In 1945, Well-known Austrian psychologist Finicher proposed the "victim psychology" concept , that is, when a person believes that he is in the position of a victim, he then believes that no matter the environment or other people are bullying and squeezing him .
After this concept was adopted by child psychologist , the manifestation of this psychology in children is that it is clear that himself made a mistake , but keeps shirking responsibility . Or maybe at moment feels that the outside world is extremely unfair to him , and people around him are against him and so on!
At a class reunion, classmate Liu Liu complained very distressedly to another classmate Xiao Min who was a primary school teacher: "My son is only 7 years old this year, but I think he has already shown that he is not a man enough to take on the role of !"
You must know that Liu Liu is extremely protective of his son Qiuqiu on weekdays. It is simply a perfect portrayal of "My son is always right" . Therefore, not to mention Xiao Min, several other classmates were also very surprised that she actually started criticizing her own son, and then hurriedly asked.
It turns out that Liu Liu received many "complaints" from her class teacher since she entered elementary school for one year. Either Qiuqiu refused to be on duty , or took the initiative to beat classmate , but insisted that it was not his responsibility , etc.
This situation lasted for several months. Liu Liu began to worry about her son's school life, so she sternly warned him, "If you give me a good job at school, you will do what is supposed to do for you." However, every time the children directly talked back: " It's their fault. They and the teacher deliberately targeted me!"
"Hey, if I hadn't picked him up from school one time and saw him push down his classmate after a disagreement, I almost believed him." Liu Liu said very helplessly, and asked Xiao Min if there were any children in the class who were in the same situation. Unexpectedly, Xiao Min not only said that there were some children in the class who refused to admit their mistakes, but were also very resistant to receiving corresponding punishments. Moreover, at the end of the conversation, she also suggested that Liu Liu must pay attention to correct Qiuqiu's attitude, which is consistent with the characteristics of "victim psychology". If it is not guided and corrected in time, it will have a negative impact on the child's physical and mental health and conduct!
Young children don’t have a “victim mentality”?
"Why do you want me to tidy up the room? I still have so much homework to do!"
"I am also your child, why should I only care about my younger brother/sister?"
"..."
Maybe for parents, these are just insignificant complaints from their children. As everyone knows, this is also a "victim mentality" that belongs to children. Not only does feel sorry for himself, but he also vents his unhappiness through constantly complaining .
The reason why children behave like this is most likely because has not received enough care from their parents for a long time. They hope to attract the attention and comfort of their parents through chattering and complaining in a bad tone.
As the saying goes "Crying children get candy" , coupled with parents and adults around them from time to time instill the idea that "only bad children make mistakes" , children think that once admits the mistakes they have made, it is equivalent to becoming a bad boy . Therefore, as long as does not admit mistakes , puts itself in a weak position , and gains the sympathy of adults, then it will not be criticized .
Especially children who successfully escape the punishment of adults through this mentality, and even receive care and comfort , their inner desire for sympathy and mercy will also become stronger , and also become a solution that gives priority to when makes a mistake .
As the most obvious characteristic of "victim mentality" , is keen to shirk responsibility , which is what most children with this kind of mentality will do . Even if only child was present when the vase was broken, he could find out "the wind blew it down", "the puppy hit it", "the dinosaur broke it" and even directly rejected with "I don't know".
and being keen to shirk responsibility will also derive from 's lying style . After all, it takes countless lies to excuse for itself. Therefore, parents must not let their children behave like this, and cannot use "the child is still young and doesn't understand anything" as an excuse.
The complex "victim mentality" is actually more or less manifested in many children. After all, this will make them make many wrong actions or fall into wrong thinking . This means that it will bring all kinds of physical and mental harm to the children, and may even affect their outlook on life, character, etc.!
The adverse effects of "victim psychology" on children
Experts from the Ausubel Institute of Educational Psychology (AIEP) pointed out that children having a "victim mentality" is actually a kind of unhealthy, is also an abnormal self-protection mechanism .
Because after falling into the "victim mentality", the child's psychological activities will be greatly affected by the reactions from the outside world..
In other words, once does not reach the level of sympathy and care that they desire, it is no less than a kind of psychological blow to . After the inner endurance is constantly attacked by , will become very fragile .
Moreover, the of shirking responsibility itself is the process of weaving lies. The more children understand that these behaviors are not correct, they will feel guilty every time they shirk responsibilities, and they will also worry that will encounter these mistakes again. Therefore, not only will let oneself become an irresponsible person , but also become very timid and fearful of getting into trouble, will also suppress the nature and potential of the child.
"Victim mentality" not only affects children's words and deeds in the short term, but once becomes a habit or is a fixed product , not to mention becoming a "stumbling block" for children to grow into better people, even the children's future study, life and work will be negatively affected . Therefore, finding the cause and specifically solving the "victim mentality" is something that parents and children both need to work hard to accomplish ! How does
guide children out of the "victim mentality"?
. Give enough companionship and love
Experts from the Ausubel Institute of Educational Psychology (AIEP) have not only discovered through research "victim psychology" the adverse effects of on children , also traced back to the source and confirmed that one of the reasons why children fall into this negative psychology is the lack of care and companionship , which makes them shape themselves into the role of "victims" to gain attention and sympathy from the outside world.
Therefore, no matter how busy parents are, they should spend enough time to accompany their children. At the same time, don't be stingy with expressing your love for your children, saying "We love you very much" to them often, so that they can always feel that they live in an atmosphere full of love.
. Teach children the courage to take responsibility
Well-known psychology expert Professor Li Meijin once pointed out: "Parents should not only focus on their children's learning , but also learn to take responsibility and cannot ignore ."As for letting children get out of the "victim mentality", when makes a mistake, will not choose to make up a lie at the first time or to blame others . The first thing is to cultivate the quality of children to have the courage to take responsibility .
If the child makes a mistake At this time, the first thing parents do is not to scold blindly, but to calmly analyze the reasons with their children, find solutions , and at the same time give enough patience and gently encourage children then tell the truth . l1 will not choose to escape when makes a mistake. Not only admits the mistake , but also can take its own responsibility .
. Cultivate children's self-confidence
Sufficient confidence is a prerequisite for to do things . If children can be confident , then they will not deny themselves because of a small mistake or a trivial matter, and then desire to get others. Positive, positive reviews of .
Therefore, parents should not be stingy with encouragement and praise, help their children build enough self-confidence, and maintain an optimistic attitude. This can also reduce children's complaints to a large extent. Over time, children can stay away from the "victim mentality" .
Conclusion:
"Victim mentality" is undoubtedly a negative psychological state , just like forming a cage , allowing children to be restrained by in which , dare not do bold things , and the resulting avoidance mentality makes them become people who are full of lies and dare not take responsibility . Therefore, once parents discover that their child has a "victim mentality", they must be patient and tolerant enough to help him come out, give him enough confidence and care, and guide him to become a confident and responsible person!
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