Have you ever had negative emotions that affected your mood throughout the day?
I planned to go out with my friends to watch movies, go shopping, and where to go for the weekend, but my friend coldly replied that I won’t go.
The whole family had planned a vacation together, and all the strategies were prepared, but my husband said that something unexpected happened and he couldn't go, so he had to cancel the travel plan.
The feeling of loss after being rejected and the loneliness of not being understood suddenly made me feel very depressed, and my whole person began to exude negative energy.
We will always feel depressed and sad all day because of some dissatisfaction. The negative emotions generated cannot be eliminated for a while, but can only be endured silently.
When you are sick, you all know to see a doctor, but when you have an emotional problem, who should you go to?
The author of the book " Emotional First Aid " is psychology researcher Dr. Guy Winch. He studied the harm that negative emotions bring to our body and how to prevent it. It is like a first aid treasure box. When you have negative emotions, you can prescribe the right medicine.
Dr. Guy Winch | Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences Press
mainly talks about 7 common psychological harm factors in life: rejection, loneliness, loss, guilt, rumination, failure and low self-esteem.
Learn how to treat these 7 negative emotions, so you don’t have to be disturbed by them anymore.
Rejection is the most common emotional harm
Have you ever been sad for a whole day because of rejection by others?
You want to study abroad, but your parents think it's too far away and won't allow you to go;
When you're an adult, you fall in love, but your parents don't approve of each other and are firmly opposed to it;
After you get a job, your parents want you to take more certificates so that you can find a job more easily, but this But it's not what you want. You don't even have a chance to speak out.
When you are at home, you are controlled by your parents. Everything must be done according to their standards. If you don't agree with them, they will not allow you to do it.
Outside the home, I was habitually rejected by my parents. When I disagreed with others, I couldn't express my opinions, so I had to aggrieve myself and cater to others.
often hurts himself by refusing others' requests due to ignorance, so he almost suffers from depression .
How can we avoid the psychological harm caused by being rejected by others so often? And how to treat it?
writes down . Write down all those who deny you and reject you. Who rejected you, why they rejected you, and how you felt at the time. Write them all down.
Then think carefully about why others reject you, whether you are not doing well enough, or whether the other party is resisting.
But no matter what the reason is, there is no need to blame yourself too much, let alone feel sad about it. You just need to face it squarely and don't take it to heart.
Loneliness is the biggest obstacle to interpersonal communication
The factor that determines whether we are lonely is not the number of relationships but their subjective quality, which depends on the degree to which we are emotionally isolated from society.
I have read a sentence, loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.
Yes, if a group of people stay together, it seems that they are not lonely on the surface, but how many of them really enjoy this loneliness?
There are thousands of friends in the WeChat address book, but there are only one or two with whom we can chat;
In order to expand his interpersonal circle, he attends various gatherings and seems to have met a lot of friends, but at critical moments, he can still have friends. How many people can come forward?
Having many friends can only help you cover up your temporary loneliness, but it cannot give you spiritual nourishment.
And it is often the inner loneliness that tempts us to do things that go against our hearts, joining in with others for the sake of being together, but ignoring our own feelings.
So how can we avoid this feeling of loneliness, stop being in groups for the sake of being in groups, and be our true self?
Read more, exercise more, nourish yourself, constantly improve yourself, make your soul richer, pay attention to the inside, then you will not seek externally.
Furthermore, you can participate in more charity activities or do one good deed every day. In this way, you will have a special sense of accomplishment and will not feel that you are needed or ignored. On the contrary, there will be people who like to get your help and hope that you can Always happy.
Loss is a major blow on the spiritual level.
There are many unsatisfactory things in life that we cannot control. If we look at it with negative thinking, we will fall into it and be unable to extricate ourselves.
For example, if you suddenly get a serious illness, your life will be disrupted, and even your work will be affected.
Originally, as long as he worked harder, he could be promoted to manager next year, but this accident suddenly broke his hopes. All his hopes were shattered, and he could only blame his body for not living up to expectations.
Seeing that money is needed everywhere, from old to young, but at this moment, he cannot quit his job and go home to recuperate.
But without the worry of a source of income, how can we recuperate with peace of mind? This thought made me fall into a quagmire, blame myself, and even lose the courage to fight.
So, when we encounter misfortune in life, or are seriously ill, or lose our job, or have a loved one pass away, or a partner breaks up, how can we get out of it without being affected by these dissatisfactions?
relieve emotional pain in your own way and find another level of your own value.
When facing the incoming negative emotions, you can use the most comfortable way to relieve them. You can cry loudly and vent all your dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction. You can also go out for a run to run away all the negative emotions.
At the same time, you can also develop another side of your value, or cultivate a certain hobby of yours, so that even if you encounter unexpected events in life, you can use this to relieve yourself, or rely on it to make a living.
The reason why it is easy to lose fighting spirit when encountering unexpected events in life is that a large part of it is that the heart is not strong enough and I have no special skills. I just follow the steps every day without any plan.
Guilt is the poison that kills self-confidence
We always feel guilty because we have made mistakes or caused damage to others.
The plan was disrupted or not implemented on time. Afterwards, I felt empty and guilty.
I promised my friends or colleagues to do something, but failed to do it within the stipulated time, and it was delayed because of it, so I felt very guilty and blamed myself.
Once or twice, you will subconsciously feel that you cannot accomplish something, so you will feel particularly inferior and even lose your self-confidence.
But if you can adjust it in time, it is not that serious, because everyone will make mistakes sometimes.
So, what should we do if we violate our own plans and fail to help others?
First of all, forgive yourself . Because some things can't be done, it's not because I'm really incapable of it. Maybe it's too difficult, or maybe it's because time is limited and I couldn't complete it in a short time, so I was delayed and the effect was average.
Secondly, apologize to others . If you promise someone else something but fail to complete it within the stipulated time, you must know how to explain the reason to the other party and apologize. If it's your own thing and you haven't finished it, give yourself a punishment and tell yourself you won't do it again.
Finally, learn to plan . Plan according to the four quadrants of time, prioritize and eliminate them one by one so that nothing is missed.
Rumination is the reappearance of emotional scars
After encountering misfortune, we always habitually reflect and think about why this happened and why it happened to us instead of thinking in a good direction, so we fall into it. The vicious cycle of rumination.
Rumination causes us to have negative thoughts, hinders the solution of problems, and increases our psychological and physiological stress response . This can lead us to become depressed and more likely to lead to depression.
Therefore, when something bad happens, the past is over. There is no need to think about it deliberately, because this will only increase your pain.
But if you really can't stop yourself from thinking about it, it doesn't matter. You can use effective methods to eliminate it.
can change the perspective to , and think of the bad things that happen as a booster for one's own growth.
Look at with positive thinking, and learn to divert your attention and don't focus on bad things.
Think more about good things, then even if something bad happens, as long as you have a good attitude and learn to "forget", you will not be troubled by it.
Failure is a habitual offender who defeats self-confidence
Dr. Guy Winch mentioned in "Emotional First Aid" that failure can lead to three types of psychological trauma:
"It induces us to draw wildly inaccurate conclusions about our abilities and skills. "
" It erodes our confidence, motivation and optimism bit by bit, making us feel helpless and trapped; "
" It can induce unconscious stress and fear, causing us to inadvertently Destroy your own efforts for the future. "
Failure will make us lose the motivation to move forward. If we cannot get out of it in time, we will fall into it and even doubt ourselves.
But if you can treat what you encounter with positive thinking, you will not be defeated by failure, but will become more courageous as you fight.
So how do you save yourself in the face of failure?
First of all, you must recognize yourself and believe in yourself. Failure once or twice doesn't mean anything. Believe that you can accomplish anything.
Secondly, find something you like and value and focus on it. Work hard every day, and persist for years.
Finally, learn to face failure, take responsibility for yourself, and admit your fears. Failure is not terrible, what is terrible is being knocked down by it and being unable to move forward.
Low self-esteem is a stumbling block that hinders your progress.
Dr. Guy Winch mentioned in "Emotional First Aid" that low self-esteem can lead to three types of psychological trauma:
"It can make us less sensitive to many emotional and psychological injuries in life." "
" It will make us think about the bad and induce us to make incorrect decisions; "
" It will also make us lose self-confidence, feel incompetent, and often even feel uneasy. ”
Excessive low self-esteem will make us lose self-confidence and easily produce negative thoughts, and then the decisions we make will not be ideal. The negative magnetic field that we emit will attract bad things, and naturally we will be more likely to have low self-esteem. , I feel like I can’t do anything well.
In fact, as long as you change your mentality slightly, everything will be different.
So, how to improve your self-confidence?
Affirm your own strengths, accept yourself, improve your self-control and ability, and improve your temperament.
If you improve yourself from the inside out, your inferiority complex will naturally dissipate. The reason why
has low self-esteem is that he has no money, knows little, and looks average, but these cannot be the reasons for his lack of confidence.
Because you are not good-looking, you can put on makeup to modify it;
you have no money or ability, but you can go to school and improve yourself, and you can still make money.
And it just depends on whether you are willing to make changes.
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