1
Now I am in a dilemma. I am over 40 years old. I really don’t want to live in such a useless way. My heart is dead and my tears are dry. After giving birth to a child, I have long since given up my life. I don’t know where to go?
Jingshui saw this request for help in the tree hole. She was silent for 3 seconds and responded with 3 hugging expressions. We are both middle-aged women. I can understand her grief very well.
Over the years of consulting, I have lost count of how many similar cases I have received. The middle-aged woman who made herself useless after giving birth did not get in exchange for being understood, felt sorry for, and seen, but instead was complained about and ignored. Disliked, even cheated on.
Most of their mental journeys are like this, from sadness to grievance, from unwillingness to anger, from helplessness to numbness... and gradually lose themselves.
On the surface, this is a matter of lack of money and lack of love, but in fact, the inner energy is severely overdrawn. Although she has the will to change, she often gives up after thinking about it. She is like a fly lying on the glass, and the future seems bright. , In reality, we repeatedly hit the wall and can’t find a way out.
The above is the most realistic portrayal of this group.
2
Let’s talk about myself. I used to be an out-and-out resentful woman, but over the years, I shed tears and sweat and never gave up on myself.
Counting on the fingers, Jingshui Naked Ci is about to celebrate its 5th anniversary. How have these 5 years passed? If I could use one word to describe it, I think it should be a galloping dragon and a horse, moving forward with a heavy load.
I rarely give myself a holiday. The epidemic in Tianjin has been recurring this year. I have not been home to see my parents for 130 days.
No, the high school entrance examination was finally over in Dai Viet. I decided to take a long vacation for myself. It was called a long vacation. In fact, I didn’t have a moment of leisure. I met my best friend whom I hadn’t seen for a long time, and I also took the time to go to my former boss’s house, where I met for many years. Unseen colleagues.
I got a lot of inspiration after chatting with a former boss who admired me.
She said, when I was in the workplace, I couldn’t understand the behavior of some female employees. Why were they so insecure? I just saw her constantly struggling and working hard.
recently stepped down from the second line. After getting to know this group in depth, I discovered a heart-wrenching fact: when they got married, their parents’ families couldn’t afford a car, and their husband’s family couldn’t afford a house.
I used to think that the people around us were all the same as me. When we got married, my mother’s family bought a car and my husband’s family bought a house. After I gave birth to a baby, my mother’s family or my mother-in-law’s family helped to take care of the baby. Everything was natural. Why did they have such a difficult life? Woolen cloth?
After listening to her words, I couldn't help but sigh. There is really no one in this world who feels the same way. I said that after listening to your words, I remembered an ancient poem, why not eat minced meat? Of course, I am serious.
You are not her, and you will never understand her feelings. Life is unequal. The starting points are different, such as different origins. The quality of the parents themselves, the energy of the parents, the social status of the parents, including the wealth of the parents are all different. If they are different, how could our lives be the same?
3
In the past few years, Jingshui quit his business and got to know more and more excellent people. The outstanding people I found have a common characteristic. They rarely consume their energy internally. Time is very precious and they never chat. Every chat brings new insights.
My boss asked me, what do you think is your biggest growth, progress and gain in the past few years? I said it should be relatively free, but she said no. Your biggest gain should be your efforts, which have changed the sky and the environment for your children, from a third- and fourth-tier city to a first-tier city.
She said, I am now more and more aware that the reason why I can grow from an ordinary employee to a professional manager to a company executive is because our family has also experienced the hard work of three generations.
Starting from my grandma’s generation, although she was illiterate, she was a lady among the people and her cognition was very good. She successfully sent my mother and aunt to school and received higher education. Then I came to me This generation will naturally develop better based on their foundation.
This conversation really means a lot to me.
Yes, an excellent family requires the relay efforts of several generations.
Many women from ordinary backgrounds spend their lives in trivial matters every day, spinning in front of the pot, until one day, black hair comes out of the scalp, and she sighs, what have I done for most of my life.
So, women, in order not to have regrets in life, you must live a more blooming life.
How to make your life more and more blooming? Frankly speaking, I don’t want everyone to have doubts about “why not eat minced meat”, but there is one thing I firmly believe in.
That is, a woman who likes herself enough will continue to invest in herself, her brain, and herself to make herself beautiful, confident, and smart.
4
As teacher Zhang Qi said, the biggest investment in life is not investing in real estate or stocks at all, but investing in your own cognition. The difference between people depends on the part above the neck.
Your cognition, your pattern, and your thinking determine the difference between you and others.
How does cognition differ? For example, the books you have read, the things you have done, the roads you have traveled, and the people you have met will all form your cognition.
Children from first-tier cities and children from third- and fourth-tier cities make mostly different decisions when it comes to major decisions in life.
Because people who have seen the world, when making major decisions in life, they follow different patterns and occupy different positions.
So you have to work hard to make your decisions more accurate, you have to make your pattern higher, and you have to make your knowledge more transparent than others.
There is only one way, continuous learning and deliberate practice.
I still remember that some time ago, I wrote an article titled: The middle-aged woman who can’t make money with her skills. To the middle-aged woman who can’t make money with her skills. I said that some women are very valuable. It’s just that I can’t make money for the time being.
It was no surprise that a female doctor who was a die-hard fan came to announce the good news. She said, Teacher Jingshui, I have made money, and I have earned back the excess tuition fees.
You see how important the circle is. I remind everyone to choose to be with positive people, because complaining is contagious.
Also, choose to be with people who can help you grow, because a good relationship nourishes and achieves each other.
5
When I was sitting on the train home, I looked at the scenery and trees passing by outside the window, all the way from Tianjin, to the prefecture-level city where I lived for 16 years, to our small county town, and then to the place where I was born and raised. In my hometown in the countryside, my thoughts took me and I did a complete review.
Someone asked me, do you regret giving up the 185-square-meter flat floor and going to Tianjin to squeeze in the old and small?
I can responsibly say now that I have no regrets at all. If I say regrets, I just regret that it was too late for my decision.
This society has given women many opportunities to choose. Having a child is not the reason for you to be useless, but giving up on yourself is.
If you also want to improve your life with Jingshui, I welcome you with open arms.
Jingshui WeChat jingshuimm
I have written so much, and I hope it can bring inspiration to all sisters.
Attached is the chat between the sisters in the group and Jingshui:
Jingshui feels very proud. I have the ability to help more and more sisters monetize. This is my wish.
END
Author: Jing Shui, best-selling author, psychological counselor, family education instructor, 38-year-old naked words, one pen to write about the warmth and warmth of the world, to accompany you through loneliness, and has published the emotional inspirational best-selling book "Experienced the Pain of Dependence" , Toward the Beauty of Independence", "Only when a woman has the confidence to live a high-class life".
