Young people live in the same way as young people, and old people live in the same way as old people. Because the gap between the two concepts is too big, once young people get married, if conditions permit, they will move out and establish their own little home.
In this way, they can avoid conflicts with the elderly and reduce many unnecessary conflicts. The fragrance is far away and the smell is near. When they get together during the holidays, the family will be harmonious.
However, due to various reasons, some young people still have to live with the elderly after getting married. The elderly and children live in the same house. If you want to make the family happy, it depends on the hard work of the whole family.
Old people tend to worry about their children. There is nothing wrong with this. The problem is worrying too much. They have to take care of this and that. They always like to have a hand in everything, and family conflicts will naturally arise.
Many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law or between father-in-law and daughter-in-law are triggered by the mother-in-law or father-in-law who are particularly nosy. Even if the son and daughter-in-law have a deep relationship, they cannot withstand the tossing of the old man!
Mr. Du, who lives in Jinshui District, Zhengzhou, complained to the mediator with a depressed look on his face. He and his wife originally lived in Anyang's hometown. Six years ago, when his youngest son got married and settled in Zhengzhou, the two of them moved together. People were brought to live in Zhengzhou. He has lived here for six years. Now he and his wife no longer want to live here and want to return to their hometown to retire.
His son and his daughter-in-law had a quarrel. He didn't want his son to be in a dilemma. He and his wife returned to their hometown to live. That was the best way to deal with it. They were also happy and did not have to hear the noise.
Speaking of his daughter-in-law, he had a lot of dissatisfaction with her. His daughter-in-law was spoiled by his son, so much so that she was so arrogant that she didn't know how to position herself properly and regarded herself as a noble. The main reason why he and his wife wanted to return to their hometown was that they were dissatisfied with their daughter-in-law.
However, his son refused to let him go back, saying that he wanted to rent a house for the two elders to live in. Firstly, he could avoid seeing his daughter-in-law, and secondly, they could still stay in Zhengzhou. When he thought about his son's idea of renting a house, he became very angry. Why would he rent a house? It would be a lot of money! He didn't agree with his younger son's proposal. They had to go back to their hometown anyway.
As they talked, the father and son also started arguing.
Because of this, he asked the program team for help in mediating.
After learning that the mediator came to mediate at home, Mr. Du's son Xiaolong and his daughter-in-law Li Min rushed home.
Regarding the quarrel with her husband Xiaolong, Li Min said that she was confused the whole time and didn't know why her husband wanted to quarrel with her. I remember that around nine o'clock that night, she received a call from her husband right after class. He scolded her as soon as he opened his mouth. Why didn't he go home? When she got home, her husband continued to curse and cursed throughout the whole process. She was confused and had no idea what was going on.
He kept swearing and didn't say anything. She felt insulted and her temper got worse, so she slapped him several times. Not to be outdone, her husband also slapped her several times. Then, the two began to struggle.
Her husband's behavior had such an impact on her that she was very surprised. Her husband was introverted and talked little, and he was usually a gentle and polite person. Unexpectedly, he suddenly cursed at her, and he always cursed her with swear words, subverting his previous image. After all, he is a graduate of North China University of Water Resources and Hydropower. He has received higher education, but he swears like an unqualified person.
The mediator asked Xiaolong why he scolded his wife so badly?
Xiaolong replied that his parents had been emotionally unstable recently, saying a lot of things against his wife, and kept clamoring to leave Zhengzhou and go back to his hometown, which made him upset and angry. Therefore, he couldn't help but vent his anger on his wife and take it out on her. That night, he suddenly lost control of his emotions and couldn't help scolding his wife. He didn't have the sense of propriety in his words before, and his words were more unpleasant.In addition, his wife slapped him several times at that time, which made him even more angry. He immediately slapped his wife several times and spoke even more carelessly and without thinking too much.
Impulsively, he filed for divorce from his wife. If he really couldn't survive, he would go to the Civil Affairs Bureau for divorce tomorrow.
On the next day, after the wife sent the child to kindergarten, they went to the Civil Affairs Bureau, but the people from the Civil Affairs Bureau said that the divorce procedures could only be completed in the afternoon.
When he got home, his mind gradually calmed down. After thinking for a whole morning, he came to the conclusion that he wanted to get a divorce but he couldn't afford it.
Let’s not talk about anything else, let’s talk about the children. What will happen to the children if they get divorced.
Next, he told his wife bluntly that he could not afford a divorce, and then went to work. Later, his wife sent him a message asking him to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau, but he still disagreed. He immediately said that if his wife wanted to divorce him, then she should sue him, or sue him for domestic violence. The night before yesterday, his parents told him that they wanted to go back to his hometown, which made him feel uncomfortable.
Speaking of this, Xiaolong couldn't help but shed tears. The mediator quickly handed him a tissue, and he continued to talk about how his parents were old and in poor health, so how could he rest assured that they would return to their hometown. The eldest brother and the second brother are not in their hometown. Once the old man returns, they can only rely on themselves. His original intention was to leave if he could, and he didn't have to force them to stay. Thinking that they didn't get along with their wife and didn't like her, he simply rented a house to them, which was just to try his best to keep them. They live in the same city, even if they don't live together, he can take care of anything they have.
To take a step back, if they insist on leaving, they should not leave home in anger. The mediator
believes that Xiaolong should not take out his anger on his wife. Xiaolong himself is responsible for failing to handle the relationship between his parents and his wife. Besides, if your parents want to leave, you can't blame the wife alone. It can even be said that she has little to do with it.
Xiaolong admitted that he was indeed impulsive at the time, but there were also things that his wife usually couldn't do well. Some time ago, my father fell ill and was hospitalized, but my daughter-in-law did not go to the hospital to visit him. His father had always been worried about this matter. He didn't ask about his condition or where he was, as if he didn't even know he was hospitalized.
Li Min explained that she knew about her father-in-law's hospitalization, but she was busy at work and had to take her children to kindergarten, so she didn't pay much attention to her father-in-law's condition. She thought that with her husband taking care of her in the hospital, there would be no problem. She called her father-in-law, but she didn't ask him where he was. She didn't say this. She knew he was in hospital, so it was impossible to ask him like that. Moreover, she thought the phone book was just a trivial matter, so she didn't take it seriously. She couldn't remember the specific content of the call now. If everyone hadn't brought it up again, she wouldn't have thought about it so much.
Seeing that her father-in-law didn't buy it, Li Min had no choice but to give in and apologize to him, saying that no matter what the content of the call was, she would treat it as a wrong call and hoped that her father-in-law would understand.
The mediator told Li Min that even if her father-in-law and her mother-in-law were not related by blood, they still helped take care of the children. No matter what, if her father-in-law was sick and hospitalized, Li Min should care about him. Even if she did not go to the hospital, she could still ask him on the phone. What's the situation? Sick people are inherently sensitive and think too much, which can lead to many bad situations, especially the elderly. If his wife does not express concern, he will think that her daughter-in-law does not pay attention to him.
Hearing what the mediator said, Mr. Du answered the conversation. He took good care of his younger son and his family. Both his wife and he helped take care of the grandson, and the money they earned was given to the grandson. It can be said that they contributed money and effort, but they He was so disappointed that he couldn't get their attention from treating him like this.
After hearing what her father-in-law said, Li Min quickly explained that she had no objection to her father-in-law. Her father-in-law was happy and everyone in the family was happy, so she did not mean to ignore him. As for opinions, it was her father-in-law and mother-in-law who had objections to her. She could feel that her father-in-law always seemed to like to stir up troubles, magnify small things, and hold on to small things.
Some time ago, she thought it would be too troublesome to buy breakfast, so she bought a egg steamer , and she could steam eggs directly for breakfast when she got up in the morning. When she first came here, she was very curious about it, and she tried to use it the next day. Since her parents-in-law got up early, the two old men had already finished their breakfast when they got up, so she didn't ask them if they wanted eggs. After asking her husband, he said he wouldn't eat it, so she ended up cooking only one person's portion. Another time, I got off work late in the evening and when I got home, the old man had already had dinner. She didn't want to cook, so she bought a few packs of thin rice noodles, which she could eat by soaking them in boiling water, which was very convenient. After asking her husband, he still said he wouldn't eat it, so she just made one portion and ate it herself.
She didn’t think it was a big deal, nor did she think there was anything wrong with what she did. However, her father-in-law felt that she had done something wrong and scorned her, saying that she was selfish and only considered herself, and did not ask her husband for food, so she looked like a wife.
The mediator believes that this is what is wrong with Mr. Du. First, he stretches his hands too far and controls too much. Relying on his own subjective assumptions about his daughter-in-law was unfair to her. Even though they asked about his son, he still insisted on his own judgment and said that they didn't ask. Not only did he wrong someone, he also overly interfered in the child's life. In fact, when children have children, whether they are sons or grandchildren, he should not cross the line and interfere too much with them. The elderly should enjoy happiness as they should and take care of their own lives.
The mediator’s words made the stubborn old gentleman fall into silence.
After some discussion by the mediation team, the mediator gave them suggestions. If they want to have a harmonious family, each family member should correct their position and do their own duties. The old man is the son’s parent. When it comes to the son, Living at home has actually changed the place and the owner. The old man is no longer the head of the family, but his son and daughter-in-law are the masters of the home. If parents still act like masters and have to control everything, their son's little home will definitely lose its original tranquility.
As for Xiaolong, he was supposed to be the mediator between his parents and his daughter-in-law. He had the responsibility to do ideological work for them and ease their relationship. However, Xiaolong did not have this ability, but he insisted on bringing his parents home, which was also ill-considered. . In the end, the parents dislike their daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law is unhappy. Whenever there is a conflict, he always defends his parents and wrongs his wife, which undoubtedly accelerates the division of the family.
There is also Li Min. The mediator suggested that although she has suffered a lot of grievances, she also has problems. No matter how bad her parents-in-law may be, at least they helped take care of the children, which means hard work without credit, so she should be a little more polite to them, at least treat them like guests, and still have the proper etiquette.
With the help of the mediator, Mr. Du realized his problem and was willing to apologize to his daughter-in-law. As for Li Min, she also felt that some etiquette was indeed not in place, and she apologized to her father-in-law.
Finally, the two old people left Zhengzhou and returned to their hometown. Xiaolong no longer stops him. If he misses his parents, he will call them and ask them how they are doing.
Li Min also said that she would also call her parents-in-law in the future to pay more attention to the two elderly people.
Conclusion:
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really complicated. Since there is no blood relationship to support it, many of them always regard the daughter-in-law as an outsider. No matter how good the daughter-in-law is, they can find faults. And their children, even if they have a lot of flaws, are still excellent in their eyes.
When the son is a little nice to his wife, they think that he is spoiling her. In fact, he is just an average nice person and cannot be said to be spoiled.
The fundamental reason for conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and between father-in-law and daughter-in-law is that they are afraid that their son will suffer a loss, and they always feel that their daughter-in-law is taking advantage of their son.
When Mr. Du saw his daughter-in-law eating eggs and rice noodles, but not her son, he thought that her daughter-in-law was selfish and ignored her son's food and drink. This thought was really speechless.Not to mention anything else, even if the daughter-in-law doesn't make one for her son, then his son can also make one for himself, and the eggs and rice noodles are not locked. They both work, and my daughter-in-law does not cook at home. Besides, Li Min asked Xiaolong if she didn't want to eat it because she didn't think of her husband.
In fact, whether it is eggs or rice noodles, these two things are trivial and there is no need to hold on to them. Mr. Du is too serious and a bit unreasonable.
People need to be reasonable, but the harmony of a family sometimes does not depend on being reasonable. Excessive reasoning can make the home no longer warm, and everything has its own limits. Reasoning for the sake of reasoning seems to have lost the essence of reasoning.
Of course, Xiaolong and Limin also have their own problems. Xiaolong overestimated his abilities. His parents had conflicts with his wife, and he tended to help his parents, causing the family to lose balance.
