"We have been together for ten years, and we have spent all the hardships and hardships together. Why did he choose to betray his marriage?"
This sentence was said to me by student Lili crying. She said this was the biggest setback she encountered. She couldn't figure out how the man who once loved her so much would choose to hurt her?
She came to me for consultation with a very depressed mood and told me the love story between her and a man.
At first, Lili found a bottle of perfume in the man's car. At first, Lili thought that this might be something the man was going to give to her secretly, and she was secretly happy. As a result, a week passed, and Lili still didn't receive the bottle of perfume.
Lili couldn't suppress the suspicion in her heart and asked, "When are you going to give it to me when I saw the bottle of perfume I saw in your car last week?"
The man didn't expect Lili to see the bottle of perfume. She was at a loss for a moment and made up an excuse and said, "Oh, that perfume is given to our department leader. She had her birthday a few days ago. Isn't this just to establish a good relationship with the leader?"
The man's excuse made Lili aggravate her inner suspicion. In the evening, Lili secretly checked the man's mobile phone while the man was not paying attention. Lili not only saw the man's chat record with the woman using a small trumpet, but also found the gift the man bought for the woman in the shopping record, including the bottle of perfume.
Lili was heartbroken in an instant and asked the man with her mobile phone. At first, the man was still quibbling. After a quarrel, the man admitted the fact of betrayal and confessed that he had already had a relationship.
Lili was very helpless about the fact that a man betrayed. She hoped that I could tell her what to do? So I gave two tricks.
. Reasonable release of emotions
Old fans who often read my articles know that in the face of men's betrayal, I would recommend that everyone stabilize their emotions first and not communicate with emotions. Therefore, the first step in dealing with men's betrayal is to stabilize their emotions and release their emotions .
Before, a student came to me and said, "I was so angry that I knew he was betrayed and scolded him.
"I thought that as long as he cursed him awake, he would willingly return to his family. "
I poured cold water on her and said: "Men actually hope that you will quarrel with him, because in fact, men know that betrayal is wrong. At this time, you scold him will only relieve his inner guilt and give up moral pressure. "
So here I want to tell you that solving problems is just our second step. The first thing we need to do is "relieve emotions" .
I asked the student: When you know that a man is betrayed, he will lose his emotions, become impulsive, and lose his mind. In such a situation, how will you deal with the problem?
student told me two solutions she handled:
1: Run to confront the man, constantly accuse him, and under the control of emotions, he blurted out any ugly words.
I told her: "Doing this will not only not solve the problem, but will make the conflict more motivated and make your emotions more collapsed. ”
2: Escape from the problem and don’t solve it, just pretend that nothing happened.
I told her: “The result is that you are alone in marriage and suffer from pain. In the end, the betrayal problem was not resolved. "
So, We cannot ignore the lethality of emotions to ourselves. The premise of solving betrayal is to "focus on your own feelings and release emotions reasonably. ”
. Make the reward and punishment clear
often leave me messages saying, "I forgive men, why does he continue to betray me?" "The root cause is that men don't think betrayal is a problem at all.
The man said he would break off his relationship with the outside world and return to his family, and you immediately believe it. If a man betrays you, you don't want any compensation. You will not blame him for the harm he brings to you and your family.
made a mistake, but there was no punishment at all, and there was no need to pay any price, and the man would definitely continue to make mistakes.
So When a man makes a mistake, don’t forgive him easily. Even if you have forgiven him in your heart, make him pay a little price and make him compensate you for your injuries.
can be a salary card, itinerary report, one year's housework, watch it casually on your mobile phone, etc. Only when a man realizes that making mistakes will definitely pay the price, will he pay attention to .
Psychologically speaking, betrayal is because the demand is not met . For example, if you are a workaholic, a man will find someone who depends on him from the fact that you don’t get attention or feel dependent on him.
When we understand men’s needs, we can handle it in a targeted manner and meet men’s needs appropriately.
For example, if the light bulb at home is broken, you can say softly: "Husband, I don't know this, please help me, only you can fix it." Let men feel the importance of being needed by you and in the family.
When a man’s needs are met and he begins to be attached to you and cannot live without you, then how could he choose to betray his marriage? ?
Many times we are trapped in marriage problems and cannot view the problem objectively, let alone know how to solve the problem correctly.
So when we understand the needs of men and give targeted solutions, we can solve the problems in marriage.
