In countries around the world, mothers-in-laws can basically be divided into two types, one is to target the son-in-law with some hardware conditions that must meet the standard; the other is to hold the view that "daughter happiness is more important than other things", such as Japan Mother-in-law.
Cheng Hui, a handsome Chinese man who studied in Japan, is a lucky son-in-law. He did not spend money to marry a wife, even did not buy a house, and his mother-in-law never interfered in the "internal affairs and diplomacy" between him and his wife, and she envied the group of him who was anxiously jumping for the wedding house in China...
The mother-in-law who doesn’t need a house ticket
A few years ago, I came to the capital of Hokkaido, Japan alone, , Sapporo, and studied at the Hokkaido University of Machinery Design and Manufacturing. After graduation, I stayed in Japan and worked for a multinational company in Tokyo .
There, I met my female colleague Yoshida Yumi, a cute and beautiful Japanese girl. Yumi knows a little Chinese. Every time she meets her, she always lowers her head shyly and greets me softly in Chinese, which makes my heart fascinated.
Half a year later, we have developed from colleagues to couples, and we both feel good with each other. During the Spring Festival that year, I brought Yumi back to China. Not only my parents, but even some picky relatives and friends praised Yumi and said to me: "Xiaohui, hurry up and marry this girl."
One afternoon,My parents specifically avoided Yumi and asked me about housing prices in Tokyo. I told them the truth that high-rise residential housing prices in Shinjuku, Tokyo cost RMB 50,000 to 60,000 per square meter.
In an instant, the expressions of the old couple changed in an instant, and they sighed that Japan is expensive and houses are more expensive. I know what my parents are worried about. I want to get a wife and buy a house first in China. Both of my parents are ordinary wage earners, so facing such expensive housing prices in Tokyo, they are naturally daunted.
One night before returning to Japan, my parents pulled me into their room and gave me a bank card. Mother said to me earnestly: "There are 600,000 in this card, which is all of my and your father's savings. Go back and quickly buy a house with a loan, and come to the door to pick it up. This matter is settled."
looked at this heavy card, thinking that my parents would spend their whole life frugally, and have broken my heart for the whole life, tears of gratitude and self-blame kept rolling in my eyes.
After that, I decided to go to Yumeijia to propose marriage. According to Chinese custom, I bought a lot of gifts, including precious tea for future father-in-law, jade bracelet for future mother-in-law, and diamond ring for marriage proposal.
When I got dressed up and came to Yumi's house uneasy to explain my intentions, Yumi's parents were not as excited as I had imagined. This made me a little nervous. Are they dissatisfied with the gift?
The thrilling visit is finally over. Before leaving the house, Yumi's mother Yuko returned the gift I had brought back.She said to me earnestly and earnestly: "You and Yumi are in charge of your marriage. I will sincerely bless Yumi's choice. Please don't bring such expensive gifts in the future. We will buy what we need ourselves."
Yumi’s words made my face red, so I had to take the returned gift and go home griefly.
Afterwards, Yumi told me that when visiting father-in-law in Japan, you only need a simple gift to express your feelings. If you give too much, it will make the other parent think that you dislike their poor family, like selling your daughter. same. I am very self-blame for my rudeness. After going there several times, I will carefully select a few fruits or a handful of flowers.
Unexpectedly, these cheap gifts make Yumi’s mother even more happy.
The marriage of Yumi and I are gradually on the agenda, but the house has not been finalized yet because I really can't get the down payment for the house. So I mustered up the courage and came to Yumi’s house, wanting to explain to the two elders whether I can buy a house two years later and rent a house for marriage first.
What shocked me was that when I heard that I was going to buy a house to get married, Yumi and his parents were shocked. Especially Yumi’s mother asked incredulously: “Why do you have to buy a house for marriage? Isn’t it good to rent a house? You are renting separately now. When you get married, renting together, isn’t it economical and affordable?” I was stunned. Live, there is such a good mother-in-law in the world, no house, no ticket, I heard it right?
after getting married,After Yumi explained, I realized that more than 90% of young people in Tokyo are unwilling to be house slaves, so they are willing to rent and get married first, and then consider buying a house when they have money. Yumi also secretly told me that her father, Ichiro Yoshida, did not borrow to buy his first house until he was 40 years old.
Without the pressure of buying a house, and without the pressure of betrothal gifts, I easily married Yumi back home. When those domestic buddies who had grown up to get married heard about my zero-cost marriage, they all gave me 32 likes to this Japanese mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law who is afraid of trouble
Because I am grateful to my mother-in-law, I asked Yumi for a "bowl of soup distance" when choosing a rental location after marriage. I told her that this is the most reasonable and beautiful distance. It refers to the children sending a bowl of soup to the elderly’s residence from their own homes. When they arrive at the elderly’s home, the hot soup will not become cold due to the temperature drop.
Because China advocates family care and respect for the elderly, the children's residence should not be too far away from the residence of the elderly, so that the children have their own world and can take care of the elders conveniently, so we are in the community where the mother-in-law lives Rented a house in here.
After marriage, Yumi did not resign as a full-time housewife like most Japanese women, but continued to work. I also support her very much and think that she should work hard while she is young. Due to busy work, we rarely go back to our mother-in-law's home.
Until more than three months after the marriage, Yumi was sent to Osaka for a business trip.I didn't want to cook by myself after get off work, so I went directly to my mother-in-law's house. I think this is a very common thing in China. Going back to your mother-in-law's home should be similar to going back to your own home.
The mother-in-law was surprised to see me come to eat rice, but she didn’t say anything, but politely prepared me with exquisite and delicious meals. I was very satisfied with the meal. Thank you for it. Back to his little home. After get off work the next day, I still went to my mother-in-law’s home to eat a meal alone.
However, this time, the mother-in-law did not warmly welcome me. Instead, she coldly said to me: "Why do you always come to my house without making an appointment in advance?" I was stunned when I heard it, so I whispered: " If Yumi was not at home, I would have thought of having a meal with you alone..."
I thought my mother-in-law would relax and invite me in warmly for dinner, but she stood at the door and said solemnly: " Sorry, it is not convenient for me to entertain you now. Please solve the problem of eating by yourself. Next time I invite you to make an appointment in advance." But thinking that she was an elder, it was not easy to refute, so she had to suffocate and leave. I secretly vowed that I would never step into the door of this careful mother-in-law again.
Two days later, Yumi returned. When I told her my grievance of being closed-door with my mother-in-law, she laughed. She said that in Japan, as mothers-in-law, their duty is to take good care of their husbands, and they have no obligation to take care of their son-in-laws.
After listening to my wife’s explanation,I breathed a sigh of relief, otherwise I thought my mother-in-law had an opinion about herself.
After this incident, Yumi and I no longer disturb our mother-in-law's life easily. When visiting on New Year's and holidays, I will make an appointment by phone in advance. Although I feel a little alienated, after all, each has its own life, and they are all in peace.
But it didn't take long for Yumi to become pregnant. I couldn't help but let her resign and go home to have a baby in peace. Unfortunately, during that time, I was very busy with work and did not have time to take good care of the pregnant Yumi. So I had to call my mother-in-law again and again to ask her to take care of Yumi, accompany her in the birth check, and make her some nutritious food.
At the beginning, the mother-in-law agreed very eagerly, but after more times, the mother-in-law was not happy, and she said, "How can you be a pregnant wife? Throw it to me? This should be your responsibility." I was very angry, thinking about this if it was in China, any mother would not feel sorry for her daughter, but the Japanese mother-in-law is really incredible.
I dare not tell Yumi what my mother-in-law said, for fear of her sadness. I told my colleague Yuhe Miura about my views on my mother-in-law during the overtime dinner party that day. After hearing this, I didn’t expect that Yuhe not only disagreed with my opinion, but also refuted me: “Of course it is your responsibility for the mother-in-law to give her daughter to you. How can I use work as an excuse to avoid it?"
I was stunned. The Japanese thoughts were really different from mine. Fortunately, Youhe told the company's leaders about my wife's pregnancy, and the company gave me leave to accompany my wife for a pregnancy check-up very humanely.
In March, Yumi gave birth to her daughter, Xianghoko. Due to geographical and language relations, my parents returned home after taking care of them for a period of time. The mother-in-law still rarely comes to our side. The responsibility of taking the children rests with Yumi. In addition to taking care of the children, Yumi also cooks and handles the housework. I feel very distressed.
Whenever I show that I want to call my mother-in-law to come and help with the child, Yumi will stop it. She said that raising children is our own responsibility, and the mother’s responsibility is to take care of the father. When my daughter Xiang Suozi grows up and gets married one day, she will not help, she will only take care of me wholeheartedly. I think this is the unique culture of Japan, and mothers-in-laws are afraid of trouble.
Invisible mother-in-law
When I was depressed about having an indifferent Japanese mother-in-law, an accident made me very moved.
Once, I had a small accident at work and broke my leg. Seeing that Yumi had to take care of the injured me and the children, I had no choice but to invite domestic parents to help. What is surprising is that at this time the mother-in-law came forward and took the child back to her home so that Yumi could take care of me wholeheartedly.
Not only that, she also gave us a sum of money, saying it was for my treatment. I was so moved that I didn't know why, why did that troublesome mother-in-law become so amiable overnight?
The mother-in-law seemed to see my doubts,He smiled and said to me: "It should be your responsibility, I won't help, but if Yumi encounters difficulties, I will do my best to help her. Because she is my daughter and I love her."
I was very moved by what my mother-in-law said. Three months later, my legs are completely healed and I can go to work as usual. Within a few days, the mother-in-law sent Xiang Suizi back, and after kissing Xiang Suizi, she walked away gracefully.
We have returned to an independent life with children, simple and busy. Without the help of my mother-in-law, although I had a hard time, I found that my living ability has improved a lot and my sense of responsibility has become stronger. Not only did I learn to cook and take care of children, but I also helped Yumi with housework.
is so touched by beauty, because many Japanese men don't help their wives with housework. They think this is what a full-time housewife should do, and they are only responsible for making money. But I am Chinese, and Chinese traditional culture has nurtured me. The husband should be considerate of his wife and take care of his family.
In addition, I work alone at home, so I take my work very seriously, and I work hard, and I was promoted to section chief within half a year. At this time, I realized that all this was due to the "fear of trouble" mother-in-law. Without her deliberate training, how could I be today?
But young couples live, always encounter tongue-to-teeth fights, and Yumi and I are no exception. Especially after having a child, life becomes trivial and there are more contradictions.
once,After working overtime, my colleague and I went to the bistro to relax. Unexpectedly, I drank too much when I was happy, and forgot to ask Yumi for leave, and didn't go home all night. When I got home the next day, I was very angry with Yumi, who was so obedient to me, and ran back to her parents after a big fight with me.
When I saw Yumi ran back to her family's house, I was amazed that the event was not good. If you let your father-in-law and mother-in-law know, a small thing will turn into a big one. I'm definitely unavoidable to be scolded and complained by my mother-in-law and father-in-law, and I feel uneasy thinking about it.
What surprised me was that the mother-in-law came back with Yumi that night. Instead of accusing me, she kept saying sorry to me, causing me trouble and so on. I was simply flattered, and Monk Zhang Er couldn't figure it out.
It turns out that in Japan, no matter how conflicts occur between the daughter and the son-in-law, the mother-in-law will think that the daughter-in-law is wrong and cause trouble to the son-in-law, so she will take the initiative to apologize. They will even teach their daughters to get rid of their own shortcomings and be a perfect wife. This is the key to firmly grasping their husband's heart. Soon, Yumi and I were reconciled as before.
Having lived in Japan for so many years, I really understand what a mother-in-law means to her son-in-law, that is, an "invisible person" who does not interfere with her daughter's marriage, does not take care of her life, and does not even appear frequently in.
Nowadays, my Japanese mother-in-law and I have been keeping a proper distance. Every time I meet in the community, we will greet each other politely. I think, probably in Japan, this is the most comfortable distance between mother-in-law and son-in-law!
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