Psychologically speaking, people are born with narcissism. Narcissism is people's greatest need. It is to satisfy oneself by realizing one's own wishes.
When you pamper your children without limit, your subconscious mind is actually madly and without limit satisfying the inner self that was once severely lacking.
consultant Rong Weiling said: "There are two "Is" hidden in everyone's heart. One is the "inner parent", which is our internalization of our real parents and ideal parents. When we are parents, the "inner parent" is ourselves.
One is the "inner child", which is our memory of our childhood experience and the internalization of our ideal childhood.
Parents who dote on their children often say. , I suffered too much when I was a child. I will never let my children suffer any more in this life. I will give them whatever they want so that they can be carefree.
"Give what you want" is to subconsciously satisfy the "inner child" who experienced the painful feelings of material scarcity in childhood.
Although the era of scarcity has passed, the painful feelings are stored in memory, so they will project their "inner child" onto their own children in reality.
By satisfying all the needs of the child without restraint, he is actually loving the unsatisfied self.
Doting is a kind of lazy and irresponsible love. On the contrary, true love will treat children as independent living individuals and respect their independent love.
Parents who truly love their children understand that children will have different physical and mental development needs at different stages of development during their growth process, and know how to let go at the right time to prevent their children from missing any opportunities to grow themselves. opportunity.
Because they understand that children’s growth is a process of continuous independence and gradual separation from their parents.
In the context of Chinese culture, it is a huge challenge for parents to treat their children as independent people, rather than as accessories to "me", so most parents choose to be lazy and doting.
Common doting in life is either material satisfaction or taking care of everything in life. , Substitution in learning, everything adults can think of, is done for them. This is the arranged doting.
There is another kind of indulgent pampering. No matter what needs the child has, reasonable or not, as long as the child dares to ask for it, the parents dare to give it; under moral and ethical norms, the child's mood is the standard.
Children are consuming their lives due to the carelessness and ignorance of their parents. It is a pitiful and sad parent-child phenomenon.
Children before the age of 18 are always thinking The question is: who am I?
This process of exploration begins shortly after birth and reaches its first peak period at 1.5 to 3 years old, which is what we call the first period of self-awareness development. Adolescence is the second period of rapid development of self-awareness.
At this stage, if parents can encourage their children to explore themselves, then they will form their own feelings, abilities, thoughts, etc., and the integration of all these will provide the child with the prototype of "who I am".
Parents who can respect their children's self-exploration, believe that they can empathize with their children's feelings, and affirm their children's self-feelings and abilities must be wise.
Parents do not impose their "inner child" on their children, but give their children the freedom that they only have once in life. Such children are lucky and even happier.
They have had a clear sense of self since childhood. When they grow up, they will discover their own uniqueness and become full of curiosity about the world. Keep exploring, be brave in innovation, be willing to create, and keep persevering. Such as genius Einstein , Newton and Nietzsche.
Only when children experience independent exploration can they form themselves, know who they are, and know their best position in this society.
In order for your children to be more responsible and responsible, please let your children have a life of their own choosing.
Parents who dote on their children, please do more reflection and awareness, and stop letting your "shaping intentions" poison your children's self-exploration and self-growth.
