There is a question on Zhihu:
"What do you think is the most important ability?" In almost all the answers, one thing will be mentioned: the ability to control emotions. Emotions are like shadows with us. People who know how to control emotions are actually half successful. A truly capable person will not be a slave to emotions, but a master of emotions. Only those who are not impatient or impatient when encountering things, respond calmly; those who do things are down-to-earth and reliable, and whose words and deeds are consistent. Such people are experts in life.
A sentence from psychologist Martin Seligman said:
"Faced with those around you who are prone to negative energy to others, if you are not a psychologist and cannot have a strong mind to digest other people's negative energy, then silently staying away from and blocking should be the best choice."
In life, things that seem to be irrelevant may have some internal connection. Your small action will not only affect you, but also affect everyone around you.
American social psychologist Festinger has a very famous judgment, which is called the "Festinger Law": 10% of life is composed of what happens to you, and the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens. In other words, there are 10% of things in life that we cannot control, while the other 90% are what we can control.
Festinger gives such an example in the book.
When Castin got up in the morning, he put his high-end watch next to the toilet. His wife was afraid that she would be wet with water, so she took it over and put it on the dining table. When my son got up and went to the dining table to get bread, he accidentally touched the watch and broke it.
卡斯丁疼爱手表，就照儿子的屁股揍了一顿。 Then he cursed his wife with a dark face. The wife was dissatisfied and said she was afraid that the water would wet the watch. Castin says his watch is waterproof.
So the two of them started to argue violently. In a fit of anger, Castin didn't eat breakfast, so he drove to the company directly. When he was about to arrive at the company, he suddenly remembered that he forgot to get his briefcase and immediately turned home.
But there was no one at home. His wife went to work and his son went to school. Castin's key was left in his briefcase. He couldn't enter the door, so he had to call his wife to ask for the key.
When his wife rushed home in panic, she knocked over the roadside fruit stall. The stall owner grabbed her and refused to let her go, asking her to compensate, and she had to pay a sum of money to get rid of it.
After getting the briefcase, Castin was 15 minutes late and was severely criticized by his boss. Castin was in a very bad mood. Before getting off work, I had another small incident and had a fight with my colleague.
The wife was also deducted for leaving early and the full attendance award of the month. Her son participated in the baseball game that day. He was originally expected to win the championship, but because of his bad mood, he was eliminated in the first game.
In this case, 10% of the watch breaks, and the next series of things are the other 90%.
is because the parties involved do not control the 90% well, which makes this day a "annoying day".
Just imagine, after that 10% is generated, if Castin changes the reaction. For example, he comforted his son: "It doesn't matter, son, it's okay if the watch is broken, just use it for repair." In this way, the son is happy, the wife is happy, and he is in a good mood, so everything will not happen afterwards.
is visible, you cannot control the previous 10%, but you can completely determine the remaining 90% through your mentality and behavior.
In real life, I often hear people complain: Why am I so unlucky? There are always some unlucky things that bother me every day. How can I not let me calm down and have a good mood? Can anyone help me?
This is all a mentality issue. In fact, it is not others who can help you, but yourself. If you understand and be able to use the "Festinger Law" skillfully, all problems will be solved.
We inadvertently do not control our emotions well, which may leave "traces of nails" in the hearts of people who are close to us.
The harsh words hurt people only in a moment, and the soothing and healing will last forever. All the bad emotions are the ones who pay for the end.
