I just got off work today and was stumped by a friend's problem. Because his father cheated, his mother didn't know yet. His father reminded him several times not to let him say it, but he himself didn't know whether he should tell his mother. He was so annoyed that he didn't know what to do these two days. He felt that I was paying too much attention and asked me to give him some advice.
To be honest, I was really confused about this question because I didn’t know whether he should tell his mother about this question, and I didn’t think about this aspect at all.
As he heard what he meant, his father seemed to have cheated more than once. It was discovered by him when he went home to see his parents and children when he was watching his parents and children. It seemed that he said that the other party was also a divorced woman and had a daughter with his ex-husband.
I usually open a small supermarket, but later it seemed that his father often went to buy things. The two people who had been going on for a long time had a good time. It was a long time since his mother still didn't know it at all. If the child hadn't accidentally seen the chat records and photos that his father had not had time to delete when he was playing with his phone, he wouldn't have known it. He asked me what to do now, and he really stopped me. I really didn't know what to do. But my friend was obviously forced to be very bored by this question, and he seemed to have to ask me to give him a suggestion.
I thought for a long time and suggested to my friend: "Don't tell your mother, just find a way to secretly break the relationship between your father and that woman, just pretend that this has never happened." My friend asked me: "If this happens, wouldn't my mother betrayed like a fool and keep it stupidly in the dark without knowing anything? This is not fair to my mother." I told him: "You said this actually is right. It seems that if you don't tell your mother, it is indeed unfair to your mother, but what can you do if you tell her? The strictest What else can you do if you are an outsider, but just your mother's friend? If you tell her this for her good and to prevent her from being deceived, it is understandable, but you are not an outsider, not a friend, you are the son of your parents.
first, parents' feelings are not a problem that you can interfere. What you can do as a child can only be objectively on objective issues, such as the food, clothing, housing and transportation of the two elderly people, objectively good for them. Consider, if you experience the relationship between men and women, you can only decide the good or bad relationship between others. Only the parties involved can decide the relationship. What can you say about the relationship? Unless the truth is in front of you, it is a provocation and disagreement, not a distrust of you, but a betrayal of your relationship. You can only make a decision if you see it with your own eyes. You cannot convict your partner because of a word from others. This is the basis of trust that couples should have. Others cannot empathize with others, so you cannot say it.
Second, as a child, you should It is the one who most wants the family harmony of your parents. If you say it, it means that your parents' family is broken up because of your reasons.
Third, your mother is your closest relative, but your father is also your closest relative. Once you take the initiative to talk about this matter and break up the family, then you have hurt two people at the same time, both of your relatives. It is not good for you to hurt anyone, but if you don’t say anything, don’t talk about your father for now. At least your mother’s life is not affected, and this is the most important thing.
Fourth, as I said before, let them solve the relationship between parents and their own. Just pretend that nothing has happened. Then, as a son, eliminate hidden dangers in private, let your father and that woman be completely cut off, and make your family turn danger back into safety. This is true filial piety. If one day your mother discovers that your father cheats, insists on making a divorce, and asks you about related matters, then as a son, you should not hide it. You should tell the truth. If you hide it, you are deliberately helping your father hurt your mother. If your mother wants to divorce, you should also support it, because if anyone is betrayed by his partner, you will not be willing to live on. You cannot persuade your mother not to compromise for your own ideas. That would be unfair to your mother. Do you understand what I mean? "
My friend was silent after hearing this. After a long time, he asked me again: "So as you say, when your children grow up and get married, if their other half cheats on them, they can't say it after they know it? Or is it a destruction of the family of children? But if you don’t say it, wouldn’t it help others bully your children? ”.
heard this and laughed at me. I told him: "This is not the same thing. The reason why parents handle it so much is that no matter what, they are your closest relatives. You have to take both sides and be impartial, so they do that. But the children are different. After the children get married, because the children drink their partner is a husband-and-wife relationship, their partner and you are relatives, and they are your son-in-law and daughter-in-law. But if they betray your children and betray their husband-and-wife relationship, they are naturally not your daughter-in-law or son-in-law. For the sake of your children no longer getting damaged, of course you have to tell them as soon as possible and stop the loss in time."
Hearing this, my friend seemed to be enlightened and laughed. I laughed, and I said it very tiring.
