Nina O'Neill said: "Trust is the most important quality shared by two people in a marriage relationship, and it is also indispensable for building a happy and growing relationship."
Trust is the cornerstone of a stable marriage, whether it is a man Both women hope that their other half will give them enough trust, but they can't stand that their other half is always suspicious, doubting themselves, and not trusting themselves.
If there is a lack of trust between you, and you feel that the other person is not well-intentioned in everything you do, and you always want to be wary of the other person, you will be tied up in many things and unable to do better. Furthermore, can you bear being treated as a thief all the time? Not to mention that this person is his pillow, even if a stranger is so defensive about him, it is unbearable.
However, in real life, it is not uncommon for husbands and wives to lack trust. Moreover, in families, in addition to the lack of trust between husband and wife, parents do not trust their children’s significant other and treat their children’s significant other as an outsider. Being on guard is even more common.
Especially when it comes to property issues, many parents are wary of their children's significant other and try every means to guard against them, lest they get divorced and their children lose all their money.
As the saying goes, you must not have the intention of harming others, and you must have the intention of guarding against others. It is understandable that you are worried that your property and your children's property will fall into the hands of others. However, if you are too wary of others, it will easily cause disputes and even ruin your life. Children's small family.
As Zhou Guoping said: "It is instinct to be picky about people close to you, but overcoming instinct and not being picky about people close to you is a kind of education."
"For my premarital room matter, my wife I had a quarrel with my parents, which gave me a huge headache. I think my wife's plan makes sense and is for the sake of our family, but my parents' concerns are also somewhat reasonable. Both sides are reasonable and refuse to give in to each other. "Then let me give them an explanation. I'm going to have a headache."
The reason why Mr. Wei's wife, Ms. Fang, had conflicts with her parents-in-law was because she felt that her parents-in-law did not trust her, even though she had been married for five years and had given birth to a child. She has a baby, and there is still one in her belly, and her parents-in-law are on guard against her.
01. I have been married to a man for 5 years and am planning to have a second child. Do my parents-in-law still need to be on guard against me?
It turns out that Ms. Fang recently made a suggestion to Mr. Wei, saying that she wanted to buy a larger house.
The house that Mr. Wei and his wife live in is not only small in size, with only two bedrooms, one living room, one bathroom and one kitchen. It is also located in the suburbs, making it inconvenient to go to work, especially for Ms. Fang. She has to sit for an hour to go to work. In the subway, the probability of encountering traffic jams is particularly high when driving.
"My daughter is already 3 years old and sleeps in a separate room. The baby in my belly will be born in a few months. When he grows up, won't he need a bedroom? Also, what is good around here? School? What should I do if the children go to school? "
My wife suggested selling this house as a down payment and buying a larger house in a school district, so that the couple can go to work and the children can study.
Ms. Fang knew that she had no say in buying the house, and her husband nodded, because this house was actually Mr. Wei's pre-marital property.
"When I was a junior in college, my parents sold the house in my hometown in the county and borrowed money to buy me this house in order to facilitate my marriage. Since my wife has a younger brother, my father-in-law and mother-in-law could not attend the wedding of their daughter. They gave us a lot of support and our income was not high at that time, so my wife did not ask to buy a house. She used the gift money to decorate it and use it as a wedding room.”
Mr. Wei felt that his wife was right, but he also found it inconvenient. , Furthermore, he has been married to his wife for five years, has a daughter, and his wife is about to have a second child. He has no suspicion about his wife. However, since this house was bought by his parents for himself, he must obtain his parents' consent before selling it, so Mr. Wei asked his parents for their opinions.
02. Parents-in-law: It’s not that we are guarding against you, but this is about millions. We have earned it by working for 25 years, so we can’t afford to gamble;
After hearing what their son said, Mr. Wei’s parents were very unhappy and called their son stupid. , believing that the daughter-in-law had evil intentions and wanted to transform her husband’s pre-marital property into joint property during the marriage.
"If she doesn't have this intention, okay, I promise you to sell the house, but the premise is that you let your wife write an IOU for the amount of money sold. If you are good, this IOU will naturally not exist. If If you have a falling out, I can find someone to collect the debt."
When these words reached Ms. Fang's ears, Ms. Fang felt unbelievable: "What? How much does it cost to pay for this? I've been married for five years and have children, but your parents are still on guard against me? Besides, why should I pay the IOU alone? According to them, if I pay the IOU, doesn't it mean that the down payment for the new house is too much? Did I pay for it by myself? "
After hearing what Ms. Fang said, Mr. Wei's parents became even more angry and unhappy. They thought that their daughter-in-law was unkind, and their attitude was very firm: "Your wedding room is ours. It was earned by working for 25 years. If you want to sell it, you must write an IOU, otherwise there will be no way. "
When Mr. Wei's parents bought this house, they spent 700,000. Not only did they use up their savings, but they also incurred debts. The old couple continued to work. They had to pay off the money, so this house is their largest asset.
"It's not that we are guarding against you, but this is about millions. We have worked for 25 years to earn it, so we can't afford to gamble. It's not that I think too much, the divorce rate is too high now, I have two children and then fall out. Aren’t there a lot of people out there?”
03. Man: My wife is right, my parents are right too, I am not a human being inside and out, what should I do?
"Husband, I am so wronged! I really think about this family and want my children to have a better living environment. Am I wrong? If I really don't want to live with you, why should I have two children? It’s been five years, why are my parents still on guard against me?”
“Son, this is millions. My parents have worked hard for decades to save it. It’s not that my parents are cautious, but there are too many such things. , I have to guard against it!”
My wife and parents are doing their own ideological work, hoping that I will be on the same stand as them, leaving Mr. Wei not knowing what to do.
In Mr. Wei’s opinion, they are both reasonable. He believes that his wife, who is about to give birth to his second child and has always had a good relationship, sincerely wants for this family. He is also willing to change to a bigger house and wants to give his wife and children a good living environment. , but he also knows that this house is too important, and the house is nothing else. It is normal for parents to be worried.
The day before yesterday, Mr. Wei's parents came to their son's house and still insisted on their attitude and urged their daughter-in-law to pay the IOU. Ms. Fang was so angry that she returned to her parents' home with her daughter in her arms and her pregnant belly.
"Now, my wife asks me to give an explanation, but my parents refuse to give in. What should I do?"
04. If you don't know how to consider each other, it will be difficult to make the family harmonious.
wrote in the book "Why Family Hurts People": "The key reason why it is difficult to understand between relatives is that we are accustomed to starting from our own coordinate system to speculate, speculate, evaluate and even criticize another person. But I completely forgot that the other party also has a phenomenon field and a coordinate system that is completely different from my own. "
It is easy for relatives to understand each other because they only consider their own feelings and ignore the feelings of the other person, and then have disagreements, and even more so. What about between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
If you don’t know how to consider each other, it will be difficult to make the family harmonious. Rather than insisting on each other's opinions, it is better to put yourself in someone else's shoes, think about the other person's ideas seriously, make concessions to each other, and come up with a plan that is mutually acceptable.
If you don't let me, I won't let you. I only know that if you quarrel, your marriage will be broken up sooner or later.
END.
Today’s topic: Do you have any good suggestions for Mr. Wei? Feel free to share your views in the comment area.
