The reader wrote to me and said:
My ex-wife and I met and got married through a friend's introduction. During my relationship with my ex-wife, I vaguely felt that we were people from two worlds: 1) The ex-wife grew up in a single-parent family; 2) The ex-wife attaches great importance to money; 3) The ex-wife likes to play mahjong after work; 4) My parents have a harmonious relationship; 5) My family is still in a superior state; 6) I like to exercise after work.
In the end, the reason I chose to join hands with my ex-wife into the siege was because my ex-wife was beautiful enough, so I kept hinting myself: In this life, we should not let ourselves be too arrogant, and we should learn to appreciate both the elite and the masses. But after actually living with my ex-wife, I found that we have so many differences in our living habits that many of the daily behaviors of my ex-wife always cause me discomfort. I have criticized my ex-wife for some trivial matters in life, but my ex-wife still maintains her own way of doing what she wants.
When our marriage life was not maintained until two years ago, I filed for divorce from my ex-wife. We were not tied to children when we divorced.
I really divorced my ex-wife. I found that I would think of her good things occasionally, but I didn’t disturb her in any form. I felt that even if the old love rekindled, we would still be awkward in the process of getting along. My divorce experience made me pay more attention to not being too much when I met love, so that I have been divorced from my ex-wife for 3 years and I am still single.
Let’s talk about her ex-wife’s life: she is also single now, but she has learned to smoke and drink. The key is that she has no shortage of boyfriends around her. Or her boyfriends were obsessed with her appearance, and she was interested in the money others spent on her. But seeing the current life of my ex-wife, I still feel a little guilty.
In fact, according to the personal conditions of the ex-wife, finding a man with a reasonable family background to reorganize his marriage is also a good choice, but she chose to play life. As of now, my relationship with my ex-wife is actually quite complicated: I think she is not bad in nature, but we are really unhappy in living together; I am unwilling to disturb her in any form, but I feel sorry for her when I see her now.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
In real life, there is indeed such regret. "You are very good, but we two are not suitable." It is because the two people receive different family education during their growth, so that some people do not think it is a shortcoming behavior will become awkward for you. Usually, the formation of a person's personality and living habits is directly related to his growth environment. Once the personality and living habits are formed, even if adjustments can be made in future life, it is just fine adjustments. For this reason, some people play mahjong and get drunk after work are just a waste of time in their cognition, but in some people's cognition, they become a low-level interest. There is a saying: The Tao is different and does not plan for each other. Nothing to do with right or wrong during the period.
Give two simple examples: 1) Some people feel that without chili as a supplement when eating, the rice has no fragrance at all, but some people have a little chili in the meal, which makes it difficult to swallow. I want to ask: Is pepper a wrong existence or an irreplaceable existence? It is just because the two people have different tastes, so they are destined to not be able to eat one pot of rice; 2) Some people need to eat some meat every day, or they need to eat some meat every now and then, but some people have vegetarian . It will definitely be difficult for those vegetarians to eat meat. Some vegetarians can even feel "disgusting" when cooking with fried meat. I want to ask, what they did wrong again is just because the two of them did not reach a consensus on the food and drink level.
Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. In your cognition: your ex-wife has an outstanding appearance, and she is the advantage of showing enthusiasm in front of you more often; after she walks into the siege with you, she wants to live together with you is the advantage of it. But life will eventually be mixed with too many ties related to life habits, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, In this case, you feel the awkwardness of being with your ex-wife, which is probably what everyone calls the disagreement of the three views.In this case, you will feel awkward, and when you try to correct your ex-wife, she will feel awkward. So much so that during the duration of your relationship, you often feel unhappy, and your ex-wife is also a little cautious because she is unwilling to lose you. Perhaps your ex-wife has also made subtle changes to cater to your needs, but her changes will never meet the requirements you hope, so you cannot stick to this relationship.
After you divorced your ex-wife, your view of marriage and love has changed, and you will feel that a good marriage life is too important. It is not ruled out that some girls will take the initiative to show kindness to you over the years, but after you have some understanding of them, you will feel that it is inappropriate to be with them, so that you will feel that if you can't meet that girl with a score of 90 or above, you would rather let yourself continue to be alone. During this period, you will pay attention to your ex-wife's life activities when you are bored. To be precise, at some point you actually want to contact her, or just because of a simple miss, or feel that she shouldn't betray herself, but you just hold it back. But one thing you need to understand: your ex-wife lives like she is not revenge on you, but her current life is in a relatively comfortable state.
also believes that as you grow older, your ex-wife's appearance will lose competitiveness. By that time, fewer and fewer men are willing to spend money on her, and because she has excessive gaming in life, her bad reputation has been gained. In this case, she may pay the price she deserves because of her unruly life when she was young. All of this can be regarded as her retribution and regret. For you, there is no need to feel sorry for your ex-wife, and don’t feel guilty. Perhaps looking at each other and continuing to not disturb her is the attitude you should have. For you, I have a little suggestion: Sometimes don’t look down on yourself too much when you are confused and confident. In the process of managing your relationship, you allow some small flaws to exist.
In the future life, I hope you can examine yourself. You need to admit that you should have some shortcomings in others' perceptions, or this shortcoming is not considered a disadvantage in the eyes of people with similar growth experiences. I wish you to find your favorite partner as soon as possible. In the vast world, perhaps the best thing for you is the best. In fact, when people choose their marriage partner, they will have their own considerations about their partner's figure, family background, appearance, education level, ability to make money, personality, and lifestyle. So when they don't meet that more suitable person, they will feel that the process of encountering love is more difficult. Once that person appears, please learn to cherish it. Of course there is no need to get married for the sake of getting married.
Editor:
A relationship, whether it is appropriate or not, the person who experiences it is the clearest. If two people are together and you have no happiness, even if you make a comeback in this relationship, it will be a tormenting experience to your partner. In this case, perhaps walking apart will be a relief for each other. If a relationship is over and you know that even if both parties are together again, it will be a relatively awkward cycle and no longer have any form of disturbance, it is the best place to put a missed relationship.
The reason why there is a certain period of running-in during the relationship is that I hope that everyone will understand each other’s living habits when they are satisfied with their external conditions. Because it is far from enough to rely solely on external conditions, both parties need to feel comfortable during the process of life. If the two feel a lot of awkwardness during their relationship, please choose to break up rationally instead of trying to think of ways to change each other after marriage.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
