"Doctor, you can't imagine how good it feels to feel useful again." Episode 32 of " Heart-to-Heart Consultation " , Alex appeared in Paul's consulting room in a military uniform. He excitedly told Paul that he was about to return to the naval base, return to the cockpit of the fighter , and return to the sky.
Let us take a closer look at this face. When he said: "I'm all ready," his eyes were filled with such strong excitement and anticipation!
Counting on his fingers, this is Alex’s sixth consultation, which means that he has not gone to work for at least six weeks.
Alex’s excitement and urgency at the moment can only be understood by people who lost their jobs during the COVID-19 epidemic and suddenly received job interview notices after the "unblocking".
They are in a hurry to get to work and it is not all for the money. Many people, like Alex, just want to make themselves feel " I am still a 'useful' person ."
This reason may not be easy for ordinary people to understand. But from a psychological point of view, it is neither pretentious nor noble or noble. it is just a psychological need, a psychological need that normal people have .
Max Weber, an important sociologist in the West, once said: " Man is an animal hanging on the web of meaning he has woven."
In other words, a person must find the reason, meaning, or hope for living if he lives. This thing can be expressed in one word, which is called " value ".
and " becoming a useful person, or a person who is needed " is an important fulcrum of "value".
Six weeks ago, Alex was "forced" to take a long vacation due to the psychological trauma caused by killing 16 civilians during a mission. After that, he got divorced, and his new relationship "comes and breaks up quickly." His father never thought highly of him. His son even refused to date him at the birthday party because he "didn't want to win him in public." Play chess together.
He suddenly became a "person that no one needs and no one cares about" . So, at his son's birthday party, he had to leave quietly.
"No one notices, no one needs", this is a feeling that is almost "worse than death" .
But "Becoming a useful person, or a needed person" is not the only fulcrum of "value" .
There is a story in "Zhuangzi".
Zhuangzi was walking in the mountains and saw a big tree with luxuriant branches and leaves, but the fellers stopped beside it and did not take it. When asked why, he said: "There is nothing to use." Zhuangzi said: "This tree has no material and will live its whole life."
Master came out of the mountain and left it at the home of his old friend. The old friend was delighted and ordered Zhuzi to kill the wild geese and cook them. Zhuzi asked: "One of them can sing, and one of them can't. Can you please kill him?" The master said: "Kill the one who can't sing." "(Useful) to survive. So, do people want to be "useful" or "useless"? Zhuangzi's answer is: "Floating on the basis of morality" - this slips into nihilism.
I don’t agree with Zhuangzi’s “nihilism in life”. I think that whether it is "useful" or "useless", it is just a manifestation of "value". For people, the fundamental fulcrum of "value" is "What kind of person do I want to be? " Only by answering this question can we truly understand: Why do I live?
If you know why you live, you can endure any kind of life ( Nietzsche ).
On the contrary, people are destined to hesitate between "useful" and "useless": If "useful", everyone needs you, and you will feel that life is exhausted; but if "useless", no one needs you, You will feel that life is boring again .
Just like what many people say: when you are at work, you want to take a vacation; when you are not at work, you want to work.
Between "involution" and "lying flat", you need to find your own "fundamental fulcrum of life value" .
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About the author
Rainbow psychological science : National second-level psychological counselor , Chinese mental health Association member, director and chief psychological counselor of the China Youth Psychological Counseling Office. Areas of expertise in psychological counseling: personal growth, marriage and family, parent-child education, and emotion management. Use the light of psychology to illuminate your life. Welcome to pay attention to "Rainbow Psychology Popularization".
