Many babies are born shortly before their mothers go to work, and the children will naturally be taken by their grandparents or nanny. Putting aside the difficulties of each family, they only talk about the growth of the baby. Children who grow up like this are similar to the children who have been with their mothers. What's the difference? This mother's personal experience may explain some problems.
Xiaofan is an office worker. She has always been on her job during pregnancy. She took maternity leave when she was about to give birth in the third trimester. After the baby was born, her mother-in-law gave her a confinement, so in the first month after the baby was born, she That is to say, hold the baby when you are breastfeeding. Usually the mother-in-law and confinement take care of the baby. In the second month, the confinement sister-in-law left. Because the family was in good condition, the mother-in-law hired a nanny who was specially responsible for taking care of the baby. Although Xiaofan became a mother, he took care of the baby, such as bathing, crying, and cutting nails. I was still in a hurry. Occasionally I took my baby to live with my parents for two days. I was not used to it, so I hurried back home. In this way, when the baby was four months old, Xiaofan went to work, and the baby was given to the mother-in-law and nanny. After the baby was two years old, he quit the nanny. The baby stayed with his grandmother. Xiaofan did not sleep with the baby at night, and the baby was obedient. The mother went to work, the baby did not cry, and the mother came back. The baby is not pleasantly surprised. Xiaofan always said that her baby is very obedient. Unlike some mothers, he has to be sneaky at work, for fear that the baby will see the cry.
However, Xiaofan has not been happy recently. Her unit is not profitable. In addition, her husband wants a second child. Xiaofan made up her mind to resign. Once she is free, she also wants to be a good and responsible mother. But I found it was too difficult. I took the baby to her room to sleep. I was very happy the first day, but the next day I started clamoring for grandma. Xiaofan had a dispute with her mother-in-law about a trivial matter. The baby came over to beat her mother with a broomstick. Xiaofan was so angry, not to mention that she was taught by her mother-in-law, and her mother-in-law has a hard time arguing. The baby made a mistake, and grandma was obedient when she said a few words, but when Xiaofan said a few words, the child would just say a few words, not listening at all, such as watching TV, the baby holding the remote control and not turning it on, Xiao Fan was so angry. On TV, the baby fell on the ground and rolled, and the mother-in-law came back from buying food. The child immediately ran into her mother-in-law's arms and burst into tears. Xiaofan was so angry. Who on earth did this child give birth to? Why doesn't my mother work? Is it hard for babies not to love their mother?
At night, Xiaofan hid in the room and couldn’t get out. Her husband and mother-in-law tried to persuade her. She just couldn’t figure it out. Later, her husband showed her a video of teacher Li Meijin’s speech, and she realized it completely. It turned out that the first year after the baby was born It is so important, but she is absent, and it is severely absent. No wonder how she does it is like a copycat mother in the eyes of the baby. It turns out that the problem lies with her.
Professor Li Meijin said that in the first year after the birth of a child, no matter how difficult it is, mothers must bring their own child , which is extremely important to the child. Professor Li Meijin once mentioned in her speech that many parents would approach her because of their children’s problems. The first question she asked her parents was, who brought the child in his early years, before the age of one or three. Who brought it? If the mother brought the child, the child’s problem would be solved. If the child was not brought by the mother herself, she knew from her heart that the problem between the child and her mother has reached a level that is difficult to solve. That is to say, in the early years of the child, all his happiness is closely related to his mother’s voice and smile. No matter how naughty he is, he will leave a space for the mother in his heart. If the mother loses this advantage, she will lose the treatment of the child. Psychological control, what she says and does, has the same influence on the child as other family members.
What is the psychological control of children?
Control is not about controlling the child, but a series of influences from the mother on the child. For example, when the child is sad or crying, he will immediately think of looking for a mother, but if the mother does not take the child by herself, she chooses Give the child to the grandmother or grandma, then the child will find the grandmother if he is sad, and if his caregiver has a conflict with his mother, the child will hate his mother from the bottom of his heart. In other words, the mother will have a hard pregnancy for October. It’s better to raise the child in person. This is to lay the foundation for the child’s emotions. Human development is divided into three stages. The first is emotion, and then the language. The mother takes care of the baby in the first year. He cries and hugs him. Get up, he eats and drinks Lazarus to sleep, there is alwaysIf a person is by his side, then he has established an extremely close parent-child relationship with this person. His emotional development revolves around the mother, and his sense of security comes from this. This is the basis of the child’s psychological satisfaction, so no matter what the mother says or does What, the meaning to the child is different, the mother has the supreme right, she will listen to whatever the child says, the mother is the person who the child admires and admires most, this is the psychological control, can also be called, parent The psychological capital of raising children.
So parents want to have real capital in front of their children, especially mothers. They want to take care of a child, not by frightening, not by beatings, but by the first year of love. How important is the raising of
babies in the first year? Looking at these few examples, you will know that Professor
Li Meijin specializes in criminal psychology. She recalled that many criminals are very bad, but only in front of their mothers, they are not. Similarly, there was a criminal who killed a lot of people. When the police went to catch him, he was ready to resist. At this moment, his mother opened the curtain and came in. He put down his hand and was just like that. Caught because he didn't want to show his unknown side in front of his mother, nor did he want to destroy his image in front of his mother, or that his inner goodness was awakened by his mother, which shows the importance of a mother to a child.
mentioned the author of "My First Half of My Life", the last emperor Pu Yi. He said that when he was a child, when he was eleven years old, beating eunuchs had become commonplace. He was the emperor and said that he was the same, so every time he lost his temper. When unhappy, the eunuch is the most afraid, which means suffering, but when he is happy, the eunuch is also unlucky because he also likes pranks, Pu Yi's childhood is perverse, has many strange hobbies, he likes to tease The obedient eunuchs, seeing that they were unlucky and afraid to resist, he was happy in his heart. For example, in order to test whether the eunuchs were really obedient, he deliberately threw food on the ground and let the eunuchs eat them. As a result, the eunuchs really lay down. Eaten on the ground, for such a small ancestor who dare not provoke, is there anyone to treat him?
People began to look for Puyi’s master. Since ancient times, they have been a teacher and a father for life. The ancients respected the teacher very much. Sometimes what the teacher said is more useful than his parents, but Puyi can’t listen to him. He treats the teacher. The preaching of benevolence does not catch a cold at all, and the pranks continue, but the only person who can stop Puyi’s behavior is not non-existent, that is, his nurse, Wang Jiao, this nurse does not know a big character, and will not Putting out the principle, but only when she persuades Puyi, Puyi will feel that the nursing mother's words are not good, so she will stop this behavior. why? Because she fed Puyi and grew up, Puyi was attached to her psychologically, which is the so-called psychological capital.
Only in front of the mother, the child is not behaved. It is the performance of the mother who is in position.
Many mothers will complain. When the child sees the mother, they will start to be behaved, act like a baby, cry and cling to others. I'm very tired, and I have to take care of this naughty little demon. What's even more annoying is that my family members will also ask questions. Why does the child die when he sees his mother? Is it because mothers failed to teach their children?
NONONO, this is the biggest reward the child gives to his mother. He only shows his unscrupulous and true appearance in front of his mother. This is because he is not defending against his mother. Mom is the person closest to his heart, just like another self. Pretending to be so tired, so all kinds of emotions will burst out, inner peace, and children who are willing to express all kinds of emotions are so happy, all because of the mother.
Imagine that a baby has been dependent on his mother from an embryo. He grows up listening to his mother’s heartbeat, familiar with her mother’s voice, and even after birth, he is attached to the taste of her mother. When he is breastfeeding, the mother’s breath The mother’s embrace is familiar and warm, making the baby’s fear and fear disappear. In the first stage of his life, at the most helpless time, his mother is always by his side. This is the original source of human emotions. He and his mother There is an inseparable connection. When he was one year old and three years old, this feeling of attachment was firmly engraved in his heart, and in the future, no one except his mother could possess.
So when the child needs his mother the most, there is another person next to him. This is so terrible, he can’tToo early to be independent, he had to choose to pretend and please, because he has no sense of security and wants to raise others to treat himself better, so he behaves extraordinarily well. The stranger the person is, the better he is and his bad mood You have to hide, and accumulate to a certain extent, it is bound to explode, so the better-behaved child, the more lonely in his heart, and a corner of his heart is empty.
"American Parenting Encyclopedia" mentioned that the mother is not at home and the child behaves like an angel. Don't think that the child has finally grown up and the child has not grown up. He just doesn't dare to test the bottom line of others. Su Mingyu in "Everything is Good" grew up harshly by her mother and never felt her mother's love, so she felt insecure in her heart. She believed that as long as there is money, there is a lot of money to feel safe, but in the end, When I got home, it was still empty. Netizens said that Su Mingyu would never be hysterical. She always dealt with all situations calmly and calmly, because she did not have the qualifications to vent her emotions. She was deprived of her qualifications as a child. She can only get attention if she becomes strong, but the more sad reason is that she wants to prove to her mother that girls can be better than boys, but what happens in the end? She lost the capital of acting like a baby in her mother's arms forever, and could never go back.
Therefore, even if someone in the family brings a baby, the mother can bring it as much as possible. If there is really a lasting problem, at least, before the child is one year old, insist on bringing the baby to sleep and staying company instead of lying down and wanting to play If you know your cell phone, and if you kiss your child for less than ten minutes, you will give the child to the elderly. If you stole the laziness, you will redouble your efforts in the future. This is not to scare you.
