text|Northern Soviet
01
Nietzsche said in "The Beyond of Good and Evil": "If your emotions are always out of control, you will be led by your nose and lose your freedom."
In real life, we are I am often led by my own emotions, and I will always be able to feel the events that make me angry and anxious, and I cannot see that I am not mature enough to deal with these events rationally.
In the face of emotional changes, those who are unable to accept the reality that their partner betrays themselves; those who are depressed all day long because their partner has betrayed themselves, and have no intention of working and living. In fact, they are constrained by their own emotions, and they can’t figure it out. Why do they experience betrayal is that they don't understand enough what to do in the face of the reality that has already happened to make them truly free.
They are just affected by emotions, and then they are caught in rounds of pain and confusion. Why does
have these emotions? Because for the betrayed, emotional betrayal is like an earthquake to them. They are afraid that their lives will be affected and that there is no guarantee in their future lives. They are also afraid that such betrayal will happen again.
Therefore, every person who chooses to forgive hopes that through his own forgiveness, the relationship can be restored to the stable and happy state she thinks.
02
I actually mentioned in my previous article that forgiveness is not the end of betrayal. It can only be the beginning, but also the beginning of the need to re-operate the relationship and re-position of life.
However, due to the influence of emotions, it is difficult to establish a more rational and planned sense of feelings after forgiveness. A visitor of
forgave her for betraying her partner for half a year. At the moment of marriage problems, she had many moments of suffering. In the end, she chose to forgive because she wanted to give their feelings and family a chance. .
But the days after forgiving her partner are not easy. She and her partner always feel something. Although they don’t quarrel, they are still far away. The atmosphere at home can’t be said to be wrong. It’s just relaxing and pleasant with the previous family. The state is different.
has fallen into another pain for this. On the one hand, she forgave her partner’s betrayal with her grievance, on the other hand, she brought the expectation that he should treat life well. She who could not be satisfied by reality became very anxious and easily emotional. Also haggard a lot.
If life after forgiveness is not as happy as you imagined, the first thing you must do is not to accuse him of betraying his family, and don’t blame him for not caring enough about you and home after returning; but thinking about it. What is the current relationship problem?
03
only pays attention to one's own emotions, and has not thought about how to solve it through one's own power. After forgiving the betrayal, it is easy to build more marriage harmony and family warm expectations on the other party.
is based on the love, happiness, and desires you want based on the fact that the other party should love yourself well, return to the family well, and care about your expectations in your heart.
If you forgave the betrayal, you must change an attitude: Will your life be happy after forgiveness, and whether the other person regards you very seriously and cares about you is not completely related, don’t overestimate what you are in his heart The weight is unnecessary.
First: You have to understand that his repentance may not be your happiness. Even if he loves you very much after repenting, it may not make you happy.
A person who has betrayed his family chooses to repent. For those who have experienced the betrayal, the pain in their hearts will be much less, but the betrayed will also feel another kind of anxiety at the same time. This anxiety stems from the loss of trust. Feelings are complete on the surface, but separated on the inside.
This anxiety will make you pay more attention to the other person’s attitude, and hope to find a sense of security from the other person’s attitude. You will wonder over and over again whether he is sincerely returning, and you will doubt him again and again. Do you still care about you? In his heart, you are more important than the person outside of marriage.
His attitude will really bring you a sense of security, will it really make you believe that you will be happy with him?
If you use a metaphor to describe it, you who rely on your partner's attitude to get a sense of security are a circuit lacking power. You need to rely on the other party to generate electricity from time to time for you to light up the lights in your circuit.
Such a state will only make you feel more insecure. The more you care about your weight in the opponent's heart, the more likely you are to be injured. Maybe a small reaction from the other party will become the cause of the darkness in your world.
When a person’s existence and his care for you can completely control your life, you also lose your true sense of security. He just holds you in his palms at all times, and you will be afraid and afraid. There will be many worries, worries and suspicions.
If he can repent may not be able to restore your feelings, and his repentance may not make you feel happy. You must let go of this expectation of the other party, let go of immature expectations, so that you will not continue to be passive and continue to be anxious. .
Second: When he is or not, you will no longer resent and be unwilling, you will truly win the happiness you want.
Forgive someone who betrays you. I know that your purpose is definitely to want happiness, but because you are troubled by pain and other emotions in the process, and you don’t really understand "forgiveness is not equal to happiness". Things.
So when you still feel tired, aggrieved and painful in your life after forgiving and betraying, you must know how to tell yourself that your state is wrong, your direction is wrong, you have to adjust and change, and you have to change Do some thinking about your life.
What is the basis of your happiness in life? Do people who just need your love also love you? Or just need your lover to be loyal to you and responsible to your family?
Your life must have your yearning, your pursuit, your feelings, but also your direction, your attitude, and your ability to support these and mature ideology.
That is to say, if you are not mature enough, after experiencing the betrayal, you must give yourself time to think. You can choose to forgive. The question you are thinking about does not conflict with whether to forgive.
What you have to think about is how you want to live your next life, whether to live as a passive electric light, or to become a generator that can generate electricity by yourself.
When you grow up, mature, and when you face the betrayal of your lover, you will feel that he is there or not, and you can be very happy. If he returns to you, don’t you feel that he doesn’t return to you and will not be unwilling, you should Just met the best state in your life.
04
In the final analysis, we still need to be inner abundance, as Wu Peiying wrote in the book "The Reconstruction of Cognition": "We have staged a period of insecurity and fear in love. Because we don’t trust ourselves, because Our inner insecurity always needs the confirmation and guarantee of the other person's "love me"."
When we are warmed and supported by the security of ourselves, the love or unloving of external people will only affect your feelings. State will not affect the quality of your life, nor will it shake the direction of your life.
