Actually, my husband and I have known each other for 16 years, and we decided to get together in 2013. We have experienced many ups and downs, and it has not been a smooth journey.
But I have never felt so chilled.
Perhaps I have experienced too much this month. I first experienced the pain of childbirth and gave birth to our daughter, and then accompanied my daughter to fight against jaundice during the recovery process. Before the jaundice subsided, we all became infected with the foreign children. If there is a limit to pain, I am afraid that this month will overdraw the pain for many years to come. But I didn't get the care I deserved, and this may become the knot of my life ~
One day I was lying on the sofa, thinking to myself that this was the person I desperately wanted to marry. This family was the family I was so determined to choose. It was all my own choice, so now I can only bear the influence they have brought, and I can't accept it with any room.
All the changes actually started when my mother-in-law came to my house after the National Day holiday this year. In the past, when my mother-in-law was away, my husband was very diligent and responsible. But since my mother-in-law came, he seems to be a different person. He no longer cooks, no longer cleans, no longer worries about housework. He just lies on the sofa every day after get off work.
I didn’t need him when I didn’t have children, and I didn’t feel anything after that. But when my daughter Mi Le came into our lives, I realized the seriousness of the problem. I couldn’t see any joy or sense of responsibility as a father in him. He almost treated the children as toys. After work, he would go into the bedroom to play with the children, pinch his face, touch his hands, and then go out to watch TV and play with his mobile phone. He almost no longer had any contact with the children before going to bed.
I thought at first that he was not used to this change of identity. I wanted to give him time, and I didn’t want to cause any conflicts during the confinement period.
Until he came to our house and killed me, my husband and my mother-in-law on the same day, I broke the illusion in my heart and no longer wanted to make excuses for him. It was not that he was not used to being a father, he only loved himself. Anger and grievance spread in every cell of my body like the air I inhaled.
When I found three people with fever at the same time in the morning, the situation at home was like this. My mother-in-law collapsed quickly and lay directly on the bed, needing tea and water. She also refused to take medicine and eat, saying that she was sick and uncomfortable. My husband directly moved his quilt and pillow to the living room, saying that he had the virus and could not infect the baby? Don't I?
That's it, no matter how high my fever is or how much the baby cries, they never show up in this room again on the first day. Especially at night, when I have a high fever, I don't know how high my fever is, but I have to insist on coaxing and holding the baby. Because there was no one standing behind me to help me.
The fever lasted until the next morning. They both got better after a night's rest, but my mother-in-law still locked herself in the room and my husband was still lying in the living room. During lunch, my mother-in-law found that I was still having a fever. She stood directly at the door of the room and asked me, "Why do you still have a fever? What's going on?" I want to say that if you stay up all night to take care of your child while you are sick, can you still ask this? I don't want to say anything more about my mother-in-law status. After all, I don't have any expectations. But my husband, the person I trust with all my heart, never helps me, which is very sad.
I found him, and I said I can’t go on like this, I can’t let myself go through it, even if you take care of her in the first half of the night, I can take care of you in the second half of the night. But he said, if you are alone here, it will be one share of the virus, and if I take care of it, it will be two shares of the virus, which is not good for the baby. After that, I walked to the living room and lay down, leaving me alone in the bedroom looking at my baby who was not yet one month old and was crying without tears. I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to for help, so I could only put on a mask and continue to take care of the baby.
Just like this, on the second night, I had a fever for two days and one night, and I had a high fever again. I had such a fever that I had a double world, but my husband would only say that you should take medicine, and you would not listen to me when I told you to take medicine to sweat. I...? ? Who doesn't want to sweat? I just lay under the quilt and felt a little sweaty. The baby cried and no one came in to comfort her. Am I also hiding under the quilt and being a coward?
I really can’t understand why a good husband would undergo such a big change at a critical moment. In such an environment, he infinitely magnified his discomfort and completely ignored me and the baby. He was completely different from the careful and gentle person he used to be. Even if they don’t take care of me, my mother-in-law and husband also turn a deaf ear to their own children, which is shocking!
After our fever got better, the 20-day-old baby still couldn't escape and began to have a high fever. That night, my husband and mother-in-law no longer avoided hiding. They appeared together in the bedroom, looking anxious, but they were just looking at it. Apart from physical cooling, there was no other way for such a young child to cool down. What a good idea, but the two of them only know how to give instructions, but never take action to cool down the child. Every time they come in, they ask like leaders, "Did you wipe her body? Did you take her temperature? What should I do if the temperature doesn't keep cooling?" After not sleeping for several days and being weak, I was close to collapse when I heard such words. I really wanted to shut up their mouth about the instructions!
However, they thought they were very useful and made a decision that surprised me. They said they had to take turns taking care of the children at night, so they took turns sleeping. I thought I had finally enlightened and could no longer care for myself, but the happiness came too quickly, and the slap in the face came too quickly. First, my mother-in-law went to bed, and after she came back from her sleep, my husband said: Now that you are back, I will go to bed! After working on it for a long time, they took turns, but I kept insisting. No one can understand how I took hypnotic cold medicine and struggled with the drowsiness caused by the medicine while worrying about my child's high fever. This feeling will never be forgotten in this life.
Before I had children, I had such unrealistic fantasies about this man and this family. In fact, it’s time to wake up from the dream and burst the bubble.
In these days, there were so many things that I didn’t even have time to regret. Until the situation stabilized, I began to sort out my emotions. I put down the child and ruined the child’s life. I picked up the child and blocked my own life. Looking at the child who was just one month old in my arms, I felt mixed emotions!
