A 67-year-old retired old man, Mr. Zhong, lives with his son and daughter-in-law, and his family of three. In the eyes of others, he enjoys his son's filial piety, but in reality he lives a miserable life. Uncle Lin said: "Many children's companionship and elderly care are not really filial, but are dependent on their parents!" Why is the companionship and elderly care for their children considered to be dependent on their parents in disguise? Let’s listen to Mr. Zhong’s story below.
Narrator: Uncle Zhong, 67 years old
I am a single old man, and my wife passed away 8 years ago.
My wife and I had a son and a daughter. They both got married very early, and they all got married in their early 20s. So my wife and I became grandparents and became a new generation of "left-behind elderly people" under 50 years old.
The couple live together. The children will only come back during the holidays. At that time, we were still at work, so we didn’t think there was anything wrong with this. If we don’t live with our children, we don’t have to help them take care of their children. We are busy working every day, and do whatever we want when we get home from work, and live freely.
However, after my wife passed away 8 years ago, my comfortable life was disrupted. Life alone is very troublesome, food is difficult to cook, lonely and no one speaks, and the house is deserted, which makes people feel very depressed, especially after retirement at the age of 60, doing nothing every day, which really makes people live a torment of life.
At that time, I mentioned to my son that he wanted to live with him, but his son rejected me and said that the big city was very chaotic and was not suitable for my life. In fact, I knew this was an excuse because my daughter-in-law butler, my son's family was living in the family at that time, and naturally I couldn't move in.
But I was not disappointed, because there were a bunch of elderly people living separately from their children, some of whom were plagued by illnesses and those who needed their children's companionship and care for them were still living alone. So think about myself, being healthy, able to eat and drink is much more comfortable than them, and this mentality is balanced.
When living alone, I try my best to find the most comfortable lifestyle, saving money while finding employment. I found a security job, and I spent 10 hours a day during the day, rested for two days a month, and my salary was 1,800 yuan, which was just enough for my monthly meal expenses. I use the monthly pension of more than 4,000 yuan to deposit it in the bank. I occasionally take out some money to travel, or invite someone to have a meal or sing a song to have fun, but most of them mainly save money.
Although I have a job, I have something to do, and I have money to save, the older I get, the more I fear loneliness. Especially when I see those elderly people who live alone at home like me, suddenly die of illness at home, I feel panic. I am really afraid that one day I will have an accident at home, no one knows, and I will leave silently, how painful it will be.
I am increasingly looking forward to getting support from my son. Even though it is said that "raising a child is difficult to prevent old age", I still hope to live with my son so that I can get some care. Just when I was full of expectations, my son's phone call made me ecstatic.
At the end of the fourth year after my retirement, my son suddenly called and said that they were going to move back home. Without any detailed reasons, he asked me to clean up the house. They came back for the Chinese New Year at the end of the year and stopped leaving. The eldest grandson also moved back here to study in high school. At that time, I didn't ask questions, just thought they would be fine if they came back, so I wouldn't be alone.
That year was the happiest time after my wife passed away. My son and his family were no longer like in previous years. They came back on New Year's Eve, but they left on the second day of the New Year. That year, my son came back from the 25th day of the year and never left again. I made me full of blood in the whole holiday. I served them obediently and I fired them.
However, after the festival and gradually understanding the reason why my son came back, I was a little overjoyed. I thought my son came back this time because I was old, and then came back to accompany me to support me. Even if it wasn't for me to support me, I should have wanted to take care of me. However, when my son and his family came back, they had other needs.
Just after the New Year, the daughter-in-law said she was pregnant and stayed at home to take care of her baby and didn’t go to work. Her son found a class nearby, but she didn’t earn much money, and she only earned more than 6,000 yuan a month. He changed his own car loan, which was just right.As for my eldest grandson, because of the transfer of school, he stayed at home and waited for the transfer of classes in August.
In this way, the family expenses become burdensome. The whole family needs at least 3,000 yuan in food every month, especially the daughter-in-law. They have to eat good food every day, and my son can't get much money to me every month. I have to spend more than 4,000 yuan in a month.
At first I thought it was nothing like this. Anyway, I saved 20,000-300,000 yuan, and I am not afraid of having no money to spend it. Besides, my son and daughter-in-law spent my money on time. After the child is born, the couple should be able to work normally, and by then there will be no need to spend all my money.
Who knew that after my grandson was born, I not only became the nanny for the whole family, but also their "money tree". The salary my son earns cannot be seen.
The daughter-in-law is active. She threw the child to me for care in 4 months. She went to work by herself and got some money back every month, but it was only more than 1,000, which was only enough for the child to eat, drink, defecate and urinate. Moreover, the eldest grandson's transfer fee is more than 30,000 yuan, which is also paid by me, and I also received the weekly living expenses.
So, after my son and his family came back, I seemed to be accompanied and enjoyed the warmth of the family, but my old capital was gradually decreasing.
Some people will question why I won’t refuse. After all, my son and his parents are already adults and parents, so why do I still spoil it so much?
To be honest, I have also rejected it, but my son’s sweet words really made me unable to refuse. Every time I say I will pay first, and when he gets paid or gets the year-end bonus, he even boasts that if the house outside is sold, he will be returned to me at one time.
The same is true for my daughter-in-law. She speaks good things in my ear every day, and praises me so embarrassed that I refuse. My eldest grandson is also very good at asking for money. When I ask for money, she calls her grandfather very beautifully. Everyone says that when you encounter such children and grandchildren, do you have the heart to not give money?
And I also think my son is still very reliable. Compared with many elderly people in their neighbors, no matter how rich they have, they don’t have children to accompany them or be filial, but I have my son and family to accompany them to support them, so the money is still worth it. Besides, my son’s house is worth a lot of money. If he really sells it, he will definitely give me some money. Even if he doesn’t give it to me, he will support it. The spending is still the money of his family.
Until last year, a relative suddenly told me that my son lost a lot of money in stock trading a few years ago, and he actually sold the house outside. This time, he came back, but he couldn't afford it outside. I was shocked when I heard this news. I always thought that my son was homesick or was at home alone, so I chose to move back to live with my whole family. But this is the reason.
No wonder over the years, even though I nag my son, he seems not as rebellious and resistant as before. His daughter-in-law has changed her domineering behavior, followed me in everything, and took the initiative to do laundry and cook. Whenever my grandson disrespects me, they will deal with it very seriously.
Now think about it, this kind of improvement is probably to please me and let me pay for my family, right?
But even if I know my son has such an intention, I can't resist, because they are really down and out. Now they have a second child and their eldest grandson is still studying. I don't share some responsibility, so I can't help but feel sorry for it. So, now I live more tormented than being alone at home. I have to help my family of four every day and pay for the rest of my life. I just have to save it without much money, but I also make myself very tired.
Although I have received the company of my son and daughter-in-law, I have lost a lot of the freedom and money I need in my later years.
So, the companionship and elderly care of many children at present is not really filial piety, but a disguised leniency. I believe many parents are experiencing it like me. Some parents who have just started experiencing it don’t agree with it and think it’s a kind of happiness.
But after a long time, the money in our hands has been chewed almost all, so we worked hard at that time, especially when we have something to spend money to treat, and we don’t have much money in our hands and rely on our children. We will collapse.
has said so much, do you have any good ways to solve this kind of companionship and disguised reliance on your parents? Everyone is welcome to pay attention to the discussion.
Duye Zhong
