People only feel at a loss when they lose, but they don’t know how to cherish when they have it. My colleague who had been with me for two years left me, and I was back to where I was at the beginning. I felt timid and cowardly, and even felt that my previous love break had affected my cognition. I was very scared in my heart. This fear every time It will affect me at critical moments, and it will become more and more serious. I don’t understand where this fear comes from. This excessive attention and random thoughts without warning make me fall into meditation. This is how I treat feelings and the surrounding interpersonal relationships. is also like this. I always remained lonely and didn't even want to fit into the circle. I always deliberately avoided it and was incompatible with my colleagues around me. This situation became more and more obvious to me until my third year of work. I started to feel anxious and felt that I had a psychological problem.
As I grew older, my colleagues around me also kindly offered me blind dates, but I refused. I rejected this kind of blind date in my heart and felt that I had nothing to say. I even felt that the blind date was chosen by others to marry. I don’t know when it started. I always feel that I am very picky about everything, and even pay attention to perfection in everything without any flaws. This excessive attention has already It's perfectionism.
I am also very picky about my work. I cannot tolerate any mistakes. I have almost strict requirements for myself, which is to keep my image clean and tidy. My work desk needs to be spotless. When making friends, I need others to be equally tidy. Even my colleagues who come to me , I had to ask him to dress up and come to the meeting in formal attire. At first, everyone thought my idea was weird. Later, when they saw that I insisted on doing this, they all kept away from me. I also understood that I was becoming more and more like a monster. Similarly, this kind of inner tendency behavior needs to be carried out by oneself, otherwise, one feels that a ritual is missing and it seems that one is wasting the day. The actions and thoughts of such a ritual gradually become more numerous, and one may even stubbornly carry it out. Only then can we proceed to the next thing. Before going to bed every night, you must complete the prescribed work tasks, otherwise you will not be able to sleep. I have also been trapped by my stubborn behavior, and I also feel as if I am in a meaningless struggle with another self every day. I feel deeply tired and anxious, and I even once wondered whether I had schizophrenia This situation has lasted for a long time. I am also confused and need to understand my own situation.
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After working for three years, I was also faced with the decision of whether to stay in Gansu or return to my hometown or other cities. After all, the teaching support period signed after graduation has also expired. As for whether to stay I am also very confused here. The main reason is that I am not familiar with this place. I rarely go back to my hometown. There are no familiar people here, which makes me deeply feel the strangeness of settling here. I also feel that I currently have no partner, and I feel that this place is not suitable for me. As for It didn't matter about my job choice. I could get a job in my hometown or other cities. In the end, I discussed with my parents about whether to stay or leave my job, and finally returned to my hometown.
I readjusted my status. After half a year of being unemployed at home, I also carefully studied my career plan. In the end, I chose a job in biochemistry related to my major, but there was no such company in my hometown. I ended up going to Shanghai. There are many biopharmaceutical companies in Shanghai Hi-tech, and the salary is also good. I posted my resume on the recruitment website, and soon there were several interview opportunities. In the end, I chose a company with good salary in all aspects, and I entered a new environment again. Make the second transformation in your life. This company has a foreign investment background, the working atmosphere is quite good and free, the relationship between colleagues is also very harmonious, and the treatment is much better than before. Maybe I have three years of work experience, and I am comfortable with professional work.The colleagues of
company come from all over the world. Among them, there is also a girl who has just graduated. I have a good first impression of her. She is sweet, has a well-proportioned figure, fair skin, and is about 1.63 meters tall. She is also from my hometown. This kind of relationship as a half-fellow countryman made me want to know more about her. Through insinuations, I learned that she had a boyfriend. However, after graduation, she did not develop in the same city and broke up. I have a deep understanding of this kind of emotion. At the same time, I also feel that it is easy for such people to have a common language.
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So, I became more attentive to her. When I came into contact with her at work, I tried my best to help her. The colleagues around me could also see that I was interested in her and deliberately created opportunities. Let me be alone with her, I no longer hesitated in my heart. I felt that I had missed my colleague in Gansu earlier, and I could not lose the opportunity easily this time. So, I also took the initiative to invite her to watch movies and have dinner after get off work, and she did not refuse. Several times On the date, I felt that we were compatible, and finally after the third date, I kissed her and she didn't object. In this way, I established a romantic relationship with her. After confirming the relationship, I rented a house near the company and no longer lived in the company dormitory. My girlfriend had relatives in Shanghai and lived with relatives. I asked her to live with me, but she refused at first. She felt Living together was not suitable. Later, I couldn't stand my persuasion and ended up living with me. My first serious relationship began, and she was also my first real girlfriend.
It’s easy to fall in love but difficult to get along with each other. After living together for a long time, each other’s shortcomings have been exposed. My perfectionism, sensitivity and suspiciousness, as well as my mysophobia behavior, she can’t adapt to it gradually. She always feels that I am dragging my feet in doing things. I worry about gains and losses, and often have a weird personality. At that time, I didn’t know the name of obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I couldn’t tell which category these behaviors belonged to. My girlfriend gradually adapted to these problems of mine. Sometimes when we are being intimate together, my obsessive-compulsive disorder thoughts suddenly come over and I have to stop the intimate actions I am doing. My girlfriend is dissatisfied because of this and even thinks that I am torturing her, and she gradually becomes resistant to sex. . But we are colleagues after all, and we need to pretend to be harmonious with each other when we work. Our colleagues are also looking forward to our wedding banquet, but every time we mention marriage, we are silent to each other. I know that we are still far away from getting married. Yes, at least not possible for the time being.
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At that time, housing prices in Shanghai had begun to rise. For our seemingly good salary, in fact, it was difficult for us to make the down payment without the help of foreign aid. For this reason, we all know that we will not talk about it for the time being. This kind of thing. But after two years of our relationship, my girlfriend seemed to feel that she could not guarantee her marriage, and gradually became cold to me, and there were conflicts in life. She no longer tolerated my eccentric behavior, and even accused me of my behavior and said that I was crazy. , In fact, when I was undergoing treatment later, I realized that I was neurotic , not neurotic, but my behaviors were indeed neurotic enough. In the end, we broke up peacefully. After the breakup, she left the company and did not want to work in the same company as me. I continued to work in the company for a year, and then I also left. After that, I chose the path of starting my own business. .
To be continued -
Note: The case has obtained the written consent of the consultant and is willing to publish it publicly. In order to protect the privacy of the case, professional ethical and technical processing has been done.
