Zhang Ailing once wrote in the book: Love makes people forget time, and time also makes people forget love.
It is true that time will witness a lot of things, but it will also swallow a lot of things, and love is no exception. When the vows become life, when the surging of hormones becomes invisible, when the freshness gradually fades, the light continues to ferment, and a relationship seems to be about to expire.
When you just enter a relationship, you often feel sweet and passionate, but after a period of time, you may find that the atmosphere between yourself and your partner has changed. For example:
In the past, you would listen to each other and give a response. Now, you will find that the other person is often distracted when chatting with you, and it seems that he is not listening to you;
In the past, you felt that you could hardly see your partner's shortcomings, or it was easy to forgive the other person's mistakes. But now, you will often feel unhappy and bored because of some of your partner's behaviors;
In the past, you felt that the other party often surprises you or touches you. But now, you will find that he is dull and boring, and sometimes even has a little indifference to you.
A large number of psychological research shows that when any external stimulus is repeatedly presented in the same way, the reaction begins to weaken, making people feel unsensual and adapted. Psychology calls it "sensory adaptation", and means that emotions enter a burnout period.
"Emotional Burnout Period" As a negative psychology that naturally arises in the development of a romantic relationship, it is a big test for both lovers. It specifically refers to: When the couple spends a certain period of time together, as they understand each other in depth and have a habit of various lifestyles in love, the freshness disappears.
Some people say that expired love is like expired food, which makes you feel nauseous and hurt your body. So, if you don’t want love to taste nausea, how can you successfully get through the burnout period and extend the shelf life of love?
01 moderately share, keep intimate
sex, the two have experienced passionate love period , defeated the running-in period and moved to a stable period, eat at the same table every day, sleep on the same bed, if you want to get married, you need to live together for more than 30,000 days, and the feeling of fatigue and slackness in love and marriage is a matter of time.
When a person becomes burned out of relationship, he will feel that his intimacy with his partner and satisfaction with the relationship decrease, and he will increasingly discover problems in the relationship.
How does relationship burnout occur when both sexes get along? Among the factors that affect interpersonal attraction, familiarity and proximity are an important reason, but familiarity also requires a "degree".
There is a saying in psychology: " inverted U-shaped hypothesis ". It refers to the relationship between motivation intensity and activity efficiency. If the motivation intensity is too low, the efficiency will naturally be low. However, when the motivation intensity is too high, the result will be the opposite.
The same is true for sex. If you invest too little in your relationship and have too unfamiliar with each other, it will make the other party feel that you cannot get close to you. But if you put too much force in your relationship and have too much control over your partner, it will make the other party feel that you are too stressed and want to escape. Maintaining moderate interactions, the psychologically inseparable relationship is the highest point of the inverted "U" curve and the best state of emotion.
We always think that if we want to maintain a long-term intimacy, we should talk about everything, but in fact, a good relationship is to care and be carefree, and to be independent.
The best way to love a person is to respect each other, to be different and dense, not far or near, to never leave each other, to keep each other comfortable.
02 Continuous input and stable output
Love is a process of mutual attraction. Therefore, before the two have formed a relationship, we will work hard to make ourselves better, hoping to gain more love from our future partners; and when we enter the relationship, we think we have firmly obtained the love of each other, so we do not think that we need to become a better person and give up self-improvement.
But whether it is love or marriage, it is a science. We need to continuously input new knowledge in order to gain the ability to continue to grow.
In love, we all want to see the growth of our partner, but when one side is running and the other side stops moving forward, the distance between the two people will inevitably widen. When the value of both sides is seriously incorrect, your attraction will naturally begin to decline.
Only men and women are providing the third-party value that each other needs. These values must be able to trigger sufficient emotional value. The relationship between men and women can be bound by mutual attraction. The relationship that takes root and sprout will be unbreakable and the relationship is the most stable.
A solid long-term relationship must be based on the extremely real two people facing each other directly, without any artificiality, and the long-term automatic attraction achieved is locked in each other, rather than forcibly bound by commitment and morality. Only when both men and women can continuously input new energy into their relationship and let the other party see the points you can attract them, can they steadily output the emotional value to the other party and keep the relationship fresh for a long time.
Therefore, in love, being disappointed with your partner is not necessarily a bad thing, it is precisely a "threshold" that leads you into a closer and deeper relationship.
03 Benevolent communication, resolve conflicts
All fairy tales have one thing in common, that is, after the male and female protagonists fall in love, they live a happy life from then on. We often use this as a happiness template to choose partners, hoping that we can meet the right person, and then respect each other as guests throughout our lives, and be happy and fulfilled. However, life is not a fairy tale, and it will have many new plots added, which means new conflicts will arise.
The biggest difference between feelings and fairy tales is that fairy tales directly give the ending, while the ending of love and marriage is written by ourselves. How to resolve these conflicts determines what kind of ending you will get.
The book "How to Quarrel Correctly" says:
"Live a happy life from now on" implies a layer of meaning, that is, live in a way that is not tested, does not pass through the brain, and always maintains its original state. And we believe that what is important is not to live a "happy life" from now on, but to live a "life with deeper and deeper feelings".
For lovers, small quarrels are enjoyable, big quarrels hurt feelings, and finding unique strategies for resolving conflicts between lovers is an important way for lovers to get along for a long time and enhance their feelings.
Love is an important basis for resolving conflicts, but you cannot "kidnap" and try to "control" the other party in the name of love, forcing the other party to give up their own position and opinions to cater to yourself. Instead, we should regard the other party as an independent individual, establish a sense of community of "win-win cooperation", consolidate the emotional foundation of cooperation, and learn to use cooperative thinking to resolve conflicts.
During the communication process, you need to consciously use positive communication methods and avoid negative communication methods such as complaining, accusing, and passive attacks. For example, when expressing emotions, use the "I" sentence pattern more often and avoid the "you" sentence pattern.
For example: When you are in a bad mood, you can say: "I am very upset now" , instead of saying "You are upsetting me" . The expression at the beginning of the word "I" is more likely to arouse the other party's sympathy and recognition. The sentence pattern of "you" will become an obstacle to love relationships, and there is almost nothing else except making the other party feel blamed, criticized and accused, so it will instinctively give a "fight back".
The true romance is not how many flowers you have, how many boxes of chocolates, or how many times candlelight dinners you have, but how many deep needs you can face each other's hearts, try to communicate with each other for common happiness, and get out of the misunderstanding of love.
04 The saury will expire, but love may not be
Wang Kar-wai 's movie "Chongqing Forest " has a line: I don't know when it starts, and there is a date on what. Sauce will expire, canned meat will expire, and even fresh-preserving paper will expire. I began to doubt that in this world, there is something that will not expire?
Once the shelf life passes, the fresh taste and the joy brought by freshness will disappear, leaving behind an empty shell that is tasteless and discarded. The secret to keeping relationships fresh is to work hard with each other and spend the moments of feeling tired in relationships together.
In love, the burnout period is difficult to overcome, but after the burnout period, it will be a "new beginning" of love. A romantic relationship that has passed through the burnout period is like a tree baptized by a storm, and will no longer fall down due to ordinary setbacks.
saury will expire, but love may not. hope that after a relationship is about to expire, we will not be easily abandoned, but work hard to create a vibrant and healthy relationship.
Topic discussion today: Do you think your relationship cannot get through the burnout period? Is it inappropriate or not working hard enough?
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