2022 is about to say goodbye to us.
Looking back on this year, while raising my two sisters, I have experienced frustrations, breakdowns, and doubts. Of course, I have also experienced happiness and unforgettable moments. At the same time, I have also gained growth.
At the end of the year, let me write down a summary of my parenting in 2022.
Raising children is not just the mother’s business
In 2022, my biggest realization is that raising children is not just the mother’s business. What my child will become is not something I can decide alone.
So this year, I have been calm most of the time. I try to let go of my anxiety and stop criticizing myself .
The child at this stage, whether in study or life, is what she is from multiple angles and for many reasons. My role only accounts for a small part.
In the same way, no matter what kind of person my child becomes in the future, successful or mediocre, it is not something I can control, nor is it subject to my will.
There is a limit to what I can do and the impact I can have on her. Therefore, when I see something unpleasant about my child and feel that she is not doing well, I no longer criticize myself harshly. I feel that it is all my fault for not educating my child well.
After figuring this out, my anxiety has been reduced by more than half.
A friend of mine said that she felt like a failure.
Her frustration comes from her two children, and the cause of the matter starts with her son's exam.
's son's school organized an online exam. During the math test, there was an application question that the teacher had explained to the students the day before and asked the children to do it again. However, when the son took the exam, he didn't even read the question and said he couldn't do it.
My friend got angry and kicked his son.
heard the news, and a friend’s daughter, who was taking online classes, came to give her brother a fight. My daughter said that my brother doesn’t like to learn mathematics, so why does he have to learn it?
What her daughter said made her friend even more angry, and she also criticized her daughter. She asked the children, "What qualifications do you have? You can do whatever you want to do, and don't do anything you don't want to do." Her daughter also cried.
There was a lot of excitement, and the mother and son broke up unhappy. My friend calmed down and thought about it, and felt that the children became like this because they failed as parents and failed to educate them well.
I quickly advised her that the children are still young and have lived in the comfort zone created by their parents since childhood. How can they understand the hardships of life and how can they think about the future.
Furthermore, don’t put all the blame on yourself, parents are not omnipotent . I feel that a child’s growth is affected by many factors including family, school and society, as well as the child himself. I advised her not to put all the blame on herself.
My comfort made my friend feel a little better. She said that the reason why she was so stressed was that she put all the blame on herself. She felt very tired and sometimes even wanted to run away from her family.
I know that there are many mothers who have the same idea as my friends. In fact, I used to feel the same way. I always feel that as the person who spends the longest time with children and takes care of their daily life, I have the responsibility to educate them well.
But later I figured it out. I want to say that a child is not only his mother's child, he is also his father's child, a teacher's student, and a friend of his friends. He has multiple identities and lives in society from multiple perspectives.
Children are never the children of their mother alone. Therefore, mothers must not take all the responsibility on themselves if their children do not do well.
After understanding this, my anxiety has really reduced a lot.
admits that his abilities are limited.
used to always compete with himself, wanting to do this and that, but the final result was that he failed to do either.
In the past few years of raising my two sisters, I have gradually come to realize the fact that as a mother, my abilities are limited. Many times, I cannot take care of too much at the same time.
Take children’s learning as an example.
Dabao has been smart since he was a child, and his grades were good after he went to elementary school. The second baby was still young at that time, so I naturally focused my time and energy on the second baby. For Dabao, it was almost like letting him go free.
When Dabao was in the fifth or sixth grade of primary school, Erbao happened to be in the kindergarten class and first grade. However, Erbao was late in learning. I spent a lot of time teaching Erbao during those two years, but I couldn't pay attention to Dabao.
During the important years of Dabao Elementary School, I didn't pay much attention to her, so that she developed some bad habits in study. And these bad habits began to have detrimental effects on her learning after she entered seventh grade. This gives me a headache.
After Erbao entered the second grade, she finally started to understand, and her study habits were pretty good. For example, she concentrated on homework and listened carefully in class. I could finally relax.
And Dabao's behavior after she entered seventh grade made me regret having let her go in those years. What price I will pay for it.
I don’t want to blame myself. I admit that my abilities and energy are limited, and I cannot focus on two children at the same time. Of course, I will also sum up my experience and focus on Dabao in the future. At the same time, I cannot leave the second treasure alone.
Only by admitting your own shortcomings can you calmly face the current difficulties and work hard to move forward.
This year, my emotional management ability has improved.
This year, most of the time, I can control my emotions. I will not be tough with my children, and I will no longer compete with my children to win or lose.
One day I woke Dabao up from her nap. She was probably angry when she got up, and she was a little impatient. She muttered something and said that I would not help her click into the meeting.
I really wanted to argue with her, but I held back. I helped her get into the meeting before, but she wasn't happy and said I didn't care about her lunch reading. Why did she complain to me again this time?
I know that she is just a little angry, just nagging a few words to vent her emotions and then everything will be fine.
If I argue with her, there is a high probability that we will quarrel, which will not only aggravate her mood, make both of us unhappy, but also affect her study in the afternoon.
is like having too much homework. She gets irritated easily and will say things like not writing anymore, not caring about it, not turning it in, etc. Before, I would reason with her, saying that it would be okay if she didn’t write it, stop complaining, it would be fine if she just wrote it, and so on.
Later I learned to shut up. She was in awe of the teacher and the homework. She would not really stop writing. She just complained a few times.
I am an adult and cannot be as emotional as a child. When a child is emotional, I either shut up or give the child a hug.
Dabao, on the other hand, often goes about his own business after complaining. I am relieved that the conflicts between me and her have been reduced a lot.
Adults, please try to improve your ability to manage emotions. This really helps parents and children get along harmoniously.
is written at the end:
The path of raising children is also the path of growth for parents. In 2022, I gained a lot.
This year is an extraordinary year for our country, and it is also an extraordinary year for me personally, because in October of this year, I lost my father.
My father's death made me think about some things in my grief. Children will eventually leave us. Cherishing our partners and caring for our living parents is also one of our lessons.
Instead of focusing all your energy on your children.
2022, to myself who has worked so hard; in 2023, set sail and continue working hard.
