Text/Temi’s Mother (Original article, personal sharing and forwarding are welcome)
In my opinion, raising children is a knowledge that can be learned until old age. And this knowledge can be reflected in all aspects of life.
In the evening, the family watched TV together. It was a parent-child program about survival in the wild outdoors. There was a seven or eight-year-old boy named Gene who was about the same age as my son.
Surprisingly, although Gene is not old, he has shown good survival ability.
Everything is at your fingertips, such as using tools, helping your father build a simple house, and preparing meals..
While watching a program with my children, my son suddenly asked me: "Mom, are all foreign children so awesome?"
I was stunned for a moment subconsciously, and then I thought about some of my son's behaviors at home. It can be said that apart from eating and dressing himself, other survival skills are almost zero.
So I suddenly discovered that when raising boys, some of our parents may have misunderstandings in their educational methods.
01. If you have a boy at home, don’t do "pet-style intensive care"
In today's society, the "pet-style intensive care" parenting model can be said to be very common.
Because everyone's material conditions have improved and they are willing to bring a better life to their children, they will treat their children as "pets" and take care of them carefully.
Some parents even ask their children to focus all their attention on studying, and will help them with the rest of the food, clothing, housing and transportation.
But have you noticed a problem? The more we do this, the more it will sometimes lead to children lacking the ability to survive independently.
Just like the news that was hotly discussed on the Internet before, a college student who had just entered university was about to start class. Because he couldn't tie his shoelaces, he was made to cry in the dormitory.
But this boy’s parents did not want their children to take the initiative to deal with difficulties, but moved the family to the city where their children went to college.
's pampered pet-like parenting is evident.
Although most parents may not go to such an extreme step, it has to be said that the survival ability of many of our children cannot be compared with their academic performance.
This is also the case. Now that many children have grown up and are far away from their parents, their ability to withstand stress is very limited. They even have extreme negative emotions and psychology in complex lives.
02. Compared with "intensive pet-style breeding", there is a way to make children more promising.
Although we are unwilling to admit it, the survival ability displayed by many foreign children is indeed superior to our children.
I found that there are two reasons why this phenomenon occurs.
On the one hand, parents will encourage their children to explore.
Many of our parents always try to protect their children under their wings. They cannot lie on the ground dirty, cannot go to places with lots of weeds, cannot touch some tools, etc.
Although it is understandable that we create a safe environment for children to grow up, if we are overprotective, it will cause children to lose their desire and courage to explore.
And if we can protect children's exploration and actively let children feel the external environment, then children will gain the courage to seek knowledge and explore, and they will also find ways to survive in complex environments.
On the other hand, the parent will use the child.
In the parent-child survival show that my children and I watched, Gene's father was a "master" in using his children. He would ask his children to help when he was busy and arrange for his children to do things within their capabilities.
But among many of our parents, only learning is the first priority, and if you can help your children do the rest, do it for your children.
It is precisely because of this difference in education that many children have lost basic survival skills and lack the courage to try.
So if we can encourage children to create and explore, and use them as much as possible, then they will definitely become more promising in their future growth.
As psychologist Salia said:
When a child is used and needed by adults, they can feel how great their young lives are, how much potential they contain, and gain a very strong sense of responsibility and accomplishment.
03. So how to "use" children?
① Encourage children to participate in housework
As the mother of a boy, I often say something to him in life: Son, it is different with you.
Under normal circumstances, this sentence will always give him timely appreciation and praise after he helps me do some housework.
In fact, many parents rarely let their children participate in housework, but we must understand one problem. Children will also have families in the future. If they really don’t know anything, how can they take on the important task of taking care of their own families?
Moreover, there is often a big difference between children who do housework and those who do not do housework when they grow up.
Harvard University once conducted a study, following 456 children for 20 years, and finally came to a conclusion:
Compared with children who do not like to do housework, the unemployment rate when they grow up is 1:15, the crime rate is 1:10, the income of children who like to do housework will be 20% higher, and the probability of mental illness will be lower.
The reason for such a conclusion is actually very simple. The family is the prototype of the workplace and life. If children can participate in housework from an early age, they will be more independent and reliable, and they will also cherish the efforts and labor of others.
② Be willing to let go and don’t “catch”
I remember that every time I went to pick up my children from school, there would always be many parents driving their cars to pick up their children at the school gate.
Once I discussed with my husband that I should drive to pick up my children in the future, but my husband refused and told me a story.
My husband said that when he was a child, he always squeezed the bus to go to school, and because of the squeeze, he understood several important factors.
First, there is no need to look hard to see if the bus is coming. If the bus is coming, there will definitely be noise in the crowd.
Second, when there are many people, do not push forward with the crowd, because this is the best time for thieves to strike.
Third, if there are no seats in the car, it is best to stand behind the driver's seat, which is wider.
When my husband finished talking about these elements, I discovered that the more parents are willing to let go, the more their children will gain the ability to survive in life.
Therefore, instead of raising children in captivity, it is better to let children experience the hardships, provide them with opportunities to practice, and gain something from this.
③ Parents must learn to show weakness and give their children opportunities to show off.
Many parents always want to show their strong side in front of their children, but in fact, the stronger we are and the more we protect our children, the more vulnerable our children are.
At home, I will often show weakness and give our children some opportunities to show off. For example, if they can’t unscrew the bottle cap, ask the little man to help me. For example, if I pretend that I don’t like cleaning the toilet, I will ask the little man to help me...
So this is a sentence that our children often talk about. That is: "Look, you don't know how you can live without me."
It is precisely because of this parenting method that I feel that he is becoming more and more brave, confident, independent and active, because the child has found his own sense of value and accomplishment.
Therefore, parents must take the initiative to show weakness when getting along with their children, and give their children more opportunities to show their abilities.
Finally, I would like to share with you something I saw before:
As parents, don’t treat yourself like a mountain, and don’t treat your children like grass, because the more we shield our children from wind and rain, the more vulnerable they will be.
