I wonder if you have discovered a phenomenon. More and more elderly people don’t want to go to their children to retire. Why? Just as these three old people said, when you can take care of yourself, don’t go to your children to support you, otherwise you will suffer a lot. Do you agree with this statement? If you have a choice, would you do this? Or would you go to your children to retire? Why do these three old people say that? Let’s take a look at what these three old men said.
case story sharing person,
67-year-old aunt Wu:
I hope that through my personal experience, all the elderly can pay attention. Just say that, if you can still take care of yourself. No matter what your child says, you cannot go to his place to support him. Otherwise, in the end you will be as miserable as I am now, and you will regret it too much and want to go back to your hometown.
As early as two years ago, my son asked me to go over to retire. At that time, I was able to take care of myself. I was only 65 years old. And I think many elderly people have encountered these things. Many elderly people are as soft-hearted as me, and then they agree to go to my son to take care of their elderly care. My son told me, you are my mother, and now my father is gone, and if you don’t come to me for retirement, what do you want?
If you are in your hometown, we are not at ease. Last time you were sick, we went back to our hometown for a few days. Do you know how much money was wasted? You should come to our place, and I can be responsible for you in our place. What's the matter? We can deal with it as soon as possible. If we are in our hometown, I'm afraid we won't have time to come back. You know that it will take at least eight or nine hours to go back to our hometown from where we work. This is still the case of no traffic jam. If there is traffic jam, the consequences will be even more serious. Later I went to my son's place. It makes sense for them to say this. If other elderly people were there, I would probably go there too. Then go to my son's place to support me. Anyway, I will go there in the future.
Only after I passed by did I realize that this was a trap. To put it nicely, I came here to support my elderly care. To put it badly, I came here to work as a nanny. I felt that they were very busy at work, had no time to take care of their grandson, had no time to do housework, and had no time to cook or something, so I let me come over.
At that time, I felt that my efforts were natural. After all, I was their mother, and now they need me to take care of me. Can I refuse? So I can't refuse, I think I can't refuse if anyone else is. You guys will also help you, and you always feel that your efforts are different, it doesn’t matter.
Anyway, there is nothing to do at home. If you can help, try to help. But gradually you will find that after you give, they will feel that your efforts are taken for granted. They will think that you should do this, and they must do this. Let's say so.
is equivalent to saying that if you give him 50 cents, he will gradually think more and more, and he thinks that your money is not money, and you should give it to him. This is probably the reason. I am getting harder and tired here, but they have never experienced my hard work. I finally got through the holidays, but after the holidays, they went out to play every day, and when they came back they were just throwing my temper.
The most uncomfortable thing is that they think they should go out to play during the holidays and should not help me. Why do they say they should not help me? That's because they feel that they have worked for so long and are now tired and on holidays. Shouldn't they have a good rest and have fun? Why do so much? If you do so much, will you be more tired? And you will have to go to work again in a few days.
I said that, but have you ever understood your parents? I have had a fuss with them because of such a thing, and it doesn't matter if it's like this once or twice. The problem is that this is often the case. I really can't stand it anymore. Gradually, I no longer want to live with them.But they didn't leave me, and they said they couldn't leave me. My son told me that we are used to having you after you come here, and we can eat hot meals when we get home, let alone if you go out early in your hometown, we can be responsible for you if we are here.
is doing things in your hometown, and no one will be responsible for you. I didn't know what to say at once. Others thought I was very happy, but in fact, I was the only one who knew that I was suffering. I was their nanny here and their slave. I was a cow and a horse for them. Is this the last life of the elderly? I regret it, I shouldn't have come here at this time.
case story sharing person,
64-year-old Mr. Chen:
Before, I thought I should rely on my children when I was old, so I went to their place a year ago, and they picked me up. I am also very filial, and others envied me. That day I picked vegetables from the vegetable field. Then my son came to find me, and my son told me, if the neighbors hadn't told me that you were in the vegetable field at that time, I wouldn't know where you were going, so why were you doing here?
The weather is so hot and so strong, you should go home quickly and pack up your things and go to the old age with us. When my mother was there, I would be relieved that you were there. There were two people with her who accompanied each other and took care of each other. Now my mother is gone. And you have also said that you would help me take care of my children. You said that the children need to be taken care of now? You should agree to come and help with the care of them. We are very busy with work, often on business trips, and have no time to take care of the children. My son said so.
Can I still refuse? Don’t say I can’t refuse it anymore. I think other elderly people can’t refuse this even when they encounter this. Then I went over to help take care of the children. I thought I would be happy to take care of the elderly here in the future, and then I helped take care of the children by the way. I could accompany them, and they could take care of me as much as possible. But there is a gap between ideals and reality.
After I came here I found that I was disturbing their lives. They felt that I was redundant here, and I did this and they couldn't see my hard work. But I saw a lot of news. Take the food expenses as an example. In the past, they didn’t have that much food expenses. The food expenses I came here doubled, why did it double?
I often drink some soup when I get older. No problem. Also, the child has grown up, and the child has to eat and drink. In the past, the child couldn’t have eaten so much, but now it’s normal for the child to eat more when he grows up. The same was true for turning on the air conditioner in the past. They had electricity bills of more than 300 yuan a month, but now they were more than 400 yuan, and they came to blame me again when I was taking a shower. There is a lot of water there. I don't want to explain this.
really, I know they said that on purpose. The purpose is to make me hand over all the money. I have pension money, pension, and savings. They just like me, otherwise they wouldn't have hated me like this. There are quarrels here. Although I didn't ask me for money directly, I felt that they wanted me to give it, otherwise I wouldn't have always told me about money, and I also knew that they were under great pressure. So they just hope I hand over the money.
At that time, I still naively handed over the money. I think as long as I can help them, I'd better help. After all, they are all family members. If I don't help them, who will help them? I believe many elderly people have this idea, facing their children's help.
Many elderly people will hand over the money directly, and always think that as long as they can help their children, it's good. The question is whether you have ever thought about yourself when you help your children. People must learn to be selfish. If you are not responsible to yourself, no one will be responsible to you. I soon regretted it. After I gave it away, I found that everything had changed. I used to be a little harder, at least I had money to spend, but now I don’t even have a little money.
ask them if they want money, they have to look at their faces. They will give it when they are in a good mood. If they are in a bad mood, there will be 100 kinds of reasons to refuse. The more they are like this, the more I say, the more I don’t know how to face it. I shouldn't come here to support my elderly care.
I can take care of myself, why did I come here? I thought I would live a happy life, but I didn’t expect that it has been like this for only about a year. How should I live in the future? Many people say that I can go back. Can I still go back now? What do you do when you have no money? Go back and wait for death?
case story sharing person,
70-year-old Mr. Wu:
I shouldn't go to my son to support me. I can still take care of myself, so why do I have to go there? Now I am miserable and homeless. My son took me to retire. I didn't want to go, but my son said, "Who discovered you when you fainted a few days ago? What would you do if no one noticed you?"
If you find it, it will be unrecognizable. The consequences will be very serious. You also know that we are very busy at work and where will we get back? This kind of thing makes me very worried. My sister and I have agreed that you will come to my place to take care of you in the future. If you need help and care, I will ask my sister to come and take care of you. It doesn't sound like it's a big deal, it's all the family who helps each other.
But after my son, I realized that they wanted me to come over, and the purpose was to let me sell the house. To put it bluntly, they were under a lot of pressure and asked me to sell the house to help them. I was very confused when facing this matter, and then my son told me, you live well with me, will you live here in the future?
Sell the house. Anyway, the house is useless to you. Why did you keep the house you live in here? Isn't that good if I sell the house and help my sister? We are under such great pressure, if you don’t help, who will help?
I have nothing to say when facing this matter, they use both soft and hard. In the end, I agreed to sell the house. If I didn’t go to my child to retire, I wouldn’t sell the house. After selling the house, I found that I was no longer at ease. I was not doing well here and couldn’t even go back. If I had a house in the past, I could at least go back there. Now, where can I still have a home to go back?
I am homeless, so I shouldn't come to my son's place when I can take care of myself. If I don't come, this will not happen. This happened after I came here. The more I lose, the more I regret it, and the more I think about it, the more I feel uncomfortable. Many people think that all this is something I ask for, and I can’t blame the children.
is indeed the reason. If I hadn't come to my child to retire, would this happen? I thought about it before, but I didn’t expect my children to be so ruthless, let alone think your children won’t be like this. What I want to say is that men are under such great pressure nowadays, do you think they won’t be like that? You have to be responsible for yourself. So if you can take care of yourself, don’t go to your children. First, don’t bother them, and second, don’t let such a tragedy happen again.
Conclusion:
is indeed the reason why you can take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself, try to take care of yourself. When you really can't do it recently, go to your child. When you can take care of yourself, going to your child will definitely lead to tragedy. Either everything you have been taken away or you are being used by someone as a nanny there. You can go over and help.
But you can't lose yourself, just like these three old people in the article, I regret it now and live a miserable life. Only then do I realize that I can't get over it, and I know that I'm still talking. It's too late by this time. First, you disturb their lives, and second, you ruined the rest of your life. So if you have some choices and can take care of yourself, don’t go to your children.Isn't it good to take care of yourself at home?
Will you go to their place or ask them to come back one day? If you go to their place in advance or be taken by them, they have a purpose and will only make you regret it in the end. So when you can take care of yourself, try to live your own life. If you really can’t do it, go to your children. Is this responsible for yourself, your family, your children, do you understand?
