What is it like to experience social anxiety?
People tend to regard those suffering from social phobia as introverts and withdrawn people, but in fact, introversion and extroversion have basically nothing to do with social phobia. Extroverts will also have social fears and will inevitably be sensitive to other people's opinions. Sometimes, we subjectively think that a person with social anxiety has few friends, but in fact it may be the opposite. He also has many friends. Therefore, social anxiety has little to do with a person's social ability.
Even among patients with social phobia, their experiences and symptoms will be completely different - some people will be nervous and unrelaxed as long as they are in front of others, while some people will only feel uncomfortable in specific situations and people, and there will be no problem at all in other situations; the situation or person that one patient is afraid of may not be a problem for another patient; and even when faced with the same symptom or situation, each person's concerns and reasons for fear are different. For example, with peripheral vision fear, some people are worried that it will affect their study and work efficiency, while some people are worried that others will think they are insignificant people, and some people are worried that their gaze will affect others, and they have a deep sense of guilt.
A patient wrote: "I am not afraid of parties, and even occasionally become the mood-setter. But I often just want to be alone. Although I have friends, I can't speak my mind; sometimes when I meet people I know on the road, I will instinctively avoid them. Maybe it's I pretend so well that even if I tell others that I have social anxiety, they will think that I am joking. "
Social anxiety is an invisible pain. It is not like a physical disease that can be understood and cared for by others. Sometimes, in order to avoid being pitied or looked down upon by others, the patient will often disguise and cover up. He does not want others to know too much about him. Therefore, sometimes a person with social anxiety may have no problem at all in the eyes of others because he packages himself well and does not dare to reveal his true self.
Although he also tried to break the imprisoned life, control his nervous emotions, and make himself less inappropriate, the moment he really came into contact with others, his psychological construction would be immediately defeated by fear. He was always so powerless and helpless in the face of reality, and in the end he could only hide in his own world. His life has also been reduced to: How can it not be so bad? He is no longer himself, and what he does or does not do is entirely dictated by fear rather than for better development - he is just living, not living. He was like a little lamb trying to survive in the cracks of a pack of wolves, his passion for life just fading away in the face of fear.
Even if he escaped, he would still be in pain because he looked down on such a shrunken and cowardly self. Sometimes, even if he has not yet entered the situation that scares him, anticipatory anxiety will make him sit on pins and needles - he always imagines how he will behave clumsily and stupidly in interpersonal interactions. What may seem like a simple interpersonal relationship to others has become a battlefield for him, and every time he has to muster up the courage of a strong man to break his arm.
Even if others do not really reject or belittle him, his inferiority complex will make him cautious in interpersonal relationships for fear of offending others. Such insecurity makes him suspicious, and even neutral remarks from others will be interpreted by him as ridicule of himself. Finally, he has trouble truly trusting others.
"Mu Hui" described his symptoms and living conditions on Zhihu like this:
"I came to see the organization, and the following are my symptoms."
- I am afraid that others will look at me for more than three seconds.
- is afraid of parties. Whether you are an acquaintance or a stranger, you will rehearse the process in your mind before going, worrying that you will not be able to fit in.
- is afraid of accidentally hurting other people's hearts, so he often dares not express his opinions.
- rarely very few very few opportunities to open your heart.
- has ≥0 ≤2 friends.
- hates speeches and hates debates.
- I always feel like there is a pair of eyes staring at me from behind.
- 60% of the time when you go out, your heart beats and you are nervous.
- There is only one place in the world where I can completely calm down - home.
- When I go out, I always worry about various emergencies.
- is afraid of making and answering phone calls, especially unknown calls.
- prefers SMS, qq, WeChat .
- rarely takes the initiative to contact friends.
- is always worried that he will be forgotten by the world.
- gets flustered easily, and a nervous heartbeat is normal.
- is afraid of all activities that require speaking and expressing oneself.
- is worried about other people's comments.
- If you don’t live a free and easy life, you will easily feel inferior.
- speaks very quietly.
- When people first meet me, they always think that I am an extremely quiet girl who hides in her own little world... and their subsequent evaluations may not be certain.
- has rich inner world activities and infinite imagination.
- is quiet and can easily give strangers a sense of distance.
- Looking directly into people's eyes, the result is - suddenly weightlessness, blood rushes to the brain, and there is a "Weng".
- feels that it is so warm, so loving, and so happy to be in an environment where you don’t have to express yourself.
- envies those children who are lively, cheerful, outgoing and smart, and feels that they are like happy angels.
- is closed, even if it is very open-minded.
- is afraid of surviving in society.
- I feel that the word "generous" will never belong to me.
- Say hello or not? This is always a problem.
- is always embarrassing, always embarrassing, always embarrassing.
- Taking pictures is also the scariest thing in the world. Please don’t take pictures of me.
- is afraid of bothering others, or making others look bored.
- is afraid of owing others favors. When faced with the benefits and warmth given by others, he always feels flattered and frightened, and always wants to pay back double the amount.
- makes me sweat with embarrassment every time I make an action or say a word in a social scene.
- always feels that he will die alone.
This is probably the case. As a girl with a rich inner world, I almost shed tears. I really like the Internet. It is a treasure place where I can hide my identity in real life (it seems I can’t get out of the house anymore).
can play a role without wearing a mask and speak freely here! You don’t even know me anyway!
Some people are full of fear in reality, but they can let go of themselves on the Internet. Firstly, others do not know who they are; secondly, even if they say something wrong, they have time to correct it; finally, others cannot see his embarrassed and nervous face. Therefore, some people are completely different online and in real life.
Patients and ordinary people seem to live in two worlds - in the eyes of ordinary people, human relations are like being interrogated in the eyes of patients; in the eyes of ordinary people, happy times are likely to be a lot of suffering in the eyes of patients. In short, he cannot look at himself, others and the world objectively. He is like a frightened bird, and a gust of wind will scare him into a cold sweat.
Home has become a safe haven; staying at home has become his helpless choice.
His life circle is getting narrower and narrower, and he has missed many interpersonal and career opportunities and possibilities.
His heart is full of conflict and resentment - he hates himself now, but is powerless; he hates those who have hurt him, but is unable to protect himself; he wants to be his ideal self, but no matter how hard he tries, he cannot get rid of those damn symptoms. In the end, he is constantly struggling between ideal and reality.
Social fear affects people in many ways. It not only causes changes in mood and behavior, but also profoundly affects a person's perception, thinking and view of the future.
Impact on perception:
When he has to interact with others or face situations that frighten him, his mind often goes blank, and his whole person becomes dull and overwhelmed. He actually does not listen to what others say at all. He is completely immersed in his own fear and panic.He looks at his words and deeds as if "out of body" and fantasizes about how others see him, making it difficult for him to concentrate on communicating with others. When others frown or yawn, he will also think that it is his own boredom that affects the other person's mood, and he feels that it is his own fault.
At this time, he will also have obvious symptoms of anxiety - blushing, sweating, shaking, stiffness, dizziness, nausea, and difficulty breathing.
Impact on thinking
Horrible experiences will trigger catastrophic thinking, such as, others will find out; others will leave me; others will look down on me. Such catastrophic thoughts will further intensify his horrific experience, forming a vicious cycle.
Negative thoughts are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more the patient thinks that he will be disliked and disliked by others, the more he will be sensitive to other people's attitudes towards him in his interactions with others. Sometimes, he will also think that other gossips, every frown and every smile are related to him. He will even think that others are talking about him and laughing at him. This reinforces his belief that he is unlovable. Thinking will affect a person's behavior. When a person's thinking is too negative and his behavior is too withdrawn, no one will like to associate with him in the end. In this way, he will further determine that it is his fault, that he has affected others, and no one is willing to accept him.
Therefore, intervening in negative and catastrophizing thoughts can help prevent the further development of this vicious cycle.
Impact on Behavior
If he is afraid of being denied and hurt, he will retreat and escape unconsciously. If he cannot escape, he will disguise and suppress himself to please the people around him. Only in this way can he feel safe and maintain his remaining self-esteem. But the result was that his circle became smaller and smaller, and he became increasingly lonely and inferior. In the end, he even felt as if he was living in a world of his own.
If we don’t shoulder the burden of solving the problem, we will never be able to solve the problem. Dare to face the people and situations that scare us, which is conducive to breaking the imprisonment-no matter whether we benefit in the short term or suffer setbacks, long-term benefits are the most important.
's views on the future
The future is gray to him, and he shudders at the thought of being disliked and denied by others. Therefore, he does not dare to live according to his expectations, he can only live in a safe circle. Even if he escapes the people and things that scare him, he cannot escape "anticipatory fear" - the fear of what is about to happen or may happen. For example, although a female patient was not married yet or even had a boyfriend, she began to worry that she would not be able to take care of her children, get along with her children's teachers, handle the relationship between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or even handle the relationship between her future children and their future in-laws.
In fact, thinking, behavior, perception and emotion are not separated from each other. They often interact to affect a person. For example, if a person thinks he is stupid, he will worry about being laughed at, and the experience of fear will make him behave unsatisfactorily. He may blurt out and fail to express what he means. Later, he will avoid social situations even more, which will eventually cause him to lose the opportunity to grow and become more and more closed to himself. As a result, his thinking became more and more negative, and he eventually fell into negative expectations about the future. When he has to face a situation that he fears, his whole person will become extremely nervous. At this time, he is even more afraid that others will discover this and think that he is an abnormal weirdo.
