□ The collision of love and money
Money is not only the devil in life, but it can also buy a bouquet of flowers. The huge changes in urban lifestyle have transformed the requirements of family life from "subsistence and clothing" to "pleasure" and from "luxury" Type" has developed into "elegant type" and "emotional type", and the role of money is missing here.
in big cities In a sample survey of married couples from 1992 to 1996, it was found that the cost of marriage is getting higher and higher. This is an inevitable trend, and it is also a manifestation of the development of the social commodity economy and the improvement of people's living standards. However, the problem is: the cost of marriage High is not consistent with the income of the married person According to statistics, the average expenditure of a newlywed couple in Guangzhou is about 33,000 yuan, while the average annual income of ordinary employees in Guangzhou (non-"foreign-funded" enterprises) is more than 7,400 yuan. Here is the difference and comparison of money between the two parties in a marriage. They are both wealthy, easier to talk to and easier to do.
We don’t need to discuss the source of the difference. In this high cost, there will inevitably be a collision between love and money, which will even affect the status of the family and future disputes after the disintegration of the family. The progress of society and the development of industrial civilization will bring about It has contributed to the continuous enrichment of human material spirit, and at the same time it has also caused sharp and ever-changing problems.
□ You look for a wife, I take the money
"Poor parents in the world". Parents have worked hard all their lives to support their older children, and then invest all their savings into their own families for their children. This reflects the parents' sense of responsibility and love. Urban parents You should be very open-minded about the freedom of marriage for your children. "You find a wife, we take the money, and your future happiness is yours." "Indeed, when you enter the wedding hall with your parents' financial support, "working people" should be very grateful to their parents. However, "eating other people's mouths and taking advantage of other people's hands" should not be counted, even if it is their own parents. "Others", but "obedience" is still inevitable, especially those young couples who live with their parents after marriage, turn gratitude into submission, and still live "guided" by their parents like children.
Xiao Ming and Xiao Ye are both employees of a state-owned factory in Tianjin, with a monthly income of 600-700 yuan. After three years of dating, they decided to start a family. With their pitiful savings, they could only buy some decorations and cosmetics, not big items for the house. You have to rely on your parents, and large items are the basic conditions for building a family. This has been agreed in big cities. Xiao Ming's mother did not say anything, and gave all her savings of 30,000 yuan to Xiao Ming and Xiao Ye. "This is reserved for you to get married." Their wedding was not a luxurious one. In Tianjin, it could only be described as "passable". They completed the ceremony happily. After the wedding, Xiaoye knew that her parents-in-law had done a lot for them and respected them. She told her mother-in-law about everything. , she decided things. As time went by, they felt very awkward. Xiao Ming’s mother She also became their general manager. She took care of everything from clothing to work. At first, Xiaoye secretly got angry and said that her husband was useless, thinking that she had become the foil of the family. Later, Xiaoming couldn't bear it, so he Xiao Ming asked his mother very implicitly to give them more autonomy, and Xiao Ming’s mother was furious. Angry: "Have you forgotten how you got married? Besides, what I am doing now is not for you!" Xiao Ming has always been very filial and thought that he indeed owed his mother a lot, so he had to remain silent, while Xiao Ye finally endured "Didn't I just take some money from her? He is also her son!" Xiao Ye said to Xiao Ming An ultimatum was put forward, "If this continues, either I leave or she lets go."
On one side is his wife, on the other side is his mother. In addition, Xiao Ming has always had a weak personality, and he suddenly fell into the abyss of a dilemma. The family is on the verge of breaking up due to money pressure.
□ Money is the most important word A philosopher once said that the beauty of life is the beauty of human relationships, and the richness of life is the richness of interpersonal relationships. A person's life's growth, development success, and happiness are closely related to the people around him. A person's life's happiness, troubles, joy, sorrow, love, and hate are also inseparable from the people around him.
Xiao Ming’s mother used money to completely involve herself in Xiao Ming and Xiao Ming’s family. She interfered too much and controlled too much. Not only did it not help them, but it also inhibited the development of their family atmosphere and independence. This On the one hand, it is due to the character problems of Xiao Ming and Xiao Ye, on the other hand Because of the overwhelming emphasis on money, consumption in contemporary cities is staggering, but the basis for consumption is very thin. It is not necessarily a bad thing to want to consume, so it is best to obtain the capital for consumption on your own. Under the general trend of the social commodity economy, ordinary urban youths The challenges faced by the establishment of marriage and family are also becoming more and more severe.
□ The weights on the scale
"We are all a family, living together, it doesn't matter who earns more than the other." People of the older generation often think this way, but more and more people in modern cities Husband and wife have disagreements over "this matter", and even go to court. "Money" has become a scale in a couple's life to some extent, reflecting the status and weight of the couple, and this scale is not always balanced. Sometimes it leans this way, sometimes it leans that way.
When Hua Ting and Di Di first got married, Di Di was just a temporary teacher in a street primary school. Hua Ting’s family was well-off and her uncle worked in a government agency. After graduating from college, she worked for the district education committee through some connections. During an accidental education inspection When she met Dagang, she was deeply attracted by the young man's temperament and connotation. She felt that he was Later, her persistence would make her stand out, so she shot Cupid's arrow at him. The Hua family was rich and powerful. The outline only bought a few clothes for Hua Ting, and the rest of the wedding expenses were paid for by the Hua Ting family. After getting married, although Hua Ting's income was much higher than Dagang's, the couple never quarreled about money. They were a loving couple, which made people envious.
A few years later, the outline lived up to Hua Ting's high hopes. Through his own efforts, he spread his wings and flew to the United States to become gold-plated. After returning, he became the agent of a large foreign company in China, with hundreds of dollar bills and always a stack in his pocket. . Foreign goods, clothing, food, and daily necessities were brought back in boxes one by one. They also bought some fashionable things from time to time. On every day off, the couple would go out on the street and buy whatever they liked. She lost interest again, so she threw it into the trash. Hua Ting didn't say anything at first, but then she whispered a few words of advice. Unexpectedly, the outline said: "This is the money I earn, I can spend it however I want!" One sentence made Hua Ting angry and said: "Why didn't I spend the money I earned when I wanted to? How come a man becomes arrogant when he has a big face."
Hua Ting is a knowledgeable person with connotation. Although she will turn a blind eye to how much she earns and spends in the future, But it was really difficult to balance her heart. She felt that her life had lost the harmony of the past. There was always a scale in her heart that she picked up gently, falling heavily on one end and raising it lightly on the other. Hua Ting finally sighed and said: "A woman should never think that having a man's past means she can share his present. Otherwise, when a man gets rich, a woman's heart will easily become unbalanced."
Love is the sublimation of emotions and emotions between the sexes, and is the real bond of marriage, while money is just an indispensable incidental item in marriage. The rapid development of modern cities has rapidly increased the status of money in marriage. For men, there is no People are "good" when they have money, and they are "hot" when they have money. This phenomenon is not only caused by traditional factors, but also brings with it some decadent Western ideas.
□ Rich woman looking for a husband
As time goes by, concepts change, and how to make money is the general trend of the times. Men rely on words, while women rely on face. Although it is biased to say this, it also reflects the advantages of women in "entering the world". Many naturally beautiful girls have applied for jobs in public relations, secretarial After a few years, my wallet was filled with banknotes. When I calmed down, thoughts of marriage and starting a family also came to my mind. A wealthy young female boss put forward the following criteria for choosing a spouse based on her own hardships at work: the partner is an ordinary state-owned enterprise employee, timid, honest and incompetent, and not worth a penny.Why did she put forward such a strange standard? She said, I have enough money now and don’t have to worry about finances. I retired from the business world and got married in order to live a stable and comfortable family life. I can also take a good rest and health, and experience the importance of family. Family happiness; live a happy, peaceful and wild life Men who are too ambitious and have a strong foundation are generally restless. I can't control him. I even have to worry about him. I have to prevent him from messing around with women outside, but also tolerate him from arrogantly gesticulating at home. Find a right person. As long as a worker like me doesn’t gamble or go whoring, be a good person, care for me, love me, and listen to me, then this is the person I want to stay with for the rest of my life, and only then will I have a truly happy marriage.
The female boss finally disturbed an ideal young man who basically met the standards. After getting married, she handed over her career to him and retired to the "second line" as a consultant, giving guidance to the honest young man in detail. I also feel the kindness of my encounter. In addition to being caring and considerate to my wife, my wife takes care of all income and expenses of money. Now, the husband and wife love each other and are full of harmony.
Modern urban society has a variety of scenes, and the emotional world has no fixed rules. In today's market economy tide, the money owned by both men and women should be balanced. Many wealthy women who have experienced ups and downs want to find an ordinary person. Anchored in An'an's harbor, they established stability based on their strong economic foundation. The family superstructure is the embodiment of self-awareness in emotional intelligence. This "self-knowledge" encompasses many aspects such as cultural intelligence, appearance, personality, etc. It is also in line with the overall female mentality - at this time, the weight of money becomes female reason and emotion. There is a weight on the scale. In fact, women from such families rarely show arrogance towards their honest men, and they rarely get kicked by men.
□ Eating soft rice
The problem related to the above marriage form is "eating soft rice." Chinese men have always looked down on men who are raised by women, calling these people "eating soft rice." There are various forms of eating soft rice. Some rely on their pretty faces to deceive and deceive, some take advantage of women's weaknesses and seize women arrogantly, some use their honesty, sincerity, and thoughtfulness to "match the right and wrong" with rich women, and For ordinary intellectuals in the city to "eat soft food" can be considered a bit truly aboveboard. "Learning doesn't make money, and it's all for nothing." The intellectuals who climb the grid have always been poor and hard-working. They are as thin as bamboo poles, and wear dark glasses, digging into piles of paper every day to create the 1,000 words. I don't feel shabby for the 20-30 yuan royalties, but my wife can't stand it. "If you stay in the house and make money, you won't make much money, and you will become an old man." "If you don't go to the sea, I will go to the sea." Wan Yi is a university teacher. Although he is young, he is well-known for his academic work. He has a lot of manuscripts on his desk, but he cannot keep up with the times in the new social trend to support his family.
Huo Chun saw that the sisters around him were dressing up younger and younger. Although he was not very envious, he felt uncomfortable in his heart. He wanted to scold his man and felt sad for him. Finally, in a fit of anger, he walked into the sea. The process of making money begins, the money Huo Chun earns Wan Yi didn't want it. Later he found that his wife made money very easily. He brought back a lot of money from a business trip. In addition, his wife said: "You and I are with each other. What's mine is yours."
Although Wan Yi is a man of great integrity, he still slowly uses his wife's money They came to buy books and daily necessities. Later, the feeling of shame became at ease, because the fact is here. After the two people negotiated, they divided the expenses of their money. Huo Chun earned enough to support the family's daily expenses and left With some savings, Wanyi’s income is used to buy books, stereos, small gifts, etc. For consumer goods, after such coordination, the wife earns most of the money, and the husband also makes some sporadic contributions to the family, which also reflects his own value as a man. Xiao Wan said to his colleagues: "I am "eating soft rice", but eating She didn’t mean to eat it if she was lucky enough. As for her family, it’s not a bad thing if she has the ability to make money.”Xiao Huo also understands her husband very well, "It's a fantasy to let a nerd earn a lot of money, but he has his own ego, and using my money can help him increase his sense of family responsibility." If it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter who has whose money. , which shows that both of them love this home and are integrated into one.
However, in modern cities, there are not many people like Wan Yi who can withstand the pressure of the outside world and their own psychological imbalance. Many husbands are always "eating soft food" when they are psychologically unbalanced, and they are so relaxed. In the end, Men are not jealous, but women are more angry. This is how family estrangement arises. It has even reached the point where you can’t get rid of it. The reality is the reality. The family is not just for making money. The fact is that the wife has a high income. This is not the only weight to measure the value of both parties. A man should have a man’s mind and be a man. Adding the weight of emotion and wisdom to marriage creates a better marriage situation.
□ Pre-marital property agreement
Marriage and family are a microcosm of society. The trend of thought and fashion of an era must always be reflected in the small environment closest to the lives of ordinary people. As the most sensitive carrier of the process of human civilization, cities are the most sensitive carriers of human civilization. newborn Things burst out with dazzling light. Some people marveled and cheered for it, while others were worried and sad about it. The rise of new concepts of marriage and love in the city is a sign of the development of modern civilization, and the agreement on family property in marriage is a new against the backdrop of an intriguing landscape.
In special economic zones and some open cities in the south, the AA system has become popular in the past few years, that is, friends drink, eat and buy things together, each paying from his own pocket. This not only avoids friction and conflicts caused by eating for oneself, but also prevents personal problems. I have a sense of saving in my heart - after all, I feel bad about using my money. Now the AA system is also applied to marriages and families. Although the husband and wife are not so clear when it comes to money, they each have their own accounts in their hearts. In this way, there is an agreement before the marriage and a separation after the marriage. In case the marriage breaks down, there is an explanation. and processing.
He and she are an enviable couple. He was promoted to associate professor at a young age based on his talent. She was suddenly promoted to a department manager by a foreign-funded company based on her dignity, beauty and ability. They are college classmates. . Five years of love united their hearts. The conditions of both families are very good, and their cultural quality should be considered high-level in the school. However, when it comes to the relationship between love and property, they both advocate separation.
He said: "Love is not based on property, and the confusion and clutter of property will affect the development of love. We all have the ability to live independently. Therefore, if we settle the property before marriage, it will not blaspheme our sacredness." Love, on the contrary, the two people are financially clear to each other, which is conducive to the development of the relationship along a fresh, sincere, and healthy track." She said: "I think in today's society, in a sense, it is clear that one has real possessions in the family. Only when a woman has a sense of economic independence can she have an independent personality." Their understanding based on their high quality makes them form We have a clear distinction between property and property, and we always respect and understand each other emotionally.
□ Be Prepared
Article 13 of China's " Marriage Law " stipulates: "The property acquired by a husband and wife during the marriage relationship shall be jointly owned by the husband and wife, unless otherwise agreed by both parties." Marriage between a man and a woman is a major event in life. Which couple who is about to get married does not yearn to grow old together and stay together for life?
However, in modern cities, the divorce rate in our country is increasing year by year. This is a ruthless reality. Since there are factors for divorce, there are worries about divorce before marriage, and divorce will inevitably involve property division. In some Western countries, first marriage It is very common for couples to make pre-marital property agreements.
In fact, because the relationship between traditional family ethics and morals in our country is getting weaker and weaker, there are many uncertain factors for both men and women, especially the woman, to grasp the direction of development after marriage, and it has truly reached the point where it is impossible to save them. I don’t know, but in a certain city’s notary office, a girl came with money, but when facing the notary, she hesitated to speak and became shy. After the notary’s repeated and enthusiastic questioning, she hesitated to explain the purpose of her visit: I After my parents passed away, they left me a considerable inheritance.I want to get married recently. My boyfriend has always been very good to me, but who knows if he will change his mind in the future. I want to protect this property through legal means before getting married. If there is any accident in the future, my future life will also be different. Assure. "
In a court in a certain city, a feuding couple argued over a set of high-end speakers. Both parties said that the speakers were bought before their marriage. It turned out that the 5,000-yuan set of speakers was purchased by the woman's mother for fear of offending her son and daughter-in-law. She was dissatisfied and secretly gave her future son-in-law money to go to the mall to buy the stereo. His name was clearly written on the invoice for the stereo. The woman did not have any conclusive evidence and could only watch the court judge the stereo. To the man.
According to my country’s Marriage Law, the property of a couple before marriage is owned individually, and in case of divorce, only the joint property of both parties can be divided. However, in practice, it is often difficult for the court to divide the property of both parties. It can be adjudicated before and after marriage. If the couple has made a property agreement before marriage, the court can directly collect the evidence, which can reduce a lot of unnecessary troubles.
Nowadays, urban tycoons. With the Chinese marriage form, personal property before marriage has become increasingly abundant, and pre-marital property agreements have emerged because of this. According to the court, there are many practical benefits to notarization, which can protect personal legal rights and interests from infringement. It is conducive to the stability and harmony of the family, preventing litigation and reducing disputes. From this aspect, pre-marital property agreement is a wise choice for modern people.
From the perspective of emotional intelligence, this is a wise choice. This kind of agreement allows one's marital emotions to reach a stable state and be saturated without any worries under the guarantee of a certain material basis, which not only eliminates one's own psychological potential fears, but also adds the emotion of creating a harmonious atmosphere.
Money in the modern urban marriage landscape. For example, the color can be adjusted to black or red, or it can be a warm blue. This depends on the two masters of the color.
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