Learn a law of effect every day, give yourself a reason to persist every day, and take a small step forward every day. More and more people are suffering from "social phobia". When there are many people, I feel uncomfortable all over. I didn't dare to talk or move, so I could onl

Learn a law of effect every day, give yourself a reason to persist every day, and take a small step forward every day.

More and more people are suffering from "social phobia".

When there are more people, I feel uncomfortable all over. I didn't dare to talk or move, so I could only hide in the corner to smoke, drink, and eat.

Why are you afraid of socializing? Because it will make you uncomfortable.

When interacting with people, some people feel cordial when they first meet and can communicate easily; some people feel disgusted when they meet and fear to avoid them.

There is a way to avoid this situation, and that is the "business card effect".

If you have the same attitude and values ​​as the other person, it will make the other person feel that there are many similarities with each other, and the psychological distance between the other person and you will be narrowed immediately, and the other person will be more willing to get closer to you, making it easier to form a good relationship.

This kind of conscious and purposeful expression of one's attitudes and opinions to the other party is like introducing oneself to the other party like a business card. This is the "business card effect". It was first proposed by Nadilashvili, a psychologist from the former Soviet Union.

Ordinary business cards are printed with name, address, position, unit name, contact number, etc. Exchange business cards to introduce and promote yourself to the other party. The "business card effect" talks about a kind of "psychological business card", which refers to personal image.

How to form a business card?

First of all, you must capture the other party's information, grasp the other party's true attitude, find positive and acceptable opinions, and form an effective business card.

How to dig out the other party’s information can start from the following four aspects.

1. The other party’s identity and occupation

What is the other party’s place of origin, gender, age, seniority, position...

Own person/outsider, acquaintance/stranger, gentleman/villain...

Don’t be fair. Even your mother didn't realize it. The person you had been scolding for a long time was standing opposite you.

As for what industry the other party is engaged in, you can ask for advice, learn from it, and talk about related topics.

Don’t let the other person be an office worker. You want to talk to them about the harvest in the fields.

2, The other person’s hobbies

In addition to work, everyone has their own hobbies in their spare time.

Fitness, fishing, playing chess, writing, painting, raising cats and dogs, Raising flowers and grass, raising cages and cages for birds...

3. The other party's personality

You must be measured when communicating with others.

Some people are direct, so don't beat around the bush, "I have something to say, but I don't know whether to say it or not...", then don't say it;

Some people are humble, so don't be boastful and boastful.

When you talk to an otaku, you talk about otaku things, and if you have a fujoshi, you talk about fujoshi stuff.

4. The potential psychology of the other party

If someone else looks dark, if you say "you are so dark", won't they not want to be white?

As the saying goes: Don't talk short words in front of a thin person, and don't talk about scars in front of a bald person.

Some people with physical or mental illnesses are particularly taboo about certain words being mentioned by others.

Don't say "fast", "small" or "short" in front of men.

When communicating with people, we talk about nothing more than people, things, and things.

Once you understand the other party's attitudes and opinions towards people, things and things, you can form your own corresponding "business card".

In addition, please note:

Expressing your own attitudes and opinions is just a way, and being consistent with the other party is the key.

What you like may not be liked by others; what you hate may be what others like.

You said you like the Three Kingdoms when you came, but the other party said what's the point of fighting and killing;

You said you like "A Dream of Red Mansions " when you came, but the other party said you are a bitch and cry;

You said you like it when you came here. Korea, but the other party said that he likes Japan...

Then, the atmosphere was very, very awkward.

Being compatible with each other is not about trying to please, but about finding common ground.

Two people use the same mobile phone, and I don’t know how to use it somewhere, so they discuss it with each other;

Both of them like animation, and I like "Dragon Ball" the most. Have you watched "Dragon Ball Super"?

Both of them like literature, you What books have you read recently...

Just look for similarities and commonalities to get closer, not deliberately to please or flatter.

Otherwise, the word "villain" will be printed on your business card unintentionally.

How to display your business card

Communication is an interactive process between the two parties, and the business card is gradually formed.

The formation and display of business cards are carried out at the same time, rather than finishing one and then picking up the other.

When foreigners meet, they say: The weather is really nice today;

When Chinese people meet, they say: Have you eaten?

This way of starting a conversation is both a greeting and an awkward one. Everyone can talk about these topics.

Then tentatively expand the topic: What did you eat? What are you going to do after eating...

When we first met, I asked, "Where are you from?"

"from Chongqing", "I am also from Chongqing".

In this way, you can immediately find a lot of common ground: fellow villagers.

Everyone speaks hometown dialect, tells hometown affairs, and talks about hometown flavor.

When you meet an old friend in a foreign country, you exchange cups and cups until dawn.

Even if you are not a fellow countryman.

"I'm from the Northeast",

"I've been to the Northeast. It's so cold there"

"I've eaten Northeastern food, Chicken stewed with mushrooms , Pork stewed vermicelli is delicious"

"My wife is from the Northeast ", "I have a colleague who is also from the Northeast"...

First dig out some information about others, and then release a little bit about your own situation.

This is not a resume submission. Every resume is the same. is not just about talking about your interests and hobbies right from the start.

This is just like playing "Werewolf", you can't reveal your cards right away.

Find the right time to show it to the other party just right.