continues to write. I repeated my studies for one year, probably because I had a relatively good foundation before my first year of high school. Fortunately, I was admitted to and of Wuhan Iron and Steel Institute. The feeling continued in college, and in the first semester of college, it moved to bugs crawling on the palms of my hands and soles of my feet, and the feeling on my neck was no longer noticeable. As long as I'm awake, that feeling lingers and I can't concentrate all the time. That feeling is worse than death. When we entered the school, our test scores in Sichuan were relatively high, more than 100 points higher than those of our classmates in Yunnan, Beijing, and Qinghai. Our foundation was still relatively good. Wuhan and Jiangsu were a little higher than us. It was 3+2 back then, and English 139 was the highest score in the class (out of 150), and I didn't even pass CET-4 after that. It is conceivable how harmful obsessive-compulsive disorder is. When it is the most painful, I want to cut my hands and feet with a knife, and I even fantasize about cutting off my hands and feet. Although I failed the class and failed to pass CET-4, fortunately I still graduated successfully. We were in the last year of the package allocation, so we returned to Panzhihua, Sichuan. After going to work, I am not as focused on work as I am on studying. When I first started working, I worked shifts of and , which was quite hard and busy. After get off work every day, I also liked playing cards. Then it went like this, day by day. Although the symptoms were still there, it was not that painful and I didn't lose sleep. By 2012, after I was promoted to a department-level cadre, I rarely played cards, and then almost never played, but the feeling of compulsion was not that strong. At this time, I gradually learned from the Internet that I had obsessive-compulsive disorder, and also learned about Morita Therapy . In fact, after so many years, although I have never heard of Morita therapy, I may have applied that method unconsciously in my life. Ignore it and let nature take its course. In fact, during this period of time, I played less cards and paid more attention to the feeling of my opponent's feet. In 2016, a high school classmate contacted me and pulled me into the high school group. One day, a classmate in the group asked me why my grades suddenly dropped so much. Was it because I had a crush on a friend or something? I defended myself and revealed this secret that I had hidden for many years. From then on, the forced feeling was awakened further and became stronger and stronger. From high school, college, to work, I had kept this secret deep in my heart, and then suddenly I revealed it. I seemed to feel the strange eyes of my classmates, which came back to bite me. In addition, I got a new job and a new environment in 2017. I couldn’t adapt to it at first, so I gradually started to suffer from insomnia and anxiety, and then insomnia, anxiety and depression, a vicious cycle. , and later headaches, panic... To be continued.
