[Statement: The story of this group member is from the patient's submission. Some of the identifiable information has been hidden during the later editing, and the patient's public consent has been obtained. Thanks for its support. If you have any questions or inappropriate points, please contact the editor. Patient treatment sharing does not constitute a diagnosis and treatment advice and cannot replace the doctor's individualized judgment of specific patients. If you need to visit a doctor, please go to a regular hospital for treatment under the guidance of a doctor. 】
In 2020, after I encountered a car accident, I suffered from moderate to severe depression.
My son dropped out of school, his parents were admitted to the hospital, and a series of blows made me, at the age of 46, fall into the darkest trough of my life.
When I was about to write this article, I was still nervous.
is a painful replay for me, but I decided to write it down. One is for commemoration; the other is for a warning to friends who are in depression.
An accident caused me to fall into the boundless abyss
I am a partner of a small company. My career is quite smooth, and of course I have a lot of pressure.
Time went back to August 2020. Due to an accidental car accident, I broke my left foot and had no choice but to stay at home to recuperate every day. At that time, my son planned to drop out of school due to the pressure of his studies and school environment, and often confronted me in tit.
The long-term backlog of frustration surged in my heart.
I was not interested in anything and was full of anxiety. Only when I am lying on the bed can I feel equal in the world and hope to keep the night forever.
This state lasted until October, and my wife had already seen my extraordinary nature. At that time, I didn't want to do anything, my appetite decreased, my hair was dizzy, my head was swollen, and I was confused all day long, my back was tight, painful, and I felt sweaty.
On sunny days, I feel very sad.
also experiences memory loss. If you send a goods, you may wonder if you have registered your phone address incorrectly and need to confirm it repeatedly.
I just want to stay at home all day, and the only way to pass the time is to fight Landlord on my phone.
doesn't want to talk, don't want to meet anyone, especially relatives and friends you are familiar with, and even your parents don't want to go back to visit. I didn't even want to answer the phone because I was afraid that the phone would ring, so I mute it.
In the dark, sometimes the thoughts are clear and you can still just go through. But as soon as it dawns, the mood will fall down involuntarily until the evening.
gradually, I became more and more dissatisfied with myself, and even began to think of leaving this world...
Even if I were walking corpses, I would still live in front of them
Such dark days lasted for more than forty days.
Under the repeated pressure of my wife, we came to the Mental Health Building of the First Hospital of Hebei Medical University and met with my first doctor. We did a test and EEG . After nearly 2 hours of examination, the doctor diagnosed it with moderate to severe depression .
At first I didn’t understand what depression is, and I couldn’t figure out why I got depression, and it was severe, so I never dared to face this reality, let alone see a doctor. I thought it was because I was narrow-minded and weak willpower.
Through this regular examination, I found that the secretion of dopamine in my brain that can conduct excitation has decreased, so I developed depression.
At this time, I realized that I was indeed sick and started to receive regular treatment. After
, I started my medical career. I remember that when I took the medicine for more than 30 days, I still had no reaction. By more than 40 days, my physical symptoms were basically relieved.
However, leaks and rains all night.
During this period, my mother suddenly was hospitalized because of high blood sugar in .Shortly after she was discharged from the hospital, her father was admitted to the hospital due to heart problems.
At this time, my son began to formally drop out of school, but I didn't care about him anymore.
At that time, I accompanied my parents like a fool, taking them to see a doctor, undergoing examinations, and taking care of them, but I was extremely desperate and dared not tell them that I was depressed.
But they are also the motivation to support me in life. If I die, can my elder brother take good care of his parents alone? Can my sensitive son still carry out his future study and life? What should I do with my wife?
Whenever I think of this, the only remaining belief in my heart will ignite a little more.
I think even the walking corpse must live in front of them, so I can also be comforted.
My heart is resurrecting little by little
During my medication treatment, because the first doctor prescribed the medicine did not respond, my wife decided to let me change the doctor. The second attending doctor was Director H of the First Hospital of the Provincial Medical University. She adjusted the medication for me and first increased the dose. When I first started taking
, I had tinnitus , more than ten times a day. The doctor said this meant that the medicine worked for me, and it was a good thing, so I insisted on taking it.
The epidemic was inconvenient and it was not convenient to buy medicine. The doctor suggested that I prescribe medicine on the Zhaoyang Doctor APP and send the medicine home. After persisting for three weeks, it began to improve. By the beginning of the fourth week, it was replaced with other medicines. I took three medicines in total, which are anti-anxiety and anti-depressant.
was the second day of the fourth week after the dressing change, which was at 4:18 pm on December 19, 2020. I clearly remember that I was taking care of my father in the hospital. On the way out to the supermarket to shop, suddenly felt that his head was much more relaxed and his heart was resurrecting little by little.
That afternoon, I ran around Longzhou Park three times by myself...
Looking back at that time, the help from my relatives and friends around me saved me to a large extent.
Thanks to my wife, her rationality, patience and unyielding touched me the most.
During those days, she helped me manage the company's business with all her heart. At home, she never got angry with me. Basically, she lie down and lie down, cooking my food, drink, and defecation. and comforted me and said, it's just sick, it's okay, it will be fine.
I once put myself in my shoes, dragging a depressed husband, a son who dropped out of school, and a pair of in-laws in poor health. How much pressure should she bear, and how bitter should she be in her heart?
and a Pomeranian brought back by my wife, called "Lala".
When there was no one at home, I was lying alone in the bed. Xiao Lala liked to run around, kissing my hands and feet constantly, wanting me to take it out, which made me feel like I was needed. Even though I was very unhappy to go out, I had to take it out. This elves who God sent to save me and accompanied me through many boring days.
Thanks to my partner. Whenever I go to the countryside to deliver goods, I urge me to go with me, although he does not really need my company, but hopes that I can go out for more walks. Although I was expressionless and didn't say a word, I was extremely painful. Under such pressure, I still gritted my teeth every now and then.
Thanks to those two high school classmates who knew I had a problem and "harassed" me from time to time on phone or WeChat.
I just lived just like that... It was them that made me not become a zombie. Although these are not the main reasons for healing me, at least they did not bring my depression to a worse direction.
Love yourself
Only by pulling yourself back from the black hole of depression
As for myself, I think the medicine solves the symptoms of my body and gives me the strength to run.
. Real recovery still requires your own psychological construction.
Doctor also said that depression does not occur overnight, it is a process.
Actually, three years ago, I was in a depressed mood for a while due to the company's business problems, but I didn't take it seriously. Although I was in a bad mood at that time, I could still control myself by my will, and outsiders could not see it.
has developed to the present, whether it is a car accident or a son dropping out of school, these are just fuses. The real problem of is my own heart, I pursue perfection too much, have too high requirements for myself, and when there is a problem with my emotions, I did not resolve it in time.
Since I got this disease, I have begun to work hard to understand things about depression. After the condition stabilized, I learned another 3 weeks of mindfulness training. I feel that my heart has grown a lot.
At present, I still need to take medicine. The doctor said I will take it for another half a year and I will also reduce it slowly when reducing medicine. And I also started working normally after the Spring Festival.
My current understanding of depression is the exhaustion of self-energy and loss of the mind.
Therefore, loving yourself is the primary priority. You must find yourself and change your former thinking patterns and lifestyle.
For mild and moderate depression, you can persist in normal life and work with your will and thoughts.
However, severe depression does not have a certain external environment, and it is difficult to get out of it by yourself alone. Because you don’t want to do anything, and you can’t even get out of bed, there is no way to talk about will or persistence.
But exercise and regular routine can indeed fight a certain amount of depression, so we must try our best to move, even if we are unhappy, at least, these can give us a certain amount of physical strength to fight a certain amount of depression.
I feel lucky when I am on the road to recovery!
I call on those friends who are deeply trapped in the depression black hole:
First, it is normal to be unable to think about it because we are sick.
But be sure to hold back and don't try to hurt yourself. We have to just live by and wait, even if it is so humiliating and down-and-out. When you are depressed, you will be completely lost and life is worse than death. But life is only once, and our existence itself is a miracle! Who made us the former swimming champion?
Second, discover as early as possible and treat as soon as possible.
Must receive treatment from a professional psychiatrist and take medicine as directed by the doctor. If you don’t give it a try, how do you make sure that taking medicine is not effective for you?
I know that moderate and severe depression is a double blow to everyone's body and psychology, and it is really difficult for those who do not experience this. It is normal for others to not understand, but we must forgive that fragile and sensitive soul.
Love yourself well, shake hands with yourself and make peace; accept yourself and accept this flawed world.
Because true love lasts forever, the world is worth it!
