Author丨Tongyan
At a certain age, you will find that has many relationships, how to choose is more important than how to manage it, love and friendship are like this, and even family affection is no exception.
For each of us, we cannot decide what kind of family affection we have at first, because from the moment you were born, your family affection relationship was established, and this is not something you can choose.
But you can make choices later.
Although we are separated from family affection, I think it can be said to be the most difficult thing in the world. After all, no matter whether the relationship is good or bad, family affection has accompanied us all the way since childhood and has formed a personal habit. But no matter which relationship, if it makes you feel very painful, then you must be able to completely break the relationship, at least to a certain extent, stay away from it.
people, the most important point is: You must be nice to yourself and don’t make things difficult for yourself.
to torture your relatives often have 3 characteristics, and staying away will win.
01. You look down on me when you are in a downturn;
No one can be smooth sailing in this life, and adversity and good times are inevitable. And in different situations, you may see the most real human feelings.
self-salvation is an eternal practice.
As I grow older, I understand this sentence more and more. The joys, anger, sorrows and happiness in this world may not be consistent, and the quality of human nature cannot be absolutely summarized by using a certain relationship alone. For example, I always hear some friends who talk about the care and love that their parents and relatives have for themselves, and their eyes are filled with tears. I have a college roommate who is the kind of child who grew up in a honeypot. Her parents gave her the best love and paved the way for her.
She has been graduating from college for several years now and is completely stress-free because her parents have prepared everything for her. She often acts coquettishly and asks her parents for money because she doesn’t have enough living expenses.
So, she has a high opinion of family affection and says that her parents are truly selfless and dedicated people.
But can I use her definition to view all family affection? Surely not. The world is diverse, including family affection.
The family affection of some people is a haven for wind, while the family affection of some people may be the biggest pain in life. When you are down and out, you will be the one who will put down the wrong person.
Although I don’t want to see such family affection, it really exists.
I used to know a girl. She said that her parents looked down on her and her husband very much because they were down and lost money in business. That time she and her husband went back to their parents' home together during the New Year. Her parents asked them to sleep on the sofa, and said that they couldn't sleep at home, but they didn't have this before.
It was this incident that hurt her heart.
So, although her conditions improved, she went home more often than before. She couldn't let her leave completely, but she didn't get close from the bottom of her heart, so she could only maintain the family affection she originally valued with a little disappointment and indifference in trying to balance everything.
02. When you have money, you feel jealous;
In this world, people who can truly be happy because of your progress are the people who deserve your good treatment.
Some people, no matter how good your relationship is, if your progress falls into the eyes of the other party and makes them jealous, then you should be careful, even if you are relatives, it is no exception.
In fact, even between brothers and sisters, when they grow up, they may bring many imbalances due to the economic gap. Seeing your progress, your heart will feel sad and even want to trip you up.
If you see through human nature, you will be able to understand this phenomenon. After all, everyone is originally people on the same level. If you live a good life alone and leave others behind, your progress will be too dazzling at this time?
An aunt I know. After she was in her 50s, she gradually contacted her sister less and less, so she saw through this matter.Her sister's comprehensive conditions were originally better than hers. She said she had never had bad feelings in her heart before, but she felt that this was also earned by others' hard work. And her sister was better than her and she could get along with her normally before. Until later, she began to adopt a pension salary because she worked outside for many years and had been buying social security. Naturally, she became rich when she was old, but her sister did her own business and did not buy these.
is this gap. It wasn't a lot of money at first, but her sister kept saying that she had clearly seen that her sister was a little dissatisfied.
She was surprised: Can you be better than me everywhere and I am better than you?
is extremely disappointed.
From then on, no matter what the surface, she never felt close to her heart - she already understood that this affection may not be reliable in their lives.
03. Say bad things about you in front of outsiders;
You can really stay away from relatives who say bad things about you in front of outsiders.
I think some people don’t believe it, how is this possible?
But it is possible.
For example, sometimes you encounter something, which may be a big blow to you, but there will be no empathy between people. Your sadness falls into the eyes of the other person, and it is largely accustomed to it, and it is even just a topic of conversation to chat with others.
I used to hear an aunt complaining about her sister in front of outsiders that her sister was divorced. It was not her sister's fault that she heard from her, but she still said that her sister was not good in front of outsiders and said that she did well in what aspects she did, so she did not divorce. I even read some gloating meaning from her tone.
Therefore, not all family affection is worthy of your good maintenance.
From beginning to end, you should have a mentality, that is, only maintain those relationships that are truly worthy and treat those who treat you sincerely. In this way, life will be more meaningful.
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