Everyone living in the real world wants to express and prove their existence all the time.
Parents are like this, and children are even more like this.
There is no doubt that between parents and children, if we are busy expressing our own thoughts, cognitions and attitudes, but ignore each other's emotions and feelings, then such communication will definitely be inefficient and low-quality.
But it is regrettable that many parents are used to instilling and explaining their strong opinions to their children in their family life. They always say a lot of "correct nonsense" to their children under the banner of "for the good of their children", which to a large extent leads to their children's resentment and rebellion.
Even children cannot tolerate this kind of education. Parents always hold a self-righteous attitude, disdain and ignore the children's ideas.
However, due to the strictness and authority of their parents, most children can only listen to their parents' nagging in despair, which is actually useless "nonsense". It can be said to be miserable.
First, parents’ nonsense comes from the “desire for control”.
In fact, today’s children are very smart. If they do something poorly or have a bad attitude, as long as their parents have a gentle attitude and give pointers at critical times, most children can do well.
But unfortunately, in life we will find that many parents seem to be addicted to some "correct nonsense".
If a child's eyes hurt, the parents will immediately say, "It's all because you look at your phone every day!"
If the child is poor at studying, the parents will definitely say, "It's all because you play games every day!"
If the child sleeps in, the parents will definitely say, "It's not because you don't go to bed on time every day!"
Anyway, no matter what problems arise in their children's study and life, the first words parents will bear the brunt of are complaints, accusations and nagging. Although these words sound irrefutable and correct, when their children are irritable and discouraged, these words of parents will be like a knife, piercing the children's originally frustrated and lost hearts.
The reason why many parents cannot control themselves, regardless of whether it is necessary or useful, they want to say a few words or scold them in front of their children is simply because of their "desire to control" and want to bring their children's lives, emotions and states into their own control, and they cannot see their children "step beyond the bounds".
This is obviously too selfish and one-sided education.
Second, parents’ nonsense comes from “vanity”.
I think many children should have experienced this.
Because a considerable part of what parents repeat and emphasize to their children every day is to establish and maintain their own "vanity."
For example, some parents have imposed harsh and demanding education on their children since childhood, euphemistically calling it "for the good of the children" . However, in fact, there are many highly educated parents who do not pay more attention to their children's emotions and ideas, but only care about their own academic qualifications, identity and face. I am always afraid that my child's grades will not be as good as my own back then, and I will lose face in front of my family and colleagues.
It is conceivable that if we educate our children with excessive vanity and utilitarian ideas from the beginning, how can we be calm in the process of accompanying and supervising our children?
Thirdly, parents’ nonsense comes from “utilitarianism”.
Some parents continue to guide their children to blindly compare and compete with other people's children. They don't care to deeply understand their children's interests, thoughts and worries. They just blindly use the high school entrance examination, college entrance examination and top prestigious schools as the goals to urge their children to work hard.
In other words, in the process of educating children, there is too much and excessive "utilitarianism" . Then in the process of learning and growing, children will naturally lack and feel the care of their parents. During adolescence, they will fall into all kinds of confusion and troubles that are difficult to resolve. Instead, they will gradually lose the enthusiasm and motivation for learning and further education that children of the same age should have.
Therefore, for parents who are mature and mentally sound, they should spend more time and energy on cultivating interests and shaping personality, instead of habitually starting from self-awareness and concepts. They must ensure that their children complete their studies and life according to their parents' plans and designs.
even spends the whole day nagging and telling big truths to the children, saying some "correct nonsense" that the children don't want to hear but insisting on telling them. Not only does it fail to guide the children's academic life, but it also invisibly affects and destroys the relationship between parents and children.
Such parent-child communication, on the surface, seems to be talking to the child for the purpose of "for the good of the child". In fact, what comforts and relieves is just the parents' own educational anxiety, vanity and utilitarianism.
In short, parents who are accustomed to talking nonsense, making demands and reasoning with their children must always pay attention to their children's spiritual world and emotional psychology, and do not always start from their own standpoint and ignore their children's actual thoughts and needs.
Then education like is definitely not a rational and wise education that is easy for children to accept.
