Hello everyone, I am Cuckoo's mother~
Chatting with a friend. When talking about her daughter in junior high school, her friend looked helpless.
She said that once her daughter wanted to eat braised pork, she braved the heavy rain to buy it at the vegetable market. After buying it, I was afraid of wasting time, so I didn't have time to wipe my wet hair, so I hurriedly cooked.
takes time to make braised pork, not just stir-fry it. But my daughter was impatiently waiting and stood at the kitchen door and complained repeatedly: "Why are you so slow? I'm almost starving to death." Although my friend felt a little uncomfortable, she still answered her daughter: "Wait a little longer, it'll be fine soon."
When eating, my friend felt that the braised pork was good, so she ate two more bites. Unexpectedly, my daughter put the vegetables directly in front of her, protected her hands and said seriously, "You can't eat anymore, this is mine."
At that moment, my friend's heart felt as uncomfortable as a needle. Her wet hair and her busy figure were not seen by her daughters. In the eyes of the children, there was only what parents should give, but they did not see what parents should give.
When I was a child, I hugged my mother and acted coquettishly, saying that I would love my mother forever, and that I would buy a lot of things for my mother when I grew up. Why did I suddenly feel sorry for you when I grew up?
1: Why don’t your child feel sorry for you when he grows up?
A survey shows that 27.8% of primary and secondary school students do not know what their parents like; almost every primary and secondary school student knows their birthday, but 33.3% of children do not know what their parents’ birthday is.
Many children regard everything their parents do for themselves as a matter of course, but it is difficult for them to understand the hardships of raising their parents.
Why don’t your child feel sorry for you when he grows up? You've been wrong from the moment you did these 3 things to him.
①Accustomed to "following orders" to children
Bu Niu also has this habit and often gives orders to her father: "Dad, I'm thirsty, get me water." When she was still young, we felt that she really couldn't pour water by herself, so we helped her do it.
But as she grew up, there were more and more such commands: Dad, bring me shoes; Mom, I don’t have chopsticks, get me a pair; Dad, put this book back...
Looking at this little person, he ordered us to do this and that like an adult. We realize that this child has the illusion that he can command others at will.
We always feel that the child is still young and he can’t do many things. Moreover, as parents, our job is to take good care of him.
This leads to many times, we mistakenly regard ourselves as a "nanny" and allow our children to give orders directly. Even though we feel uncomfortable in our hearts many times, our parents’ nature will drive us to do it.
② Excessively meet the needs of children
When the child is born, as adults, we will consciously give in to our needs and first meet all the needs of children.
Even if the child grows up, we don’t realize that some of his needs are excessive.
For example, if the grandfather wants to watch TV, but the grandson also needs to watch it, the grandfather has to give in; if the child wants to eat, even if he goes around the distance or travels to several places, the father must do it; if the child makes a request, the parents feel that it is unreasonable and disagrees, and the child loses his temper, the family will agree immediately.
Over time, the child will develop a "self-centered" personality and feel that everyone has to revolve around him and have to give in to him.
③Seldom let children share
The great thing about parents is that they are too selfless.
"Dad, this apple is so delicious, you can try it too."
No, dad doesn't eat it, you've eaten it all.
"Mom, I'll give you a cookie."
No, keep it for the baby, mom won't eat it.
"Mom, this shrimp is so delicious, why don't you eat it?"
If you like it, you will give it to you. Mom will eat something else.
We are selfless and humble, leaving the best to the child alone.He can enjoy more at the moment, but he may also form a wrong perception: "As long as it is something I like, it belongs to me, and others cannot take it."
Over time, he has formed a selfish personality, only himself in his eyes, no one else.
When we always focus on children, we treat him like a "prince" and "princess". Over time, he really found the feeling of "being a prince/princess", and was self-centered and could not see your needs.
Slowly, he no longer knows how to feel sorry for you.
2: How to make children understand how to feel sorry for others?
html The child before the age of 26 has limited thinking ability and it is difficult to understand the causal connection. Therefore, he is often self-centered and cannot see other people's needs. This is their developmental characteristics, not really "selfish".
But if we do not guide our children to experience other people’s feelings and see the existence of others in our daily lives, then children will easily form “self” thinking habits and ways of doing things. Such habits and methods such as
are certain, so in the future, he will only have himself in his eyes and will not know how to feel sorry for you.
So, when raising children, we try to do the following.
✔ Treat everyone equally
When the child is about 2 years old, we can no longer treat him as a baby. The food, clothing and expenses at home should be treated equally, and not treated particularly well.
For example, everyone can eat it together, not only children can eat it, or only adults can eat it if the child has left it.
When the child finds that he is treated the same as others at home, he will slowly eliminate the awareness of "self-centeredness" and will not always think about himself first in everything.
✔ Reject unreasonable requirements
When family members are treated equally, we will find that many of the children’s requirements are unreasonable. We must firmly refuse these requests.
For example, if the child wants to eat some kind of snack, but it rains heavily outside and we can't go out, so we can only talk about it next time. Instead of crying and making a fuss, we were soft-hearted and we could buy it for him even if we ran all over the city. Or everyone has the right to watch TV, not to be exclusive if he likes it.
When a child makes unreasonable requests, is clearly rejected, and knows the reason for the rejection, he can slowly look at the problem from the perspective of others and understand others.
✔ Do housework together
Children who have been doing housework since childhood can not only exercise their hand-eye coordination ability and fine hand movements, but they can also understand in their work that they are also part of the family and need to work hard to get rewards.
Moreover, children who can contribute to their families will have a higher sense of value and are more willing to be considerate and consider others.
Therefore, children who can undertake housework will have a stronger sense of responsibility, and will better understand the difficulties and hardships of their parents, and will be more willing to be considerate and caring about their parents when they grow up.
✔Share more
Nowadays, there are abundant supplies of life, but children lack the opportunity to be humble.
In addition to guiding the children to share more at home, we should also encourage them to exchange and share snacks and toys with other children outside.
You can talk to your children about other people’s feelings:
Dad also likes to eat this cookie. If you eat it all by yourself, how will he feel?
You have been playing this swing for a long time. You see that kid has been waiting by the side, but you just can't get off. What does he feel?
You have a doll, she has an balance bike . If you are willing to play with her, you can play with two toys, right?
guides children to see other people’s feelings, and they will understand others more and are willing to be more considerate of others.
A child who is not centered on himself and is willing to share and take responsibility will gradually grow into a considerate and warm person. Even if he grows up, he will know how to feel sorry for you like he was when he was a child~
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Author Profile: Cuckoo's mother, a mother who is good at observing, thinking and has a way.Focus on children's psychology , understand the easy raising of children, follow them if you like it~
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