When a husband is betrayed, every woman will be exhausted and in pain physically and mentally, but the sequelae are very different.
Some women become timid after suffering trauma, fearing that they will be betrayal again, and they will be extra demands on their husbands, without any of their own principles and bottom lines.
Some women become extremely sensitive after being traumatized. A little bit of movement will cause trouble in the city, not letting the other party breathe, nor giving themselves space. Even if a man returns to his family, he will still live like a year.
Some women have a "trauma and don't fall in love". Now that the cheating of their husbands has not been handled, new troubles have been added to them.
What does this mentality mean? Is it good or bad? How to deal with it?
trauma, the psychology of not being in love refers to the psychology of "transferring not being in love" to another person after being hurt in an intimate relationship.
This kind of psychology will not only occur after conflicts occur, but also after the Cold War, family violence, and long-term bad relationships, but may also be the cause or consequence of cheating.
The consequence of becoming cheating refers to a person's psychological trauma due to his partner's cheating, so he needs an vent. At this time, another person just shows concern and care for him, so it is easy to empathize with this person.
The cause of cheating is that a person’s own needs are not met or hurt in a marriage relationship, such as being dissonant with his partner for a long time, such as being overly strong with his partner... So he uses cheating to meet his needs.
This psychology is essentially a pathological psychology, because what a person needs after injury is repair, not escape.
The more you escape, the more you are, the more you are injured, the more you escape, the more you are repeating the same mistakes.
I have watched a foreign movie and explored this kind of psychology. It tells the story of the heroine who encounters her husband's cheating and goes from a good woman to a street girl step by step.
The heroine and her husband have a daughter. When the child was 3 years old, the man not only cheated but also had to divorce. Although she tried every means to save the man, she was forced to divorce.
After the divorce, she did not choose to be independent and self-reliant, but instead took her daughter back to her parents' home to "little her parents". In the end, she was driven out by her parents' brother, so she defected to her previous neighbor and became her neighbor's mistress.
When the neighbor was unwilling to continue to "provid" her, she hooked up with another man and became a restaurant girl step by step.
When her daughter grew up, she asked her: Why did she ruin herself like this? Why not find a job?
She said that everything was for her daughter, but her daughter broke the "degenerate fig leaf" she knitted for herself and pointed out that she was for herself.
In the end, her daughter ran away from home and she was seriously ill. When she looked back on her life in front of the bed, she admitted that she had become like this because she no longer believed in men after being betrayed and treated men as a tool. As long as she was given money, she would be willing to do anything with them.
However, when you turn the other party into a tool, don’t you also become a tool?
When a person's trauma is not properly repaired, any crazy behavior will only ruin oneself.
Many wives asked me: After encountering my husband cheating, I am really unwilling to take revenge. How should I take revenge?
I will ask the other person in reverse: Is it important to take revenge on the other party, or is your own future life more important?
Most wives will feel that their future is more important. Of course, a small number of wives feel that "it is better to be broken than to be complete". Instead of lingering in pain, it is better for everyone to suffer together. Wifes like
are deeply influenced by the "trauma of not falling in love" and they are no longer just "don't falling in love", but are beginning to "crazy".
No matter where you are, the most important thing is your future.
Xiaohong is also a poor wife who has suffered her husband's cheating. What's even more sad is that she not only can't control her husband, but also can't divorce her, because once she divorces, she will have nothing.
Men spend time outside every day, and their lovers and mistresses can't count them. Xiaohong can only turn a deaf ear to her at home and live her own "idle" life.
The way she could think of was to make herself beautiful and then get the man back, so she signed up for a fitness course, who knew she had an "extramarital affair" with a fitness coach.
Because of her husband's neglect, Xiaohong has not received any care and consideration from the opposite sex for a long time. However, this fitness coach is gentle to her and even cares about her "whether she eats or what she eats".
So she began to have a relationship with the fitness coach, and the man still did not refuse or alienate her, and just dated her ambiguously for a long time.
She spent a lot of money on this man: not only buying classes and members, but also giving a lot of high-end gifts. This man has her "investment" in food, clothing, housing and transportation.
Finally she found that this fitness coach is not just like this "friend". As long as he is a rich woman, he will care about everything in detail and gain benefits by bringing the relationship closer.
When she found out the truth, she had already "invested" hundreds of thousands of dollars in this man, and she could not come back even if she wanted to, and she might continue to invest money because she wanted to maintain such a relationship.
If Xiaohong's husband discovered this, he would probably divorce her directly, but she felt that the little happiness she had gained in such a thing was also a kind of comfort.
The best way to solve a husband's cheating is to cut off his cheating, or divorce directly, instead of not daring to care or not wanting to care, to project emotions onto another person in order to relieve the pain.
When life is in a desperate situation, what we have to do is to fight back, rather than get deeper and deeper.
After a man cheats, the best way to "retaliate" is: follow the principle of selfishness, grasp the evidence of cheating, hold economic power, and be able to recover or be prepared to turn around at any time.
Trauma and love psychology is essentially a kind of escape mentality. Because the current dilemma cannot be solved for the time being, I want to divert my emotions.
In fact, if we carefully sort it out, we can find that this kind of mentality cannot be done:
After the husband cheats, you empathize with another person and find the husband-wife relationship that is missing from the husband from that person.
This is actually a kind of two-way cheating. You have no way to divorce or stop it. Then let's "play it" together and play with your own things.
So what will the ending look like?
It is either the story of the matter or the divorce is forced to be divorced. It was originally your husband's fault, but he cheated first, and the initiative is with you. Now you have cheated too, and you have also made mistakes. The initiative is handed over to the other party.
Or you meet a scumbag again. Having an extramarital affair with you is a cheating of money and sex. You will not be sincere to you at all. When you have no value, you kick you away.
Since there are many harms but no benefits, why do we still need to do it?
Wife should learn to affirm their "self-worth". Only when self-worth is missing can you feel that "it is all your fault" and "the current situation is powerless to make things happen."
A man cheats on himself, no matter what the reason he cheats on.
Even if you haven’t done anything well, you can solve it within marriage. Why use this method to hurt the other party?
It is easy for women to deny their self-worth when they get married, and they are even more in such an identity after becoming a wife and a mother.
But you must remember:
You are always yourself. Letting yourself live a happy and happy life is the most important thing. Only in this way, your efforts are worth it. The ultimate goal a person pursues in his life is also happiness and worth it. Never give up on himself!
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