When it comes to raising children, you must not relax. If one generation relaxes a little, several generations will follow with complete failure.
" Zeng Shiqiang Daily Motto"
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When you think of "family", what picture comes to your mind?
Is it warmth, or does every family have sutras that are difficult to recite?
No matter what, family is irreplaceable in everyone's heart.
What is the most important thing about family? The descendants should prosper and be passed down from generation to generation. Through the efforts of family members, we work together to make the family a blessing and pass it on from generation to generation.
Especially now, various social problems, youth problems, and elderly problems are traced back to their roots. They are not caused by bad society or bad schools, but because there are no rules in the home anymore. It is a problem in family construction. .
Family is the foundation of society. Managing one's own family well is not only the source of a person's happiness, but also the fundamental solution to many social problems.
How to improve family construction and create a harmonious family with blessing, inheritance and future?
Today, we will give you some suggestions from three aspects, aiming at daily family life.
1
The relationship between husband and wife must be corrected
Since ancient times, we Chinese have had five types of human relationships, namely, father and son, monarch and minister, husband and wife, brothers, and friends.
So, which of the five ethics is the main axis? Which one begins?
Many people will definitely think of father and son. In fact, they are not, but a couple. How can there be a father and son without a couple? So couples are very important.
If a person's marriage is unstable, his career will soon be affected and his whole life will be messed up . Therefore, it is important to emphasize how to make a good marriage relationship and how to put a right relationship between husband and wife.
That is to say, you have to get along well with your children, you have to get along well with your parents, and if you want to have a harmonious family, you must first start to adjust the relationship between the couple.
Chinese people used to call the relationship between husband and wife Qiankun. The world is in chaos, and the entire universe is in chaos. Once the couple's relationship is unstable, problems will arise in the entire family.
It can be seen that the relationship between husband and wife is a very serious and important relationship and should not be taken lightly. How about
couple?
Remember one thing, only closes the door. Only the two of you are a couple. You are not a couple outside the bedroom.
As soon as you leave the bedroom, you are either someone else's children or someone else's parents, not a couple.
Whenever you can do this, your marriage will be completely different.
People have to change their roles frequently. This talent is called flexibility and flexibility.
In front of your children, you are parents, not a couple; in front of your parents, you are children, not a couple. We are just in a mess right now.
Many young couples hold hands tightly in front of their elderly parents.
The old father was very strange: Mom only wanted to have sex when she was older, why did you have to have sex with the young one?
Now we are all recruiting the young people, not the old ones. This is the only mistake we made.
At this time, one of you is someone else’s daughter-in-law and the other is someone else’s son, not a couple.
When you realize this and when you make conscious adjustments, the atmosphere and family style of the entire family can become healthy.
2
Parent-child relationship needs to be adjusted
If the relationship between husband and wife is good, the children will naturally learn from us.
Today many people are talking about leading by example. Leading by example depends on whether you are filial to your parents. This is the most important thing.
If you honor your parents, your children will naturally honor you. And if you get along well with your parents, your children will naturally get along well with you.
What is the parent-child relationship? From our Chinese point of view, it is an upbringing relationship. How you teach it will determine how it behaves for you, and what kind of relationship the two people will establish. Parent-child relationship is completely taught by parents. In fact, children do not just do whatever they like. No matter what the child looks like when he is born, you have to accept it completely, and the child will change. Some children were very good when they were young, but get worse as they grow up. Some children were very naughty when they were young, but get better as they grow up. But there’s nothing you can do about it, because you can’t change it, so no matter how it changes, the parents have to accept it. But as parents, you need to know: at first, the children were so good, why are they getting worse? It has something to do with you, so it’s called self-inflicted. Why was he naughty when he was a child, but he got better later? It's what you brought up. How parents educate will determine what their children will become, and then interacting with each other will form various parent-child relationships. Therefore, the parent-child relationship cannot be careless or taken lightly. It is changing every minute and every second. It doesn’t mean that you call the child over regularly and give him a lesson. That is a superior to a subordinate. It doesn’t mean that you should teach well during class time and assign homework for him to do after class. That is the teacher, not the parent. We must clarify this role. Parents are for life, they are available all year round, and their responsibilities are unlimited. When you understand these relationships, you will know how to adjust them. For parent-child relationship, we only use the two words "adjust". First, adjust your own concepts clearly. If the concepts are correct and the attitude shown is reasonable, the parent-child relationship will naturally be good. Only when the parent-child relationship is good can the family have hope for the future. Remember, must not relax when it comes to educating children. If one generation relaxes a little, several generations will follow with complete failure. 3 Family members must be fulfilled The country is a place where laws are enforced, society is a place where principles are enforced, and the family is not. Family is not a place for revolution, nor is it a place for discussing right and wrong, let alone a place for saying who is right. Family is a place where family interaction, mutual empathy, sincerity, and openness are all about family ties. Therefore, a family should treat each other sincerely and help each other. If the family becomes a place where theories are preached about right and wrong, we will gradually lose our family ties. What if the father is not the father? So what if he is a son or not? There is a very dangerous feeling called alienation. This is something that Westerners are very distressed about and difficult to solve. We didn’t have a sense of alienation before, but now we are starting to learn it, and then we feel a lot more alienated. Alienation means that the distance between people is getting farther and farther, and everyone is becoming more and more unfamiliar and caring less and less about others. Is this a good sign? Not a good sign. I believe that everyone will not go down this road, but after you hear those concepts, you will be affected, and then your attitude will be different. We should take less control of our son's affairs, but we cannot ignore them. We should control them to a reasonable level and not to an unreasonable level. This is the right thing. There is another very important concept among family members, which is perfection. Perfection means that if you can't do it alone, a few of us will put our power on you. If you achieve anything, then you will come back and take care of us. We are very good at making the best use of limited resources. This is our family. So why is it said that if family members are united, dirt will turn into gold. That is, when everyone is united and has strength, and works together toward a goal, resources will fully exert their effectiveness. In fact, everyone cannot achieve what they are today by working alone. Our parents, relatives, friends, classmates, teachers, there are so many people who are helping us, otherwise it would not be possible. Once a person has the concept of perfection, he will know that his achievements cannot be achieved by working alone. Without parents, brothers and sisters, classmates, and the care of the country and society, we would not be where we are today. So, when we have achieved results, the first thing we have to give back to is our parents, and then take care of others. Everything is prosperous when the family is harmonious, and the hearts and minds of the people in the family must be connected together. Our blood is thicker than water. Through mutual help, you can help me and I can help you, and together we can expand the energy and blessing of the family. And the concept of our family is passed down from generation to generation and continues indefinitely. This is called endless generation. In short, it is not difficult to destroy a family. However, the harmony, happiness and prosperity of a family are not that simple. They need to be accumulated bit by bit. Confucius has a saying, which is called "seeking others instead of others". For anything, don’t blame God or others. "Resent to God" means that you blame God, and God will ignore you at all; "Yu Ren" means that you shift the responsibility to the outside world, which will not help. You must ask yourself: What is wrong with our family? Why are there so many contradictions? Then adjust your concepts and actively improve. Don't always lament: "My family was very good before, but I just couldn't do it." How could it be impossible? Everyone can do whatever they want. This is the biggest feature of Chinese culture. Everything we do depends on whether you want to do it or not. If you want to do it, you can do it right away, and you will see the results soon. Title of this article: Li Jinyao Content of this article: Compilation of Professor Zeng’s writings
