There is a question that has troubled me for a long time. Let me share, if I can’t accept my boyfriend and ex have had a relationship, is it because I don’t love him or I can’t accept it, or do I love him too much and want to have everything?
This is the thing. At that time, my boyfriend was rejected when he was chasing the girl he liked. He was discouraged and wanted to find someone to be with him at will.
Just like that, he was with that girl, his ex. The third time he met the girl, he confirmed that he had a room. The main reason was that the other party was very proactive. From confirming the relationship to breaking up, he checked in more than ten times together. When they got along, their boyfriend regretted it, so the two broke up. It was his first time, but the other party found several boyfriends, not the first time. The boyfriend said that he had no feelings for the girl, but that girl was his first woman. Will a man forget his first woman?
Will often think of them together? I mind this very much. Even if I have no feelings for this woman, it is his first time. I was my first love, but he gave his first time to a woman he didn't love. I always felt uncomfortable, and my heart was thorny and I couldn't let go. Now when he touches me, I think of the scenes of them being together, and even feel disgusting.
Although he loves me very much and treats me sincerely, I can never accept his past. I don’t know what to do? Will a man really be so casual when his mentality is broken?
In this era of free and open love, it is very difficult to meet the right person from the beginning of love, and to get married with the other party and grow old together.
Most people will have several emotional experiences and then meet the person who has been with them for the rest of their lives.
saw a question on Zhihu: Do girls have a "virgin complex"?
One of the answerers said: Of course there is, more and more women are talking about the male protagonist in the novel, otherwise they will be abandoned by readers!
Another answerer said: See Professor Du's setting in "You from the Stars". As the absolute male god in the hearts of countless women, he has several major conditions: handsome, tall, knowledgeable, rich, and only good to the heroine!
There is another answerer who said: If you have a choice, of course you will be given priority to choose a virgin. I was his first time, and he was my first time. From falling in love to getting married and having children, there is only each other in your relationship. How romantic is it?...
For girls, most of the "virgin plots" are hoping that they are the object of their boyfriends' first time with the opposite sex. This is a kind of possessiveness and sometimes a manifestation of love.
And your situation is obviously because of the possessiveness caused by love.
You also said that your boyfriend loves you very much, which means that you have no doubt about his sincerity.
And your boyfriend is very honest, at least he did not deceive you. From your description, he explained the details clearly, which at least shows that he was sincere in this matter.
This also shows his attitude towards solving the problem. He doesn't want to hide it from you, so he explains everything clearly and does not want this to become a hidden danger to your future relationship. From this point of view, he really wants to continue with you.
What you said you mind was that he gave the first time a girl he didn't love, and seemed to think he was too casual about sex.
But IMHO, if his first time gave a girl he loved, you would probably mind more, because that means that the girl who took his body for the first time also took away his love.
Indeed, your boyfriend started a relationship casually because he was discouraged and had a relationship. In the eyes of girls, this is a very irresponsible behavior, and we cannot agree with this.
But who hasn't been in the past?
For this matter, you only have two choices: Release or break up.
is actually the first time this incident? Regardless of men and women, there will be some concern, or it is a kind of regret. Regret has not become the only person in each other's lives.
But there is no need to mind too much. We cannot change the past, but who can say that this is not the best arrangement?
Don’t think that it would be great if I met earlier. You were not you now. Who knows if you would become each other’s regrets?
You can think about it carefully. Is it more uncomfortable to accept his past, or is it more uncomfortable to break up?
If you think that what you are saddering about losing him than the first time you lost him, then let it go.
You cannot change the result of this matter, so you can only change your attitude. Don’t worry about this matter, let alone let this matter become a hidden danger to your relationship.
You just need to know that it doesn’t matter whether you are a virgin. Whether you love you or not is the most important thing.
In fact, in my opinion, you may still have an unfair mood in it.
Because he is your first love, but before you, there was a girl in his life, so you feel unbalanced.
So when you get along with him, you always think of his past and always want to compare with that girl.
When he hugged you, you would wonder if he had hugged that girl like this;
When he kissed you, you would wonder if he had kissed that girl like this;
When he was with you, you would wonder if he had been so confused in front of that girl...
But what can you do? You can't give it to your boyfriend first, and then break up and be with him, right?
You can think of this way, you have not participated in his past and cannot change it, so let him repay it for the rest of his life.
Whether it is a virgin plot or a virgin plot, no matter whether its real source is psychological or other factors, there is nothing wrong with people with such complexes. After all, everyone has the right to choose their own partner.
But if people want to live a happy life, they may not be too entangled. Only by weighing and letting go of themselves can certain things be truly over.
Finally, I hope you can think about this matter as soon as possible, and live a happy and happy life!
