01
received a letter from a reader. The content of the letter is as follows:
Fat Fish, I have been following you for a long time. This is the first time I have written to you.
My name is Xiaolan, I am 32 years old this year.
Recently, my biological mother wanted to cut off the relationship between mother and daughter with me because of my uncle.
My mother has 4 siblings, and she is the eldest. The youngest uncle is 16 years younger than my mother. Grandpa died when his uncle was 3 years old, and grandma died when his uncle was 9 years old.
When my grandmother passed away, my mother was already married. Before her death, my grandmother asked her to take good care of her uncle.
At that time, I was still in my mother's stomach, but she chose to take my uncle to my house.
Because my grandparents are gone, my uncle is the youngest, so my mother treats him better than me. Since I was a child, most of the delicious food in my house were given to my uncle. During the holidays, my mother always buys new clothes for my uncle.
If I was unhappy, my mother would start to wipe her tears and say: Your grandparents passed away early, and your uncle had no mother at such a young age. It is worth taking care of him more.
Every time my mother and my dad quarrel, it is because of my uncle.
For this, my grandparents don’t like my mother either. Grandpa and grandma also knew that my mother was biased, so every weekend, they would take me to their house, prepare delicious food for me, and buy me all kinds of fresh gadgets. But I didn't dare to take back what they bought, otherwise I would be destroyed by my uncle.
Finally, my uncle went to junior high school. With my father's insistence, my mother had to let him live on campus. At that time, my second aunt got married. On weekends, my uncle was either at my house or at my second aunt's house. But my second aunt's mother-in-law is the same as my grandmother and doesn't like my uncle.
02
My uncle has not had a good academic performance since he was a child. After graduating from junior high school, he failed to get into high school. My mother and my second aunt gathered money to let him go to technical school.
It was just a month since I went there, and my uncle fought with someone at school and was later fired.
My mother and my second aunt were both worried about my uncle, but he didn't care and went to Guangdong to work casually.
is just a life on the assembly line, and my uncle can't stand it at all. He always fishes for three days and two days to dry the Internet.
At that time, my third aunt also participated in the work. When my uncle had no money, he anchored his three sisters, and one of them gave him a little, which would be enough for him to stop working for a while.
Later, my uncle felt it was boring, so he simply returned to the town and lived in his grandparents' old house. When he had no money, he went to find a few sisters to hum.
My second and third aunts slowly saw through him. In addition, the conditions of their two families were average, and the second and third aunts kept subsidizing my uncle, and the two uncles were very dissatisfied. So, later they subsidized my uncle less and less.
Only my mother, she always says: I am the eldest sister, I don’t care about your uncle, who cares about him? What's more, your grandmother specifically told me to take good care of him before she died.
My dad was disheartened and applied to the company to stay in Guangzhou. Every month, he gives my mother a fixed living expenses.
Maybe it was because of the unfortunate marriage. After my father went to Guangzhou, his career developed well. He was promoted several times and finally became the deputy general manager of the unit and received an annual salary.
My dad’s income is high, so naturally he gives my mom more money. But all the money was eventually coaxed away by my uncle.
03
When my uncle was 24 years old, he brought a girl with a big belly back and asked me to call me aunt.
My mother was very happy and took the initiative to discuss with my second and third aunts when to hold a wedding for my uncle.
It’s just that my aunt said that she would not marry without a house, and she also had to live in a house in the city.
At that time, a house in the city had a down payment of more than 100,000 yuan. My uncle has nothing to do with money.
In the end, my mother paid 100,000 yuan, and the remaining two aunts paid half of the money. My mom told me not to tell my dad that she had paid so much, and she was afraid that my dad would feel uncomfortable.
At that time, I was already old and understood everything. I felt uneasy for my dad. He worked so hard to make money outside, but unfortunately my mother subsidized my uncle.
I also secretly swear in my heart that I will not be a person like my mother in the future and be kidnapped for the rest of my life.
Before buying a house, the second and third aunts asked my uncle to write an IOU, saying that if he didn't make a good fortune in the future, they would take back the money.
Maybe it was because my aunt was good at discipline. My uncle was worried for several years, and my mother and my two aunts felt very pleased.
I just didn’t expect that my uncle would get hooked on gambling/blog while working. My aunt had quarreled with him and had a quarrel, but it was useless.
The gap in debt is too big. My uncle wants to sell the house to pay off the debt. My aunt is probably disappointed with him and divorced him without hesitation. The house was eventually sold and my aunt took the child away half of it.
The rest was taken by my uncle to pay back the debt. My mother secretly subsidized part of him, but she didn't dare to let my dad know.
04
I thought my uncle would calm down, but I didn't expect that he would still be the same.
The second and third aunts no longer want to see him, only my mother is still subsidizing him, and in order to repay the debt to him, my mother secretly used the 400,000 yuan deposit at home.
When my dad found out, he was so angry that he wanted to divorce my mom. Grandpa and grandma were also extremely disappointed with my mom.
At that time, I was about to graduate from college, so I went to comfort my dad. My dad hugged me and said, "Daughter, Dad is so tired, I want to divorce your mom." Otherwise, your mother would give you the little money that dad saved for you.
I told my dad that I respect his choice. Because I could tell he was in pain.
There are two houses in the family. When the divorce was made, the old house was given to my mother. My father gave my parents one-third of the shared deposit, saying that the rest was given to me, and he also made notarized.
My mom was still making a fuss at first, and my dad said to her disappointedly, can you think of your daughter? In the end, my mother had to give up.
After I graduated from graduate school, I went to work in Guangzhou. My father used the money he had in hand to help me pay the down payment and bought a small two-bedroom apartment. When my husband and I got married, my in-laws prepared a wedding room for him.
Before grandparents died, they left their old house to me. Their old house is very big and my dad bought it for them in the early years. I use the house for rent, and there is still some rent for a month.
05
And my mother is still trying hard to subsidize my uncle. The little money she had for divorce had long been all over my uncle. Originally, the money was saved, and my mother could keep it for me to support myself.
Later, I had no money to spend it, so my mother asked me to pay her living expenses. Although I hate my uncle so much, my mother is my real mother, and I give her 2,000 living expenses a month. My second aunt said that my mother also secretly went to the supermarket to find a part-time job.
I just can’t figure it out. Why don’t my mother break off relations with someone like my uncle?
In the end, she lost her marriage. Is she worth it?
However, I don’t want to ask her either. Judging from my mother’s approach, she thinks it’s worth it.
At the beginning of this year, my mother called me. She took a long time to ask me: I don’t have much money to rent my grandparents’ old house for a month. Can I lend it to my uncle for a while? He now has another girlfriend, who is going to get married. It’s not a big deal for two people to have no house...
I simply refused decisively.
My second and third aunts were also standing by my side, saying that you must not live for my uncle and don’t listen to my mother, my mother just is not awake.
My mother was angry with me for this. She didn't say a word to me for more than 3 months. I called, but she didn't answer. My dad said that I would save my worries, but my mom couldn't wake up.
In the past few years of divorce, my dad's condition has been getting better and better, and he has not looked for it again. I also asked him that with his conditions, he could find a better one, why not? My dad said that my mom was hurt and he was scared, and it was good to be alone. I'm doing well now, and he's relieved.
On the other hand, my mother always calls me or sends messages for money. If she doesn't give it to her, she will say all kinds of unpleasant words.
In the past few years, in addition to giving my mother a monthly living expenses, she has nearly 150,000 yuan to leave me. I know that she must have used it to fill in the missing for my uncle.
06
In fact, my mother helped my uncle borrow a house to live in, and she still tried to fight for it several times later.
I also directly made it clear to her, don’t think I don’t know. She has subsidized all the extra money she asked me for in recent years.
I said, I have an obligation to be filial to her, but I have no obligation to my uncle. I have done enough. Did she hope that my husband and mother-in-law will also dislike me and eventually make me divorce too?
Later, my mother stopped mentioning it.
Unexpectedly, my uncle passed away in an accident in another place last month.
My mother collapsed now. She called me and said it was all my fault, she hated me! If I had my uncle live in my house, this wouldn't have happened. Now that my uncle is gone, I feel relieved. She doesn't have a daughter like me, so she wants to cut off relations with me...
This, is it my real mother?
Seeing that I was very sad, my husband hurried over to comfort me. When my dad found out, he advised me that my mom just wanted to find a "scapegoat" so that she would feel more comfortable.
But why, let me take on all this?
I am really in pain to have such a mother.
Have you ever seen such a mother? If you had a mother like this, what would you do?
07
Thank you for your trust.
There is a kind of person who is dedicating, and they determine their value by constantly dedicating.
Xiaolan's mother belongs to this.
She worked hard for her younger brother, and she was already crazy without considering her husband and daughter.
But in her eyes, her younger brother is a weak person, and she has to take care of him all the time, so that she can feel at ease.
So even if she divorced for her younger brother, she felt it was worth it. Because in her eyes, it is wrong for her husband to not support her as a brother-supporting demon. Sisters like
actually lack a sense of boundaries.
After getting married, as an older sister, you should first take good care of your own family, rather than always being unprincipled to help your younger brother.
and Xiaolan's mother said she hated her, but in fact she hated herself even more. Just as Xiaolan's father said, Xiaolan is just her scapegoat.
The younger brother had an accident, and Xiaolan's mother felt guilty. She hated that she had not helped her brother more, but she could not accept the fact that she hated herself, so she had to transfer her hatred to Xiaolan, so she would feel better. People like
are really sad and pitiful and hateful.
As a wife, Xiaolan's mother divorced her husband for the sake of her younger brother; as a mother, she was accused of being a part of her daughter. No matter how she looked at it, she was stupid, but she just got stuck in that pit and couldn't get out. I kept using what her mother told her at the time of death to trap myself. He even tied up his husband and daughter.
Therefore, we must have our own principles and keep our boundaries. Even if we are brothers and sisters, we can help when we can and in principle. Unprinciples will only encourage the other party's greed, but will instead harm the other party.
is like Xiaolan's mother. In the end, Xiaolan's uncle is like this. Isn't she the credit for her?
What do you think? Have you ever encountered a brother-supporting demon like Xiaolan’s mother?
