No matter what stage of life you are at, the most worthy person to rely on is yourself.
Even though Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu were a loving couple like a couple of gods, in Mr. Yang Jiang’s later years, she was facing life alone, and no one could resist the destiny.
This 93-year-old man wrote a memoir about the life of a family of three and his mood when he was alone, and compiled it into a prose essay " We Three ".
The article contains the ordinary and daily life of Mr. Yang Jiang, Qian Zhongshu and their beloved daughter, as well as the heartache of the death of their husband and daughter. In the end, all this returns to the original peace of life, and the calm memories continue to warm Mr. Yang Jiang.
Too many people are busy all their lives, thinking that they can exchange for a relaxed and carefree old age life. But reality is always so cruel, and your precautions are not as good as its vicissitudes.
Different from the older generation’s concept of raising children to protect themselves from old age, modern people have gradually learned that they have to rely on themselves in their old age. But in fact, the elderly are trapped in the problem of "physical condition" and are helpless.
So some people proposed that they can stay in a group for elderly care, while others planned to go to a nursing home if they were unable to take care of themselves in their later years. But people's thoughts change according to time. In old age, is the ideal destination really a nursing home?
I saw a story about my grandma written by a blogger, Little L, on the Internet. L’s grandma suffered from cerebral thrombosis when she was in middle school and was paralyzed, but she could still walk around the house with a cane.
At that time, L's grandma was taken care of by her uncle and aunt for three meals a day, and she could take care of herself when going to the toilet. But as he grows older, his physical condition deteriorates.
Once, L's grandmother accidentally fell down while doing rehabilitation training. My uncle and aunt were a little scared. First, they were afraid of taking responsibility. Second, as they grew older, their physical condition was not very good.
Then, the whole family discussed the issue of taking care of the old mother. At that time, L's old aunt happened to be laid off, so she stepped forward to take over the work.
Grandma still lives with my uncle, while my aunt comes every morning and leaves at night. Because L’s mother has a job and doesn’t have enough time, she often buys things for the house.
Every weekend, everyone gathers together to party and take care of grandma. The atmosphere is very harmonious. Whenever this big family gets together, grandma smiles with great joy. When everyone leaves in the evening, grandma will reluctantly say that she will definitely come again next week.
If we continue to live like this, there will be warmth and joy in the ordinary, which is something that everyone can only ask for. But life is not a TV series, there is no script.
After about 4 or 5 years, gradually, grandma had problems with her stomach and teeth, and she could only eat soft food. In addition, grandma's self-care ability is getting worse and worse, and even her understanding and memory are not as good as before.
The main people who take care of my grandma are my uncle and my aunt. My uncle's health is getting worse and worse. My aunt sees her son going to college and facing marriage and other matters, and she really wants to go out to work and make some money.
There was no other way, so everyone held a family meeting again. No one can take care of grandma full time, but everyone still agrees with the matter of paying for it. So, the best result is to send him to a nursing home.
Several children talked together about how to choose a nursing home, how to share the expenses, how to allocate visiting time, etc. Grandma tried to interrupt several times, but failed.
After everyone discussed it, I asked grandma for her opinion. In fact, grandma knew in her heart that the decision-making power did not lie with her. But she still expressed her attitude with tears in her eyes: not going.
After some time, a nursing home was chosen. When her grandma was sent to the nursing home, she greeted the nurse cautiously and looked at the surrounding environment with trepidation.
When the family members were leaving, grandma shed tears, which was a kind of humility that she could not resist. The next day, the nursing home called. Indeed, grandma refused to eat, cried all night, and then developed a high fever.
There was another meeting at home, and L’s mother took the initiative to take grandma to her home. Since L’s mother was still at work, she was responsible for taking care of her at night.
However, the care during the day is still the responsibility of the aunt who has no job. L’s mother and uncle provide pension funds as wages for the aunt.
After experiencing a nursing home, grandma became more and more insecure. As long as there is no one in sight, he starts yelling, becomes picky about his food, and suddenly gets up in the middle of the night and makes a lot of noise, sometimes for an hour.
At that time, L was in the second semester of his sophomore year in high school, and his grandmother's condition had seriously affected his study and sleep. And my mother almost made a big mistake at work due to lack of energy.
There was no other way, so we found a better nursing home and sent grandma there. This time grandma did not cry or resist.
Seven days a week, each of the three children goes to the nursing home to spend one day with her, but there are still four days left when grandma has no one to accompany her. But compared to other people in the nursing home, grandma is often envied by others.
L said that when he went there, the TV in his grandma’s room was always on, playing an unknown TV series. But grandma's eyes did not fall on the TV, but sometimes looked at the ground, sometimes looked up at the window.
The nursing staff also do one thing in front of their faces and another behind their backs. The food in this relatively high-end nursing home is said to be mainly light, with almost no meaty taste. So much so that after my grandma ate the food they brought, she would have diarrhea due to gastrointestinal discomfort.
The nursing home staff said that they would ventilate regularly, but in fact, L asked his grandma and she stayed in the room almost every day. Grandma is getting thinner and thinner, and her legs are shrinking.
L's college entrance examination was over, and L's mother chose to retire two years early. Just like that, the family took grandma back. But at this time, grandma was completely bedridden and unable to get up.
Everyone still gets together every week to visit grandma. But grandma will never again joke with her children at the dinner table, pretend to be angry with her walking stick, gently slap her grandchildren on the buttocks, or even say that sentence when everyone leaves. Fixed line: Come back next week.
Less than a year later, L’s grandmother left. When she left, she held L’s mother’s hand tightly and called her children and grandchildren by their names. Although it was night, only L was beside her. My parents were there, and by the time others rushed over, it was already too late.
Sometimes it’s really sad to think about a person’s life, entrusting their retirement to their children, but most children have too much time to take care of themselves at that age. So really, you still have to have a good body.
If you don’t have good health, even if you have money, it will be difficult to live comfortably. There is no way we can blame these three children. They also spent their whole lives trying to survive.
People who have not experienced it may not understand the hard work of taking care of the elderly. It requires a lot of energy, physical strength and patience. But I also deeply understand the helplessness and fear of the old man in the article.
Cherish the time now and seize the moment. People have to endure hardships throughout their lives, and every family has its own scriptures that are difficult to recite. This life only lasts for a few decades, so don't strive for fame, fortune and money, just have enough.
When you can enjoy it, feel more about life. When you are healthy, give yourself more peace of mind. When people get old, in the final analysis, only health is the most important. Only with basic self-care abilities can we live with dignity.
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