Why is the relationship between husband and wife getting worse and worse? The Yerkes-Dodson law in motivational psychology provides the answer.
Yerkes-Dodson's law is a motivational psychology law proposed by psychologists Yerkes and Dodson. It specifically refers to the fact that people will continue to increase the difficulty of problems as they encounter them. The optimal level of motivation will show a declining trend.
Regarding the Yerkes-Dodson law, there is another explanation, that is, the efficiency of an individual's intellectual activity and its corresponding anxiety level present a U-shaped curve functional relationship . As people's anxiety increases, their enthusiasm and initiative to solve problems and overcome difficulties will continue to increase. When people's anxiety level exceeds a certain limit, excessive anxiety will make people reluctant to make decisions when they are frustrated. Change and unwillingness to think about solutions to problems.
When I was working as an emotional counselor, I met a female friend. Let’s call her “Amy” here. Amy almost made an irreparable mistake during the marriage management stage.
Amy’s husband is a very professional man and a very self-centered man. Although Amy’s husband has a strong sense of responsibility, in Amy’s husband’s heart, love means giving his wife better material things. Life ignores Amy's emotional needs.
In Amy's heart, Amy especially hopes that her husband can spend more time with her and have more in-depth conversations with her. However, every time she complains, Amy's husband will say, "I also want to spend more time with you. But if I don’t focus all my attention on work, how can I guarantee that I can make you live a comfortable life?" Facing her husband's words, Amy could only bury her dissatisfaction in her heart again.
However, once people's emotional needs are often not met, people will be shrouded in emptiness and loneliness, creating strong desires. In this psychological state, Amy was attracted to a colleague of the opposite sex. He understood Amy's thoughts very well and was able to put aside work to accompany Amy.
After getting along for a long time and frequently, it is false that Amy is not tempted, but even if she is tempted, Amy is not willing to betray her husband. In this situation, Amy felt particularly painful because under the influence of comparison psychology, she increasingly felt that the person of the opposite sex outside of marriage was more suitable for her, and she increasingly believed that her husband was not as good as her colleague of the opposite sex outside of marriage.
Fortunately, at the moment when Amy was about to choose to agree to be with the other person, Amy learned from her colleague that the opposite-sex colleague had more than one girlfriend. After Amy learned the truth, she felt both heartbroken and lucky.
Amy’s marriage has problems. Is it Amy’s responsibility? Amy is partially responsible, but Amy's husband is also partially responsible.
Amy’s husband did not dare to relax even a little under the influence of careerism and work pressure. This strong careerism and strong pressure were accompanied by a strong sense of crisis. This sense of crisis made him feel A great sense of anxiety, otherwise, he would not ignore the management of the couple's emotions and ignore Amy's feelings.
Where is Amy? When her emotional needs were not met, and when she tried many times but could not get the results she wanted, she became more and more disappointed and unwilling to change the status quo of her marriage. Her heart was very tired, and she was particularly tired. I hope there is someone who can understand me, love me, and give me everything I want.
It is inevitable for Amy to have thoughts of betraying her marriage. Even if she does not meet that opposite-sex colleague, Amy will still have a heartbeat when she meets other gentle and considerate men.
To put it in layman's terms, some betrayals originate from the lack of motivation to run a marriage, from the inner disappointment in your partner, rather than from wanting to betray from the beginning.
In the process of couples' emotional management, almost most people have had the idea of betraying their marriage, and almost most people have lost their enthusiasm for their partners. The emergence of this psychological condition is a manifestation of people being affected by the Yerkes-Dodson Law.
I can understand why the relationship between husband and wife is getting worse and worse, and I can also understand the pain and helplessness in the hearts of those who complain and resent their partners. However, I still hope that my friends can understand one truth: if people only think about their own needs from their own perspective, sooner or later they will lose the motivation to treat their partners with sincerity. If people can look at the problems between couples from the perspective of their lovers, You can understand your partner's true inner needs and find solutions to the problems.
Whether the relationship between husband and wife will get better and better, the key lies in this. Men must recognize women's needs and satisfy women's needs, and women must understand men's helplessness and pain and try their best to meet men's demands.
The prerequisite for couples to get along and give to each other is that one person can give first, instead of waiting for the other person to pay for themselves, or only letting the other person pay.
Things like handling household chores, educating children, and working hard are the responsibilities of men and women within marriage. They are related to love, but the relationship is not too big. The emotional needs between men and women are the embodiment of true love.
Life is very helpless, life is very realistic, life is very difficult, but no matter how bitter or difficult life is, as an adult, you should recognize the nature of love, and not just do things that are within your responsibility, but also Let your partner truly feel loved.
