformation of modern technology and educational methods has encouraged the breeding of narcissism.
In this new era of eye economy, many people realize that narcissism seems to help gain fame and wealth at the moment. In terms of education, the book points out that the educational methods of American society have undergone major changes over the past 25 years. From an era when children use rulers to teach lessons without following the rules, they suddenly jumped to the encouragement education of "everyone has a trophy". This has led to many children not experiencing setbacks and being unable to form a clear self-awareness.
Part 3: What should you do if your partner has a narcissistic personality? Stay or leave? What should I do to reduce the damage?
Whether you choose to stay or leave, before making this important judgment, I hope everyone knows the following two points first.
First point, narcissist will never change.
The second point is that in the relationship with patients with narcissistic personality disorder, the most common feeling is: "I feel that I am not good enough; self-doubt; frequent apology; helplessness and despair; sadness or depression; anxiety, depression; restlessness; loss of life pleasure; shame; mental exhaustion and emotional exhaustion".
If you choose to stay after weighing the trade-offs, then you need to manage your expectations, learn to share information correctly, and reduce friction in communication.
"Three Principles of Message": Divide communication information into good news, fast news, and irrelevant news. Share these messages with your partner in different ways to reduce the negative impact on you when communicating with him.
If you choose to stay, you need to prepare from both practical and psychological aspects.
In practical terms, you can keep records and archive them in case the other party is anxious and move away as soon as possible while keeping in touch with friends and family, because the other party was the person closest to you and knows your private information well. They are likely to do irrational behaviors in anger, causing trouble to you or your family.
In terms of psychology, you can get yourself out through psychological treatment or psychological counseling, but beware of treatments that try to push you back on the path of "communication".
Share a book every day, I am complaining about Lao Deng
