Author/Window sill
Last night, when a reader was talking to me about his marriage, he suddenly said this: A woman’s life, no matter who she marries, will ultimately be the same.
I believe this sentence. Many people have heard this sentence in their lives, and after hearing it too much, they gradually develop a sense of helplessness similar to fate in marriage. The main reason is that they have heard too many bad things about other people’s marriages. Well, then you assume that these things will definitely happen to you, which creates a sense of powerlessness.
But in fact, although marriage is a matter of two people forming a family, its manifestations look similar, and there are many similarities.
For example, after getting married, it will be a small life of daily necessities, a lot of romance and tenderness, and it will be full of conflicts in life, and there will also be a lot of quarrels.
However, you must understand that even though they are all on the same day, the same things will still have completely different results if they are put to different people.
Because the most important thing is actually the way to deal with the problem.
Some time ago, I heard a 48-year-old woman tell me something like this, saying that she only understood after her second marriage that marrying different men in this life is really completely different.
When she started a new marriage despite not being optimistic about it, but gradually lived her ideal life, she became more determined in her original choice.
She had been thinking about divorcing her ex-husband for almost three years. When she was 40 years old, she had many conflicts with her ex-husband. It could be said that she was quarreling every day. Unless they didn't meet, they were very affectionate to each other whenever they met. have opinions.
At that time, no matter how much she told anyone about her thoughts and her intention to get a divorce, no one around her supported her, especially her mother, who repeatedly told her that people would be like this all their lives, no matter who they married. It's almost the same. Everyone's pot is a little dusty. It's normal to make noises. Just tolerate it and it will be fine. When the two of you are older, everything will be fine.
Her ex-husband, in the eyes of outsiders, could not find anything bad to say. Everyone said he was an honest man and had a good temper. In fact, his honesty seemed to her like a coward with no confidence. He wanted to save face outside. , never refuse anything from others, even the slightest thing about an outsider is more important than hers.
For example, there was once a person in my hometown who asked her ex-husband to help pull something. Her ex-husband went to all the trouble to send the person back to his hometown without taking any money. There are countless such things. But usually if she comes to her ex-husband for something, even if she wants to give him an umbrella when it rains, her ex-husband will blame her and keep talking, saying that she has wasted his time and so on.
Because of these little daily things, they really quarreled a lot, and every time they had a big quarrel, they would talk about these little things again.
Whenever this happens, her ex-husband always says that she talks too much and talks about the same thing over and over again. But she thinks that the reason why she talks so much is not because she has never felt his care and affection in so many years of marriage. He has never cared about her or cared about the family.
She can no longer communicate these things to outsiders, because as soon as she mentions them, others think these are trivial matters. She says that her husband does not smoke, does not gamble, and does not have major bad habits, which is enough.
But she felt tired and very tired. She said: "For so many years, everything at home has depended on me. He would quarrel with me at home, and his temper was not that good. He really didn't dare to say a word outside. He said, "I can't afford it. In the past, I needed to borrow some money from a relative to buy a house. If I didn't go, he wouldn't go. He insisted on me going and had to go ahead. I was the one who said it."As a result, he quarreled with me later, saying that his relatives borrowed the money for his sake, saying that I had a bad temper and was not popular, and that I had no face at all, but the person who borrowed the money was my biological sister. "
I have been watching " Happy to Ten Thousands of Homes " for the past two days, and I suddenly felt that Wang Qinglai in it is quite similar to her description.
However, she does not have as big a mind and ability as He Xingfu. When facing her marriage, she is not only giving and thinking about how to run it well, but also thinking that this marriage should be mutual.
What she hopes is: I can accommodate you and work hard for this family. But as the head of the family, you should also have the ability to support everything, even if you have this intention, or you can see that I have paid, you can say something, but the problem is that there is nothing.
So, there is nothing between them. At the age of 40, the contradictions began to accumulate to a climax.
But when it comes to divorce, it is definitely not easy. After all, she has too many things to consider, so she has been delaying it for three years. She also tried. She went to communicate with her ex-husband, but to no avail. A person's nature is really not that easy to change.
In the past three years, they had more conflicts. Her ex-husband blamed all the faults on her. Someone with bad character would want a divorce. Is there someone outside? The two had a fight.
She finally made the decision.
Two years later, she remarried. She had known the man beforehand. In terms of character and past, the reason for divorce was because the man handed over the money, but when he needed money for something, he discovered that his ex-wife had used up all the family's savings, and most of it was given to her mother's brother to buy a house. She didn't borrow it, she gave it to her, and the other part was given to her. I didn't tell him at all.
He didn't ask for the money back, he just decided to divorce.
As a result, the two of them got along very well, had similar temperaments, and had basically no quarrels in the past 3 years. , she is still in charge of the family's finances, and she can feel that her temper is getting better and her mood is getting better.
Of course, there are definitely shortcomings, but the two of them can sit together and have a good chat every time. Open, the estrangement disappears, and her current husband is more capable of self-reflection, which is something her ex-husband did not have.
She is lucky enough to meet a truly suitable person in her second marriage. Back to real life, many people may not have this kind of luck and perspective.
Therefore, you must be cautious about divorce. Marriage is not a child's play.
However, her experience also tells us a truth, not everyone you marry is the same, so when entering into marriage, you cannot compromise due to various realistic factors, overly make do, and think that if everything is the same anyway, you will be similar to everyone. , just finish it and talk about it later. If you hold on to this kind of indifferent mentality, you will probably be slapped hard by reality in the end.
Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, your significant other has different temperaments, different personalities, different ideas, and different ways of dealing with problems. This will definitely make a huge difference in the quality of your life with him.
You must understand this.
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