School-absorbed Disorder Management Camp: When the child is in the first year of high school, it is annoying for the parents to say a word. What's wrong with the child now

The netizen asked:

The child is in the first year of high school, and the parents are annoying when they say a word. What happened to the child now? What should I do?

01

Guanxinying replied:

Since the parents say a word, the children feel annoyed

-then why say it?

Ignore the above complaints, the following is the official answer.

The joys and sorrows of human beings are not the same, and between parents and children.

We at Guanxin Camp for school disgust often receive families with similar problems. Almost all of them have such problems. Children are reluctant to communicate with their parents and feel that their parents are annoying.

Actually, is that teenage child willing to listen to their parents nagging?

Not to mention adolescents, when a bunch of adults come for consultation, they also complain about their parents' nagging and don't like to listen.

When parents and children get along, if parents want less conflicts, they must do these 6 words: talk less, cook more.

A lot of parents are really, really good at "making" mistakes.

I used the word "manufacturing" here, which may not be very accurate. A more accurate statement should be "picking".

However, many teenage visitors judge their parents as "made" mistakes, often feeling that their parents have an excuse to scold him out of nothing.

for example.

The grades are average, and the class is ranked 30th in the test - you only got 80 points in the test, so you don't want to work hard, and you are not motivated at all.

The grades are on the high side, and you are ranked 15th in the class - you only got more than 15 in the test, and you are so proud of yourself that you will fall down sooner or later.

has excellent grades and is in the top 5 of the class - you only got the fifth place in the exam, why don't you look at the first place?

got top grades and got the first place in the class—the first place was good, but you can play the piano, you should hurry up and learn.

02

often think it is amazing that these parents can always find the bad things about their children.

If parents can compare themselves with their children, they will say, "I was XXXX, why are you so bad."

If parents can't compare with their children, they will say, "Look at XXX next door, why are you so bad."

(other people's homes children, always come out to take the blame.)

Children also have the same doubts as us, as if their parents are deaf and can't hear their own speech at all, they are always talking to themselves.

Even some children have depression, but parents keep saying that their children are not good, and they don't care about their children's life or death. Why is this?

Because many parents have become accustomed to this scene of constantly accusing their children of being bad. Moreover, in such a scene, the children feel the pain of being blamed and controlled, but the parents feel a correct sense of care and protection.

is just like what is proposed in the organizational state therapy used in the treatment of anorexia, the family is a closed system, and in a closed system, because of space constraints, members can easily enter an excessive competition Among them, is to use the other party's mistakes to prove their own right. Moreover, the depression of many children is also directly related to the constant accusations of parents.

03

You see, the joys and sorrows of human beings are really different at all, even in the close parent-child relationship.

The mother can't feel the pain of the children at all, and even the more the children resist, the more the parents feel the necessity of their [correctness], and the more they have to show their correctness.

Guanxin Camp's consultants, during many times of misogyny consultations, clearly ask parents, especially mothers, when they are still blaming their children in the consultation room, they will ask face-to-face questions, if necessary Choose between proving yourself right and making your children happy. Which would you choose?

In this kind of clear two-choice question, many parents will think, ah, my correctness is often in conflict with the happiness of children!

Parents are completely unaware that they are not helping their children, but showing their correctness.

What parents feel is that they care and love for their children, so they will keep repeating such a bad mental game.

If you have questions about school-abortion, please pay attention to Guanxinying's account. We are a professional psychological counseling agency for school-abortion, and there are a lot of questions and answers about school-abuse and rebellious periods.

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