Has there ever been a moment when you hated your child so much?
A mother posted a "cry for help" on the Internet late at night. She said:
"Although I am a mother, I hate my children. Sometimes when my children are stubborn with me, I wish I could never ignore them.
Every time the child goes to live with my grandparents, I hope that the child will not come back so that I can be clean. Am I mentally ill? ”
What I didn’t expect was that under this “help post”, many mothers who “sympathized with the same problem” commented that they had also had such thoughts.
For a long time, mothers have given the public the impression that they are the people who love their children the most, and are also the most selfless and great characters. The empowerment of maternal love makes the image of mothers loving and positive. How can there be a situation of "hating children"?
Moreover, once the thought of "hating children" flashes in our brains, reason will bring you into "hate" back to reality: "No, that is the flesh that fell from your body, ten Baby, how can you hate him? "
So, there will be two black and white villains in your body, controlling you. Sometimes you will fall into self-blame, and sometimes you will fall into hate. It looks like a "smart person". What's going on?
In today’s article, we will talk about the inner problems that trouble many mothers and are difficult to talk about.
I hate children, am I a bad mother?
It may be you, or it may be someone around you. There are actually not a few mothers who have "child-hating emotions" .
I have a best friend. Now that I think about it, she may belong to the "child-hating clan". Recalling our chat a long time ago, she said:
"I always thought that I must be a mother who loves her children very much. After becoming a mother, I discovered that I am really not a good mother!"
Best friend's complaints
"When I was pregnant, the whole family circled around me. After giving birth, they started to circle around the child again. I am not a child-bearing machine. What? I completed my task after giving birth, and they started to ignore me!"
"When my baby was young, I couldn't sleep all night long. My hair was falling out a lot, and my mood was unstable. One night, I finally fell asleep, and the baby woke up, started crying, and pulled my hair. I collapsed at the time. Why was he always looking for me? I yelled, and then the child's father started to be aggressive with me, saying that the child is still young, why are you yelling, isn't it just to work hard? I really wanted the baby and him to disappear! "
" I also found I am a beauty-conscious person. When my child was young, I imagined that when she grew older, I would dress her up like a trendy baby. Alas, who knew that my child has grown up now, but the one I gave her to her grandma was earthy, dark, and ugly. I was a little embarrassed to take my child out. ”
After reading your best friend’s complaints, maybe you will also resonate with your heart, and the whole reason for hating children may gradually emerge.
Psychologist Winnicott once said: "Parents love and hate coexist with their children."
When these situations occur, there may be a "hate child" mentality:
❶ You have experienced pain during pregnancy and childbirth
❷ There is a gap in family treatment during pregnancy and postpartum
❸ Your child has not developed as you imagined
❹ When you have emotions because of your children, you are not understood by your close peers
❺ Your children do not understand your efforts and hard work
❻ Your family requires you to pay unconditionally for your children.
As a mother, your feelings for your children are not actually completely positive and pure love;
As a mother, your feelings for your children are more likely to be a complex combination.
has love—love her cuteness, innocence, and heaven-likeness It makes, more like the continuation of your life;
There is hatred and jealousy - hating them for occupying your time, energy, and love from your family, and often making you lose control of your emotions.
However, please believe in this secret deep in your heart. There is no need to blame yourself or wonder if you have a psychological problem. All you need is self-counseling.
Only by letting yourself go can you accept your children.
There is a saying that goes like this: "From love comes worry, from love comes fear." The source of our complex emotions towards our children is still because of love.
Because of love, mothers will also bear responsibilities and burdens that cannot be heavy. Once the pressure is so heavy that you can’t breathe, complain and be irritable, you may have bad negative psychology. Therefore, to untie your knot, you must first learn to let yourself go.
Release stress and adjust your mood
If a mother feels that the pressure of raising a child is increasing and her mood is getting heavier and heavier, she must find a way to release stress and make a small change in her otherwise monotonous life.
Pick up your hobbies again and do something that makes you feel good. Talk to a friend and discuss a solution together, etc.
2 Adjust your own parenting methods
The growth of a child is inevitable, and the baby will definitely change during the growth process. Mothers must learn to accept this change and constantly adjust their parenting methods.
If your child already has his own thoughts, you can chat more with your child and get to know him better through communication, which will also allow you to enhance the parent-child relationship with each other.
3 There are elderly people taking care of their children, so let go of the small ones.
Taking care of children is not a small project, and it is impossible to implement a standard assembly line operation in every detail. Both the elderly and parents have their own ways of raising children. There is no universal parenting standard in this world.
So when you see some unsatisfactory aspects of old people raising children, first ask yourself whether this is a matter of principle? Will it affect the health and safety of the children?
If not, it is better to try to turn a blind eye. There is no need to get too entangled in some small things.
If a problem of principle arises, don't give up reason. Don't rush to argue with the old man just to be quick with your words. Instead, both parties should sit down and discuss and come up with a solution.
4 Don’t be a “Superwoman”, cooperate with teammates in parenting
It is very popular nowadays to compare mothers to supermen, but I want to tell all mothers that we are never supermen, and we should not try to turn ourselves into supermen.
If you want to gain happiness in the workplace and family life, you must learn to take advantage of others. The child is not yours alone. You must learn to "use" your "pig teammates" at home and let your husband participate in childcare work with you.
Don’t feel uneasy because you didn’t do it yourself or feel that your husband is unreliable. Let him do it and you will be happy and relaxed and get some breathing space.
5 Be a mother with 60 points, and you will be yourself with 80 points.
There is a saying about parenting chicken soup: Don’t be a mother with 100 points, 60 points is just right.
Although it is easy to be a mother if you score 60 points, life is not a mess. Simply achieving 60 points is not enough. It is better to raise the standard: 60 points for mother + 80 points for yourself.
Give up the unrealistic goal of perfection, strive to be a good enough mother, leave yourself some freedom, and leave your children room to make mistakes and grow; accept the limitations of reality, do not give up the pursuit of your own value, but seek to take a longer time to realize yourself.
At any time, you must first learn to love yourself, and then love your children and family.
Of course, if you think you can't overcome the emotional monster, don't forget to seek help from a professional psychologist and face up to your psychological problems.
Finally, I hope every mother can see her own ray of light when she is lost!
