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2p It has a great impact on our personality and psychology.
For example, people who lack companionship will gradually develop a solitary, sensitive and introverted personality; for example, they will experience frustration education and cannot get loved ones, and they will be more indifferent to feelings when they grow up; such as long-term People who lack love develop sticky and fearful attachment personality disorders in marriage.
Since I was young, I have been boarding with relatives and growing up, and I don’t get along with my parents much. My parents are absent at many important stages of my life, although this experience has allowed me to develop the ability to be self-reliant. , But my introverted personality and sensitive inferiority complex have also formed since then, and continue to affect my career and emotional life.
In the crowd, introverted, inferior, withdrawn... These kinds of problems are always used for discussion and prejudice, but we seem to seldom find the problem in essence and embrace the injured people.
It is true that we need to face psychological trauma with a developmental vision, but the disappointment and helplessness experienced since childhood are also taken seriously.
people who lack love,The heart is always controlled by various negative emotions. This is not their fault, but the lack of correct guidance, lack of companionship, and lack of healthy emotional outlook construction during the growth process, so they will continue to be troubled by them in adulthood.
Regarding the trauma of "lack of love", I think we need to re-examine and reshape ourselves from the three aspects of "past, present and future". We cannot decide our own birth, But we have self-motivation, we can have the consciousness of thinking to make changes.
01. Examine and accept past traumatic experiences, don’t just think of yourself as a victim
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0 The "Psychological Trauma Theory" points out that many of our psychological problems come from immature and unhealthy childhood experiences. Childhood is an important stage in the establishment of personality, but due to the experience of the original family, parental neglect, self-denial, and lack of guidance, those incorrect values will be absorbed by oneself, and over time, oneself will become introverted or withdrawn.
Talking about past traumatic experiences, it seems that most people are frustrated and helpless. They will complain about their experiences and lament their unhappiness. Although it is understandable to vent ourselves, in the face of past encounters, apart from complaining, we also lack the ability to think rationally.
Complaining blindly, blindly sad, will only keep oneself in a gloomy mood ,I will treat myself as a victim to seek comfort, but in the final analysis, I am still evasive and lack the opportunity to break through myself.
is like a lot of people who complain about this and that in real life. They share their misfortunes with everyone, trying to get everyone's encouragement and comfort, but then? On the surface, you can get the attention of others, but in fact it is still a self-deception behavior, unable to build confidence in the heart.
is just like Dazai Osamu . The lack of parental love and maternal love in his childhood made him develop a lonely and sensitive personality. In order to get the attention of people around him, he relied on Shuabao to pretend to be a clown to win the favor of others, but this made him lose himself more and more, and finally lived in depression, abandoned his life, and hurriedly ended his life.
In fact, everyone’s experience is always biased and thorny. No one has a smooth life, and some traumas cannot be avoided. This is very helpless. But the most important thing is in the final analysis. Instead of sadness, it is better to step over the thorns to pave the way for a new beginning.
02. Find the goal of self-planning and don't waste yourself with a depressed attitude.
Everyone will behave differently in the face of past injuries.
A mature person who knows how to grasp the present, will use past experience as an incentive or warning, so as to constantly strive to get rid of a bad situation. People who are sensitive and inferior will always stay in the pain of the past, they will be dragged to uselessness, and in the end they will do nothing.Was wasting the years.
We always think that our birth and family background restricts our life trajectory, but we do not realize that it is not reality that weeds out ourselves, but that we are too passive and treat ourselves as a victim to live.
Life is unavoidable, and the negative life can only limit our opportunities.
In "The Life of the Disgusted Pine Nut", Song Zi was not taken seriously by her father since she was a child. She deeply rooted this psychological trauma in her heart and misled her life. She obviously became a teacher, but because she was looking forward to being loved too much, she put her happiness in the hands of a man. She thought she was happy to have the love of her partner, but in the end? She was deceived, used, let down, and ended her life hastily.
Looking at it from another perspective, Matsuko is capable of self-reliance, but she gave up. She had too many fantasies about love because of lack of love, and finally lost herself in that unrealistic vision. Examples of
reflect the same in our lives. Some people blindly pursue love in an attempt to make up for the trauma of childhood, but in the end they are hurt by this hopeless daydream, and the gains outweigh the gains.
In fact, in the final analysis, happiness is in my own hands is in the moment.A capable person has the courage to face problems directly and has the opportunity to obtain happiness, but many people ignore this, deny themselves, and give the initiative to others.
03. Expanding cognitive ability: improve horizons and relax the mind
This is not to build self-cognition ability in the article. A simple point of view thinking, but requires our ability to be rooted in our hearts.
Self-awareness is a recognition and respect for oneself. A person who has the ability to think rationally and comprehensively will look at problems with a broad perspective, will not be complacent, and will not confine himself to a small thinking cage.
For example, a person with a "victim theory" who does not know how to reshape himself will leave his cognitive ability in his past experiences, and his world is full of pain and painful memories . At this time, let him learn to go outside and break through, and he will be very resistant, feel that others are confusing him, and think that no one understands him.
Actually, in essence, he still restrained himself, so he couldn't get out.
Such problems are quite common.
When we face an unhappy marriage, we feel that everything is wrong, but few people can find the essence of the problem to make improvements; when we are suffering from the loss and the loss of our relationship, we will not dare to love. Attributed to the past experience of lack of love,In the end, he acquiesced to the trauma and avoided expressing himself.
We always regard ourselves as victims, escaping, complaining, and our life loses its color. Over time, we become accustomed to it and ruin ourselves.
Actually, you see, this is the result of a lack of expansion thinking. Always confined to a certain problem, you can't learn to adjust, you can't escape from learning, and in the end, you deeply bind yourself.
Trauma cannot be avoided, and unfortunate experiences cannot be changed, but we can create new beginnings to fill our lives.
Rather than complain about being unhappy and not being loved, it is better to reinvent yourself and plan early. Those who are capable and thoughtful will not give up easily.
What do you think?
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.I’m Beixun. I’m a post-90s writer, write heartfelt text and interpret my emotional life. If you like my article, please follow me @北Xun Emotion
