Text: Wang Zhiyuan | Marketing Psychology Card
1. Why do small things always lead to tragic endings?
We often encounter some things that are annoying, and some people will choose to vent them out, or even yell at others; but doing so does not seem to achieve a perfect solution, but makes them angry to death.
The reason why this happens is that many people don’t know, "When you are angry, your anger may burn others, but in more cases you may be the one who suffers in the end." This phenomenon is expressed in psychology It's called the "Wild Horse Effect" of .
There is also a classic story:
There is a group of wild horses living in the African grasslands. They are violent, irritable and very alert; surprisingly, the natural enemies of these wild horses are not lions and tigers, but bats.
These bats survive by sucking the blood of animals, and they often bite on the legs of wild horses. No matter how much the wild horses toss them, they will never let go, and they will calmly suck their blood and then leave; The wild horses have no way to deal with these "vampires", and in the end Tortured to death.
Zoologists have found that the amount of blood these bats suck is too small to be fatal to wild horses. What kills them is their rage and running after being targeted by bats.
In other words, vampire bats are only the cause of death of wild horses, and the violent emotional reaction of wild horses to this cause is the direct cause of their death.
Therefore, psychologists call it "Wild Horse Ending" when getting angry over trivial matters in life and work, which can easily lead to other people's negligence and harm to oneself.
What inspiration can we get?
There are many articles on how to deal with emotional problems, but the most important thing is that should improve one's tolerance to external stimulation and the ability to objectively evaluate external stimulation.
When you want to get angry, repeatedly tell yourself "This matter is not worth it" and "I should look at it from a different angle"; in addition, after calming down, it is also a good way to find friends around you and talk about your dissatisfaction to others. This way, you can learn from your relatives and friends. Find comfort there.
2. How to let go of your obsessions?
In Greek mythology, there is a heroic Hercules named "Hercules".
One day on the bumpy road, he saw something like a bulging bag at his feet.
Ta picked up a wooden stick as thick as a bowl and smashed it at it. Oh my god, that thing actually expanded and blocked the road. Heracles couldn't do anything about it.
When he was depressed, a saint appeared in front of him and said to him, that is a bag of hatred. The more you are filled with hatred, the more it will expand. On the contrary, if you ignore it, it will become smaller than before; Later, people called this effect For Hercules effect (Hercules effect)
There was once a sales training expert in the Volvo Group named "William Hals".
During the Second World War, Hals fled to Sweden. Because he could speak and write several languages, he hoped to find a job in an import and export company, but most companies rejected him.
Among them, one person said in a letter to Hals "It can be seen that you have no understanding of the job of secretary" , and you can't even write Swedish well. The letter is full of typos. I There is no need for such a secretary.
Hals went crazy when he saw it.
So he immediately wrote a reply, which was full of positive sarcasm and harsh words. When he finished writing, he did not send it, but stopped and said to himself "Even if the other party receives the letter, What does it mean to me to be furious?"
So Hals tore up the abusive letter and wrote another one instead.
In this letter, he expressed his shame about his poor writing skills and expressed his gratitude to the other party for his guidance. It didn’t take long for Hals to receive a reply from the other party. At the same time, he also got a “secretary job” because of his sincerity.
What inspiration can we get?
There can be no conflicts of interest in interpersonal relationships. We should treat hatred with tolerance, and hatred will naturally disappear. Remembering the good things of others will be "beneficial to yourself"; on the contrary, if you retaliate against the other person's hatred, you will get short-term pleasure. What good does it do to have greater hatred?
3. How to adjust the despair mentality?
American psychologist Martin Seligman conducted a classic experiment in 1967 when studying animals:
He locked the dog in a cage with a buzzer, and every time he was electrocuted, he fell to the ground and groaned. Fecal incontinence; after repeated torture many times, Seligman changed the test process.
did not rush the motor after the buzzer sounded, but opened the cage door first. However, instead of escaping, the dog fell to the ground and began to moan before the motor started.
could have taken the initiative to escape, but gave up hope because of the previous experience of despair and silently endured the coming pain. This is what Seligman calls "learned helplessness."
The core point is that due to long-term accumulation of negative life experiences, people cannot regain their self-confidence; to avoid such situations, the most important thing is to have a dialectical view of frustration and always maintain self-confidence and optimism.
Coleman Mitch, a retired officer of the U.S. Marine Corps , was seriously injured in a flight accident. 65% of his skin was burned. For this, he underwent sixteen operations; after the operation, he still could not pick up the phone. , knife and fork, and cannot go to the toilet alone.
Such a setback did not make him fall into despair. He used the insurance compensation to buy himself a house in Corona while continuing his rehabilitation training.
Six months later, however, he was able to fly a plane again.
After recovery, Mitchell and two friends jointly opened a company and lived a very good life operating wood-fired stoves. However, he did not expect that one day four years later, the plane was thrown back to the runway when taking off. This time All 12 vertebrae in his chest were crushed to pieces, and he was completely paralyzed from the waist down.
Regarding this accident, he said almost desperately, "I still can't figure out why these things always happen to me and what kind of evil I did." In the end, he survived another low period.
Later, after unremitting efforts, he was elected as the mayor of Lone Peak Town in Coronado State to protect the town's environment from being destroyed by excessive mining due to bankruptcy.
He used the slogan "Not just another pretty face" to transform his face that was beyond recognition in the accident into a person widely admired by the public.
He never despaired of the desperate situation. In a public speech, he said "I could do 10,000 things before I was paralyzed, but now I focus on the 1,000 things I can't do well." , maybe If you look at the experiences you had before you were inadequate from a different perspective, you will take a step back and see more broadly.
Therefore, without an iron will, it is easy to be defeated by desperate circumstances.
Therefore, when a person attributes uncontrollable negative events or failure results to his or her own intelligence and ability; a diffuse state of helplessness and depression will appear, self-evaluation will be reduced, and motivation will be weakened. At the lowest level, this also creates a sense of helplessness.
4. The worst comes first, then the better?
Willie Carell was an engineer for the Buffalo Steel Company in New York. Once he went to Missouri to install a cleaning machine. After some hard work, the machine was barely usable, but it still could not meet the quality guaranteed by the company.
He was very anxious about this and couldn't sleep for a while.
Later, he realized that worrying could not solve any problem, so he changed to another way of solving the problem. He thought, "What is the worst result of this matter? Is it just the boss dismantling the machine and finally firing himself?
Thinking of this, Karel said to himself, "What should I do if I lose my job?" Then I discovered that it was not difficult to find a job when there was a general shortage of maintenance engineers. In other words, the worst outcome was not unacceptable.
After being mentally prepared, his mood gradually calmed down. Later, after several experiments, he finally found that if he spent a few thousand more yuan to install more equipment, the problem would be solved.
finally not only solved the problem but also got a perfect improvement plan.
Later, success master Dale Carnegie summarized a set of methodology for solving worries from his experience, and named it "Carrel's Formula".
In a speech, he broke down the formula into three steps: 1) Eliminate fear, 2) Find the worst-case scenario that could happen, 3) Peacefully invest your energy and improve it.
But if you keep worrying, you may never It is impossible to do these three things; because the most harmful thing about worry is that it destroys our ability to concentrate.
Therefore, when we are forced to face the worst-case scenario, we first learn to accept it, and then weigh all possible scenarios, so that we can better improve by putting ourselves in a situation where we can focus on solving the problem.
5. Are beautiful lies really useful?
When it comes to changes in beliefs and consciousness, perhaps the most famous example is the placebo effect (Placebo Effect) , which was first discovered by doctors during clinical treatment in hospitals in the 19th century.
Doctors believe that some fake treatments that appear to be the same as real treatments but do not actually contain any medically active ingredients often produce results.
Why is this happening?
Mainly because in a single-blind situation, sometimes the person being treated does not know the situation behind it, but is just "deceived" by the researcher to believe that something is effective; therefore, when actively suggested, the belief body will change the inner feelings .
According to current brain science research, in addition to external assistance, active self-suggestion also has a positive effect on psychological rehabilitation; for example, in psychotherapy (psychotherapy), it can have the effect of self-relaxation and hypnosis.
This kind of exercise is generally divided into two parts:
One is more specific, can be used to imagine and self-talk about the physical state, such as "I am calm and nothing can disturb me", "My arms are very heavy now" "I am very warm" and so on; the second part is more abstract, and goes deep into the imagination of "who am I and what should I do?"
In life, what scenarios are suitable for us to use?
When a child makes a fuss, if you hold him and coax him, "Don't cry, don't cry," he will really calm down. When your emotions rise, tell yourself "Don't get excited" and you will be effectively controlled.
Even when you tell yourself "I want to be happy" when you are downcast, you will be comforted by pious lies in the long run.
In short, although the placebo effect can bring some positive effects, you must always be careful not to fall into the cage of "lies" for a long time . This is like you always comfort yourself that the future will be better, but never work hard.
