I am jealous of a boy in my class. He suffered from depression and has now dropped out of school.
I am jealous of him 1: It is rumored that he suffered from depression because his ex-girlfriend broke up, but now he has a girl who likes him very much. He has done everything with that girl except sleeping with her, but he did not say that the girl is him. girlfriend, but that girl has always been by his side, supporting him and encouraging him.
I am jealous of him 2 : After he dropped out of school, he worked with his father, earning 10,000 yuan a day, and he went there two or three times a week.
I am jealous of him 3 : After he suffered from depression, he took medicine, received treatment from a psychologist, and his parents were concerned about his condition.
I am jealous of him : Every time before he wants to commit suicide, he will post something, and then under each post, there will be messages from friends, asking him to stay and encourage him, saying very touching words, even if it is just three words, don't die. .
Why am I jealous of him?
Reason 1 : I suffer from autistic depression and cannot tell others.
No one, except myself, knows that I am sick. However, I also have times when I am optimistic, so I wonder if I am being hypocritical. Therefore, it is impossible for the people around me to encourage and support me when I am depressed.
Reason two : My mother once suffered from postpartum depression , but she suffered it by herself, so she never understood why she needed treatment.
Reason three : I first had a firm idea that I was going to commit suicide in the 4th grade of elementary school and figured out a way. It has been 6 years now. During the good times, it was very good, but when I got sick, I was completely under control. Can't help myself.
Over the years, there have been more and more reasons for depression. It’s like a mess that I can never sort out. Family, friendship, study, everything has made me have suicidal thoughts.
Therefore, I feel that psychotherapy is no longer useful. So far, no large-scale self-injury has occurred. Sometimes it is just a minor injury that cannot be controlled. If a large-scale self-injury occurs one day, I will immediately use medication to treat it.
Reason four : Our family is not very wealthy. My mother wants me to go to the United States to study, so she is working very hard to make money. The pressure on her is already too great, and I can no longer be a burden to her.
Why did I suddenly write this today?
I flipped through " Unreasonable Advance " when I was bored. The ending of the second female lead made me so jealous that I thought it was ridiculous. Because of her suicide, she suddenly had more than ten close friends, even though these friends hated her and wanted her to die before she committed suicide.
Because she committed suicide, all the illegal and harmful things she had done before were all wiped out, and all the victims had forgiven her.
I was emotionally agitated and writing this, and my mood was released.
One: I shed tears, releasing some of the recent stress.
Two: The process of writing was also a way to clarify my thoughts, which allowed me to discover a possible way to treat me.
The scene when I write this now is that I am curled up on the sofa, going home on the weekend, wearing my school uniform, and my suitcase is still unopened and packed next to me.
But it’s strange. The more things I encounter, the stronger I become. I cried until two or three o’clock every night for a week before the college entrance examination. I originally thought I was doomed in the college entrance examination, but there was a kind of power that made me fight. Spirit.
The college entrance examination was the test in which I was in the best shape since my senior year in high school. Four words can sum up my mental state at that time: a pool of stagnant water - without any emotional fluctuations, no tension or other feelings.
Finally, I was admitted to another very good university in Beijing besides the top 2.
There are always a few tough battles to be fought in everyone's life, some in youth and some in adulthood.
A few lines of words can describe the difficult experiences I had growing up, but the emotional struggles and the countless whys I asked myself during that time took me a lifetime to reflect on.
Everyone is me, but everyone is not me.
Finally, I would like to thank everyone again. Maybe the strength before the college entrance examination is the goodwill you condensed in the void.
