1
I grew up in a small county town in the northwest.
My mother is beautiful, likes to dress up, and is good at dressing. Every time she holds a parent-teacher meeting, many classmates say that my mother is so young and beautiful. When I heard these words, I felt extremely excited and happy inside.
Back then, my mother graduated from high school and took over my grandfather's class and worked as an accountant in a local supply and marketing cooperative.
At that time, my mother's family was in good condition and she was beautiful. My aunt later told me that there were many boys chasing my mother at that time, but my mother ignored those men because she had someone she liked.
That person is my dad.
My father's family conditions are average, and his grandparents are both farmers. However, my father is good at studying and loves to be clean, and the most important thing is that he has a good personality, is restrained, speaks politely, and never swears.
My mother graduated from junior high school and went to work, her father was admitted to technical secondary school, and later, she was admitted to university. In those years, my mother felt very disappointed. She often sat alone at the door of the supply and marketing cooperative and felt sad. She felt that the boy she liked was leaving her.
2
Later, someone proposed marriage, and my mother had to agree and got married to a person she didn't like very much, just because that person's family had some money, and grandpa really wanted that man to be his son-in-law.
Engagement is summer, and we promise to get married on National Day.
However, before the National Day came, my mother got good news. After my father graduated from college, he was assigned to a school in our county as a teacher.
When my mother learned the good news, she ignored it and found her grandfather, and she said she wanted to quit the marriage.
Grandpa was shocked and asked, Daughter, are you crazy? Our family has received someone else's betrothal gift. In a few months, you will be the wife of the Zhang family. You are already engaged. How can you say such things?
My mother said immediately, Arong is back, I want to go find him, I want to marry him.
Grandpa even felt incredible and asked, have you seen Arong? Did he say he wanted to marry you?
My mother said, I have to retire from the marriage first before I can see him, otherwise, I am all settled, so why are I qualified to say what I like to him?
Although my grandfather opposed it, my mother insisted on her own and almost got into a quarrel with my grandfather.
Later, the people who got engaged to my mother also learned my mother's secret. Not only did they disagree with breaking the engagement, but they also advanced the wedding date, fearing that the night was long and the dreams were too high.
My mother firmly opposed it.
That incident caused a lot of controversy in the local area, and the family often went to the supply and marketing cooperative where my mother was located to cause trouble.
3
The incident ended up being in trouble for more than a year, and almost everyone knew about it. Many people said, My mother was ungrateful, got engaged, and she still thought about other men in her heart. She was not virtuous, but my mother ignored her.
Grandpa finally had no choice but to refund the betrothal gift and compensate the other party some money. This matter was considered to be calm.
After breaking the engagement, my mother began to blatantly pursue my dad.
My dad may also like my mom, and the two quickly confirmed their relationship and entered marriage.
In my childhood memory, my parents are still very loving.
When I was in elementary school, many units were reformed. My mother was laid off and she suddenly became a housewife. For a while, she had a very bad temper. Her father didn't talk much and was not anxious or slow. He often comforted her mother that I still had me at home, so don't be afraid.
My mother still couldn't control herself and lost her temper at any time. At that time, I already had a younger brother. My mother often got angry because of her younger brother crying and even beat him.I often feel uneasy at home.
Sometimes, Dad really couldn't stand it anymore, so he said a few words to his mother. She roared like a crazy lion.
4
Later, my father seemed to be transferred to a school far from home.
He often doesn’t go home, often only once a week. Every time he comes back, he will take my brother and I to the library.
I asked my dad, why don’t you go home? We all miss you.
Dad said, "I'm busy with work and can't come back." As long as you two listen to your mother, I'll feel at ease."
Every time I spend with my father, it’s very short and beautiful. His favorite saying is to listen to your mother’s words carefully and not make her angry.
However, I saw that my father and mother talk less and less. My mother often accuses me and my brother and father, saying that he doesn't go home and ignores his family.
There was even one time when my parents quarreled, Mom said, I was really blind back then, and I also retired from marriage for you, ruined my reputation. Look at yourself, is it worth it, and ask you to find a relationship and help me get a job, but you just don’t go, you’re a coward.
Dad fights back loudly, why, you regret it, you found a coward, regrets, you can divorce , I'm making you unable to eat enough, or you can't wear warmth, do you have so many requirements? I heard these words from outside the door. From that time, I knew where the conflict between my parents was.
5
Later, the number of times my father came back was getting less and less.
Of course, my mother complains more and more. Sometimes, my mother will complain to me. She said, You must keep your eyes open when you grow up and find a partner. When you are in love, you must bring it back and let your mother check it. You can't be blinded like your mother. . Look, how boring your mother is now.
Look at your father, just earning that little money, and not caring about family. I really don’t know when I am staying like this.
At the beginning, after hearing this, I would also say something for my father. I said, "Dad is for work, and it is so far away from school, so it is not realistic to go home every day."
But as soon as I finished speaking, my mother started to criticize me, hey, why are you talking to your dad? , look, he is still hiding from leisure, going so far, and throwing home to me, it's really too much.
At the beginning, I felt that my father was busy with work and my mother was wronged, so I would comfort and adjust. Later, as long as I spoke for my father, she would scold me.
This puts me in a dilemma.
Later, I listened to what she said, but, without refuting it, over time, I felt that I had become accustomed to it. When my mother said to her father, I agreed and slowly agreed in my heart.
6
Later, I got into college and went to a city outside. My mother called me, and the first half was talking to me, and the second half was she complaining about her father.
I feel that I am slowly being subtly influenced by such complaints. In my heart, my mother and I become a blended person.
Mother's emotions, my father doesn't accept it. He often doesn't go home because of his busy work. My mother is like a grudge. She tells me whenever she has any bitterness. She wants to tell my father if she wants to tell her, and she asks me to pass on the message. I feel so embarrassed.
Because I have a close relationship with my mother, I obviously feel that my father is also alienating me. Unlike when I was a child, I often chat with me.
This year I was a senior year, and my mother told me that after graduation, I must return to my hometown so that we two can take care of each other.
In my heart, I was still a little hesitant. I wanted to stay in a city where I went to college. On the one hand, big cities are very convenient in all aspects. I want to struggle. On the other hand, I am a little afraid that my mother will bring me bitterness every day. I feel a little pitiful to my mother and annoyed.
If I don’t go back, I feel a little betrayed my mother and feel very uncomfortable.
Crying Teacher He, what should I do?
Mantianxing
7
Crying He Reply:
Hello, first of all, thank you for your trust.
Seeing your letter, I saw your simplicity and kindness.
Why do you say that?
Because, parents have some problems in their marriage relationship, and they did not handle it themselves, and pulled you into their marriage relationship, forming a triangle relationship.
Mom complains about her father and has opinions. She does not communicate with him directly, but complains to you and tells you that in this way, you can act as a bond in their husband-wife relationship, and she will even tell you if she has something to do, and then you can convey it to her father.
Because of this way of getting along, if there is a problem with your parents’ own relationship, they will not solve their problems by themselves. They are all using you to solve their problems.
and this puts you in a dilemma.
You have graduated from college and have to face a big choice in life. Choosing a career is a major event in life. In addition to work, in which city you will live in in the future, this choice will be critical.
Maybe, there is a certain probability in the future, and you will change jobs and cities, but most people will work and live in the city they choose for the first time after graduation, so you must consider it carefully.
Maybe, what you can't worry about is that the relationship between your parents is actually in this relationship, you are like a bridge connecting them.
However, ultimately needs to be handled by them, rather than always connecting and processing through your bridge.
All you have to do is to choose the city you like according to your own wishes, find the job you like, and start your own life.
As for the relationship between parents, you can organize a family meeting and express your opinions positively, tell them the difficulties and feelings of this bridge, so that they know that the marriage relationship must be faced directly and resolved by themselves, and others cannot replace it.
Hope, seeing this, you have an epiphany.
8
Stories are not an isolated case. They are very common in the relationship between husband and wife today. Many people regard children as bridges in their marriage relationships. The couple forms a triangle relationship with their children. The couple does not solve their own problems themselves, but involves the children in this way. This has played a great role in the development of their children's life.
Children are usually triangulated in the following situations:
First, partners regard children as tools for power struggle.
Second, the partner regards the child as a means of communication.
3, one of the partners is emotionally close to the child and alienate the partner .
Therefore, in all relationships between husband and wife, you must sort out the relationship between yourself and your partner. If there is a problem with the relationship between husband and wife, first of all, you should be aware of yourself and find the cause of the problem, instead of avoiding the problem and pulling the child in. Although such a triangle relationship seems to be very stable, avoiding head-on conflict between husband and wife, it also gives up the opportunity to solve the problem, and it has caused great harm to the growth and life development of the child.
I think no parent is willing to take the initiative to cause harm to their children, right?
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