It is trust that maintains marriage; and the loss of trust leads to the breakdown of marriage.
Meng Fei said something in the If You Are the One program: "Marriage must have love, it is impossible without love. But marriage cannot be just because of love, but more importantly, because of habits. Habits are a very valuable thing, Think about it, it is too easy for us to like someone of the opposite sex. Really. If I see a girl, I will like it. If I turn around and see another girl the next day, I may also like it. This is something deep in human nature. It can't be overcome. What's valuable is that when I got along with her and we had feelings, she became a habit with me. I couldn't live without this habit. At that time, when I entered marriage, It is relatively safe. "
Habit is a subconscious thing, which is what you think is the safest words and deeds formed in your mind. If you don’t believe me, think back. When you habitually say something or do something, you don’t think too much. Just say it like this and do it, and you will definitely get the results you want. Behind the
habit, there is actually the deepest trust - if you believe it deeply, you will not spend time thinking. This is not only human nature, it can be said to be the nature of all living things.
Trust is like money in a bank card. If both parties get along well, the level of trust is higher. If they don't get along well, it means consumer trust. When your actions, eyes, and words can convey enough accurate and sufficient information to each other, it means that you have a strong sense of trust. In contrast, these tacit understandings are also constantly deepening trust. But there will also be moments in life when points are deducted. Maybe the other person breaks their promise, maybe the other person doesn’t want to understand you anymore, maybe the other person makes you feel a little discouraged...
At these times, your "emotional bank" will be slowly depleted. trust in. And when trust is lost, you will always feel insecure because both parties no longer seem to do those reassuring habits. Even if nothing bad happens in your marriage, you will feel inexplicable panic. The tranquility and relaxation in your previous marriage are gone, replaced by anxiety and tension.
When a marriage is in crisis and trust no longer exists, the most important thing is to communicate honestly. After many couples lose trust, when faced with conflicts, they unconsciously put themselves and each other on opposite sides, showing a sense of disgust and wanting to shift all the responsibility to each other. But in fact, if two people want to continue living together, they should remain tolerant of each other and not be too busy throwing all the blame on each other.
This does not mean that you can immediately establish the same sense of trust as before.
It's like two people having a fight over betting on a football match, and then forgiving each other in the end.
It just means "OK, let's forget it this time, let's write it off", but it doesn't mean that the two people still want to be with each other the next time they watch football.
Its importance lies in the fact that in this way, two people try to digest the harm they caused to each other as much as possible, and are willing to continuously show each other their willingness to "I am still willing to accept you".
In this way, the two people still have the opportunity to continue to communicate and discuss the game, but at this time they must remain honest and treat each other sincerely. The more trust is lost, the more time and effort it takes to repair it, and the more sincere you are when giving, the greater the intensity of repair; if you continue to "repair the relationship," sooner or later these two people can sit back and watch football games together again.
In short, trust is the most important dimension in maintaining a marriage. In married life, everything should give way to trust. Once two people lose trust, no matter whether you are rich or charming, the marriage will no longer bring happiness to both parties. The final outcome can only be rupture.
and above, I speak human language @romance therapist NEMO. When your relationship is not going well, you might as well talk to me!
