Security is a state of mind, a feeling of inner confirmation. Children with sufficient sense of security usually have more independent consciousness and ability, and can better adapt to the new environment. When they encounter failure, they will attribute the cause to things rather than other people's evaluations. Children with a lack of security dare not express their own ideas, care about others' evaluations, rely on others, always compromise in the team, dare not participate in competition, and are afraid of being exposed to new things.
The sense of security belongs to the psychological environment, and the individual's psychological state will directly affect his willingness to acquire knowledge and ability, as well as his happiness in life. Whether the sense of security is sufficient depends to a large extent on the establishment and development of early attachment relationships.
Esworth and her colleagues used the unfamiliar situation method to observe the interaction between Uganda and the mother-child of American families for a long time, and divided the child's attachment into the following types:
Safe attachment: Be a mother When around, children play and explore freely, and communicate with their mothers through occasional proximity or eye gaze. When the mother left, she was obviously disturbed and anxious. When the mother came back, the child responded enthusiastically to her mother.
Avoidant attachment : The child and mother have no obvious anxiety when they first separated, but will feel uneasy after being alone in a strange environment for a period of time. When the mother returned, the child did not touch her mother's eyes or greet her, as if he hadn't noticed her mother's return.
Rebellious attachment: Most of the time in an unfamiliar situation, the child lingers with the mother. They were very alert when their mother left. They were very distressed when their mother left, and they showed obvious resistance. When his mother came back, he was not actively or warmly welcoming her. Instead, he became angry and upset.
Unorganized: Children react inconsistently to unfamiliar situations and show contradictory behaviors. Facing the pressure of the situation, he seemed to collapse.
There is no doubt that every parent hopes that their children can form secure attachments. The sense of security of their children has a lot to do with their parents’ early parenting methods.
6 months ago, parents need to provide a stable environment and stable caregiver for their children.The child is hungry, thirsty, stretched, and uncomfortable. The caregiver can show up in time and meet the child’s needs. The main caregiver can actively interact with him and respond to the child’s needs in a timely manner with expressions, words, behaviors, etc. between parents and children. Having established a solid emotional link, children are more likely to believe that they are good and safe, and that their environment is also good and safe.
Before the age of 3, the child slowly realizes that he is an independent individual with certain rights and abilities, and wants to prove himself in various ways. For example, some children keep throwing things away for adults to pick up, some children are unwilling to share their things with others, and some children frequently say "no" at a certain period of time and refuse the request of adults. At this time, the adult should give the child certain rights and create opportunities for him to be himself, instead of suppressing the child's nature or blaming the child for this. These behaviors will undermine the child's sense of security.
Before the age of 6, children start to enter the kindergarten. Facing a new environment, many children are facing huge challenges. They are not sure whether the new environment is safe and whether they are welcome. At this time, parents and teachers need more encouragement to their children, and they should not judge children in terms of good or bad. Let the children understand that no matter how they behave, the love of adults for them will remain the same. Appropriately provide some opportunities for them to express themselves, discover their strengths, and help them build self-confidence.
Generally speaking, before the age of 6, the proper parenting method of parents is equivalent to depositing money in their security account, the more the better.
This article was originally created by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to follow, like, and comment. The article declines to be reprinted.
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