Hello everyone, I am a gifted scholar. Today we talk about a cognitive problem, which is to tell everyone: when there is a problem in the marriage, how should we judge whether to save it? I will give you a specific standard. What does this look like? For example, if we have a disease, we will also ask the doctor: Can I still be saved? How to save it?
Then think about it, if you ask the doctor this question, how will the doctor answer you? He will involve two questions: one is at the level of will. If you think about it yourself, do you want to save it? The second thing is that you have to think well, if you want to save, you will have to waste the people and money, you have to spend a lot of energy, you have to endure the pain of surgery, and so on. What is the second one? On the technical level, I would like to say that a doctor who can treat it will also tell you how likely this is?
So today the teacher is a psychological counselor, marriage counselor, this kind of professional perspective tells you, from the technical level, how should we judge? In fact, there is only one standard. Everyone remembers two sentences: things that are related to you should be saved, and things that are not related to you do not need to be saved. What does that mean?
Let me give you an example to substitute. For example, I ask you if there is domestic violence in a marriage, do you want to save it? At least more than 90% of people will definitely say: What else does that B have saved? Family B has only zero and countless times, and they feel that they are not saved. But if you use the two sentences the teacher just said, the standard is not necessarily. For example, if this man, what is the reason for his family B? He is the kind that is usually good, and then after drinking alcohol, he has a tendency to beat people, and he wants to beat you inexplicably. Does this kind of family B reason have anything to do with you? Basically no. Do you want to save it? Basically not used.
If it is of that kind, for example, you are arguing with him, you will arouse him: Why are you hitting me? Then you hit me, if you don't hit me, you are not caused by a man. There is his problem in it. He is overly emotional and uncontrollable. Do you have any questions? Is it true?Does the reason for this family B have anything to do with you? Yes, if it matters, do you want to save it? want. Because of your problem, if you don't solve it, even if you are with others, it will be the same. So when we have our own problems, we have to save them.
Let me give another example. For example, if a man marries you, you ask him why he married you? He tells you: It's because my mother likes you very much and thinks you can live a good life. After a few more years, he wants to marry you L because he thinks his mother doesn't like you like this. Do you want to save your marriage? Basically not used. It has nothing to do with you, you are still the same you, but his mother doesn't like you.
Secondly, he is too influenced by his mother. He is a complete mommy, controlled by his mother, and has no relationship with you, so you don't need to save it.
Let me give another example, this may be a bit more complicated. For example, there is a man who has chased you for several years before you agree to marry him, because you are better, you didn't like him at the time, and then you married him. After getting married, in fact, in your heart, you always feel that he is not worthy of you, and that you occupy a high position of affection. But there was a problem. When he was middle-aged, he suddenly became rich. He had a Q, and then he had a G. Such a situation, do you want to save it? Then the teacher will not talk about this answer, you can also put it in our comment area and talk about your analysis. If your own marriage is not allowed, do you want to save it? Or don’t know how to save it? You can go to my homepage to send a private message to the teacher, see you in the next issue.
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